Need Advice!

[Lilly1]

Hi,
I need a new perspective on a current problem I�m facing with my partner.

We have been together for 3 and a half years, We met on a dating site, We have a child together and have been living together for over 2 years.
The first time I saw evidence of a potential problem was 2 years ago, I went on our iPad to check my email and found his Facebook open and a conversation with a woman whom he met a few months before me on the same dating site. They talked about the things they wanted to do to each other and agreed to meet up at a hotel in the city near his work, however I saw it before they had the chance. I confronted him and he cried and said it would never happen again and that he loved me and couldn't loose me. i forgave him but never really trusted him.
six months later my mother and I took my then 8mo baby on a holiday for a week. The first night I was gone he went on craigslist and responded to an ad and sent her a picture of his privates, they also arranged to meet up but he cancelled at the last minuet.
I didn�t find out until a few months later and was devastated, we went on a short break but once again he seemed to be truly sorry and we slowly moved past it.
It's been over a year since that incident and we've been doing well but 2 days before Christmas I found a secret email account he had created and for the past two months has been posting and replying to different ads on craigslist, they talk about sex and what they want to do to each other (in great detail) and arrange to meet up but he always ends up cancelling at the last minuet.
I went to him and he didn�t try and deny it and answered any questions I had. He says he only does it for the thrill and he has never met up with anyone. He�s willing to go to couples counseling or whatever it takes to save us. Now I just don't know what to do, i can see we're in a vicious cycle but I love him and our little family. Do I leave and give up or stay and try again?!

[someguyintexas]

Go to counseling. Seek professional help for your relationship and for him. You two have a family together and you both owe it to your kids to fix your problems.

[smackie9]

This doesn't have anything to do with your relationship, he has uncontrolled sexual desires. The problem lies with him. He's the one that needs therapy. If he is willing to get help with HIS problem then I would say you have a better chance at having this work.

[someguyintexas]

This doesn't have anything to do with your relationship, he has uncontrolled sexual desires. The problem lies with him. He's the one that needs therapy. If he is willing to get help with HIS problem then I would say you have a better chance at having this work.

As I said, he needs help but so do you or you will never have trust. You both need counseling and he definitely needs therapy. If you two agree to work on it together then you can get past this, if it become only HIS problem and it's not addressed as a couple then why bother.

[Wakeup]

Whether you stay with him or you leave him. Don't be foolish again and have even more children with him only to watch you two in your disfunction.

If you're going to stay then only do so if he gets help for his apparent addiction of choice which just happens to be (by all accounts) Cyber sex with randoms You? Well you get help for your codependency. Otherwise... if you keep doing what you've always done, then you'll keep getting what you've always gotten.

[Boisdevie]

Get the guy to fix HIS problems. If he doesnt then leave.

[Trilium]

Give up. A child says sorry and just does it again. He hasn't matured past that. He just doesn't want to be punished, he's not really sorry, and he'll keep doing it as long as he gets away with it with no consequences to himself except gratification. If he was sorry he wouldn't keep doing it over and over. If he cared for you he wouldn't have done that. He's lost.

[Trilium]

I mean, how do you know he cancels, just because he doesn't follow through doesn't mean he couldn't at any time, and it doesn't mean it's not cheating. What he is doing is cheating even if he doesn't go and have sex.

[smackie9]

She doesn't have trust issues, she has trouble trusting HIM! And how can she when he's a repeat offender. His problem is the elephant in the room here. He does it not because of their relationship, he'd do it with anyone else he is with. I say he needs to do therapy on his own so he can't manipulate her in the process. If she had trust "issues" it would mean she is needlessly accusing him of cheating....this isn't the case. It's a tricky deal. I have a strong feeling he will just bs his way through couples counseling just to get through it, just like all the times he got busted.

[someguyintexas]

She doesn't have trust issues, she has trouble trusting HIM! And how can she when he's a repeat offender. His problem is the elephant in the room here. He does it not because of their relationship, he'd do it with anyone else he is with. I say he needs to do therapy on his own so he can't manipulate her in the process. If she had trust "issues" it would mean she is needlessly accusing him of cheating....this isn't the case. It's a tricky deal. I have a strong feeling he will just bs his way through couples counseling just to get through it, just like all the times he got busted.

Notice I did say that HE needed therapy as well. Because HE did, in essence CHEAT on her I think they would need couples counseling as well to resolve that issue as well. He is defiantly at fault here however we are only hearing one side of a two sided story and he might be missing something in the relationship that is also causing him to look for it in other places. The best way to find that out is couples counseling. If it truly is just an addiction on his part then the therapy will help HIM. but what will help with the damage done to the relationship from his indiscretions?

[smackie9]

I feel this is something that has been there long before they got together.

[michelle23]

I also think hes been doing this repeatedly your whole relationship-just has only been caught a few times.. For me, it would be a deal breaker-I would be gone.

Hes a serial cheat and hes learned all hes gotta do is cry, say sorry and try to hide it better. Next he will have a secret phone hidden in a sock or something that he only uses when your not around.

Hes not gonna change-hes been doing this from the beginning and I would not believe him that he has never physically cheated..