10 years down the drain/okcupid

[KittyKat1989]

I looked at the profile and it doesn't do a thing for me at all. Your photos are not feminine and the clothes you're wearing are hiding you. You tell us your body type is curvy - well from my experience of online dating that can mean an awful lot of things. People lie on onine profiles and one mans curvy is another mans fat.
And a message for AnErin - If I'm a prick then am I allowed to call you a cunt? You can disagree with me by all means but stop throwing around the insults - it makes you seem a little mentally challenged.

That is more constructive then what you said earlier, before you sounded just mean.


But on a different note, I just got off of chat with my ex, and we have both realized that while we are great for each other we just never really clicked and that is what killed us. I feel loads better, before I just felt broken because I thought there was something wrong with me but I just didn't know what and know I confirmed there wasn't anything other then chemistry.

[HeartIsAching]

Ok... The profile's not bad. The pics aren't that bad, I think some of the people here are judging regional differences due to their own perceptions, so I'll put a couple of things straight:

OP, I'm from Oregon, so I know -

Women from the Pacific Northwest tend to not do much with their hair - there's not a lot of point when it's pissing down rain 8 months a year. A lot of hoodies/flannel/backpacks and sneakers get worn as a result also... we just dress down there, it's much more practical.

The first pic and the 2nd pic are good ones of your face - you're cute. In the 2nd pic, your t-shirt is too tight, making you look fatter than you are. The 3rd pic that you thought was your 'best'... isn't. It's obviously taken with a bad cellphone camera with a fish-eye lens that exaggerates the middle of the photo (your nose) and sort of "squashes" the rest of your face down. Take another selfie with a real camera, and smile. A little makeup (really little) wouldn't hurt. Also, the bitten nails aren't attractive... use a timer instead of taking a selfie and keep your hands out of the frame.

[HeartIsAching]

Oh, and BTW - if I were in your age range and single, I'd answer a message you sent me.

[pcmaster]

Hello Kitty. First thing I noticed is that your photo is horizontal instead of vertical. You might get better results with as much as possible clear profile picture in first place.

Also instead of mouse in your hand you could hold reptile - its more interesting to see.

Overall you seem warm laid back girl(a little too much laid back). You seem available and photos are showing boy alike girl. Also playing games are mostly what guys do.

Best suggestion I can give is take few pictures in a night out with friends. Wear dress or something feminine. Basicaly show that you are not afraid to be a woman. Also would be great to have one picture outside in sunlight, in backyard or at some beautiful place in nature like seaside or another great view.

Clear honest description about yourself and thats great except word "maybe" in future plans.

Summary - take your photos more seriously and you will get more serious attention.

[michelle23]

I didnt look at the profile but the only advice I will give you is to be more feminine. A lot of guys like curvy or overweight women but not ones that act or appear to be like a man.

Also a ten year relationship is a long time and you only just split. Maybe some casual dates will boost your confidence but I wouldnt recommend anything serious right now. Take some time out to be alone and enjoy it

[Wakeup]

This is where I am having a hard time, I still deeply love him and I see hints from him that he loves me. I have really no other friends other then him, and I dont even know how to drive so I am pretty much confined to my parents house doing online school.

OP: I think you should stop dating all together until you've made a life that you're happy with without a man. You need to be happy and fulfilled in your own skin before you'll ever be able to make someone else happy. Making a man your whole life, putting that burden on him is a heavy load to expect someone to bear.

Adding: Get your drivers license, join a gym, take some special interest classes that teach something you've always wanted to learn that are fun, join a site that gets you out there meeting PEOPLE not just men to date but you may find you learn to like one another first in person rather then backwards like online where so many people think they love the person emailing them before they've even set one-on-one time infront of one another.
You'll also meet women that like you want to be active while meeting other men and woman and hopefully making some friends while at it.

meetmarketadventures.com or
meetup.com

Two better sites for you (IMO)

First: Make your life more interesting and you will be more interesting to members of the opposite sex. What do you even talk to men about if you don't do anything for fun or you don't even have any female friends that you do things together with?

Work on becoming the best you that you can be and you're self-confidence will soar and then you'll be successful due to sheer carisma

[pcmaster]

Good advice from Wakeup but its easier said than done. Its also importand to realise that you could have a guy right now, just the way you are you deserve guy already. And changing life is easier and more interesting with guy by your side. That energy you will recieve and can realy help to focus on life. I read your profile and its saying you are open to new things. Thats good so guy with interests, hobbies can bring new things in your life. Also having your own passion can be usefull so it works both ways.

Doing things the Wakeup suggest will make you more independed and happier person with or without relationship. But going for the guy first and then making dreams come true will make you more needy and attracted to the person. Basicaly there is diference if you are doing things just for yourself or because you want to be together with someone. First requires self love but second love for other person. While it can take while to learn love your self its easier to make others fall in love with you and get over breakup is much easier too.
Second option is more like gambling by meeting guy who could give you ego boost so you could learn your value and see good things that about yourself that you didnt saw before(like seeing yourself with his eyes).

As long as you are okay to date guys with similar interests theres no problem of finding one right now cause theres milions like that out there.

[AnErin]

Hey KittyKat - here is what you have going in your favor - 20 something is young, you have no kids (a huge plus), you are not bad looking (though some pics with a bit of makeup would help), you are single.

I cannot stress this enough - If you are willing to look into their eyes, smile warmly and say "hello", that is all you have to do. The majority of work for courting rests on the man's shoulders. All the woman has to do is give the green light.

BUT - if you give men the cold shoulder or ignore HIS smile and greeting, in his eyes you have already rejected him. I am not saying you do that but if you are...
Remember that the first stage of flirting/courting is non-verbal.

With meeting - Umm, anywhere there might be men your age. There is no shortage of single men in their 20's. they are often too shy, insecure, or unknowing how to make the first move. though your smile might be the first move, it will give him the confidence (sometimes) to make HIS move and think that HE made it first. Men are such simple creatures