How To Deepen Relationship.

[Mastadon05]

After knowing this girl, I want to get close to her as possible but it's quite impossible since we're only able to chat through Facebook. We did chat a bit in Facebook but I have this feeling that she's really not that excited every time she chatted with me.[ Judging by the way she responded in Facebook]. I don't know what to talk with her. I'm quite anti-social in real life. I want to make her happy but I always got myself sad and gloomy everyday and to think that to make her happy is almost impossible to me and It's possible to make her sad instead with my current situation. This is my 1st time for falling in love.

[HeartIsAching]

Is this the LD woman on the other side of the world? Why bother?

[3mK]

Don't chat with girls on FB. Or text. Talk to them in person or call them.

[AnErin]

It seems to me that many folks out there are either typists or talkers.
The people I know who will talk your ear off in RL do not communicate well thru text/PM/FB/whatever keyboard.
Yet, people who can blow up your phone with texts are very quiet in RL.
Then there are people like me who never shut up in person OR on the keyboard. But we are rare.

So if you and her talk on the phone or in person, do not be surprised if it is exhausting with the amount she will talk.

So then, do not take her lack of FB chat as "uninterested". You also have to consider if it would even be practical to date in real life depending on the distance. Are we talking 45 minute drive time? Not so bad. Are we talking several hours or more? Well, not practical.

[Mastadon05]

I always know that distance relationship is not recommended by anyone. It feels uneasy. They all just talk and we don't know how they feel exactly. Maybe they triy to fool us and they can dump us anytime. It's bothering. But eventhough it's impossible to meet her, I want to talk,know her more since it's my 1st time to feel this. [That might be stupid] until one of us decide to break up.

[AnErin]

So how did you meet?
Keep in mind also when we first meet someone, it is easy to conjure this image in our mind about how great they are. The reality is seldom as exciting. It is even easier on the web to imagine what someone is like in real life.

[Mastadon05]

It's maybe lame and not recommended, I met her through online games and after that we started to chat in Facebook until now. That's all.

[3mK]

Save yourself some trouble and go meet a local girl!

[Rowen]

It's maybe lame and not recommended, I met her through online games and after that we started to chat in Facebook until now. That's all.

How do you even know she's real? That Facebook could be entirely fake...

[pcmaster]

Its normal how you feel. But you dont realy know the girl until you met her in life. Facebook have its reputation for destroying relationships. Its just unnatural space where people interact and can easly be misunderstood because of this indirect way of communication. Whats your screen resolution? 2-3 MPixels? You know human eye have 576MPixel resolution !+ Smell, touch and hearing and taste ^_^. So you are missing a lot. WHile focusing on those 2-3MPixels and using your imagination for relationship.

This could inspire you.
http://www.loveforum.net/threads/856...ing-with-girls

[DalM0m]

can you get her phone # or Skype? You need more then words on a screen to get close.

[Rowen]

can you get her phone # or Skype? You need more then words on a screen to get close.

He needs her in person, let's be honest...

OP, this situation will not end well. I know it's hard to accept, but you must. What do you think is going to happen? ...That you'll one day move in together and live happily ever after? That only happens if you've had enough time to spend together to deepen the connection between the two of you. A relationship is not just words; it's a level of physical contact too (and I'm not talking about sex).

[Mastadon05]

Local girls are not interested in me because of my 'abnormal behavior'. They all just turn blind when it comes to me. I have been hated by girls since I was 14. I was almost like never be a friend to anyone.I did have some close friends but they all in university right now. They just used me as their slave and ordered me to buy their things and whenever I tried to talk with them, they just ignored me like that [Not all of them did that but they just simply ignored me]. Each time I tried to talk with them, they just mocked me, ignored me and even told me to get lost to somewhere. I feel like I'm starting to hate any local girl. Until now I kinda hate to any girl I meet. Sometimes, I want to punch their faces even though they're just complete stranger. From normal,kind personality changed to violent+ rude personality. Most of the time, I spend my time alone because I don't know what to talk with them and I don't want to cause any problem to anyone. Socializing is something Im not good with.

I don't really care about the distance. Who knows that I might be able to find her soon but I'll promise I'll find her for real. I won't regret about it. I always believe in her as long she speaks the truth and honest. [I know that's very difficult to know whether it's real or not] but if she want me to break up with her, I'll do so as long she's happy with that decision. I always know case like this is very rare to happen but it fate allows, I'll make it real. I'll find her and marry her [She's in Canada].

Maybe I'm too naive and straight forward about this but I'll never take 'Love' matter so lightly.

[pcmaster]

Diference between popular guy and loser is that popular guy loves the people. Talks with everyone.

Its understandable that you had some bad expieriences but so did everyone had them. Dont give a reason for bad things to happen and never do bad things too. Theres so much fun out there.

Also focusing on one girl so much is not attractive for her. Its like "little too fast little too serious". Makes impression girls are struggle for you so you holding on tight once you find one. Thats not attractive too.
If you want to keep this girl in contact for a little longer then show that you are busy and actualy be busy so theres more interesting things to talk about. Being available more than 3-4 days a week is a turnoff. Girls like to feel that your time is valuable so they feel more special when you give them that time.

When socialazing in life be okay with making negative impact on people be okay with giving your worse. Eventualy you will learn balance and see what people like and what not. Trying to be only nice will make you a doormat just like before. Find your interests and live them. Then you will feel less empty and it will be easy too start conversations.

This can give you some ideas.

loveforum.net/threads/85674-Guide-on-interacting-with-girls

[Rowen]

I don't really care about the distance. Who knows that I might be able to find her soon but I'll promise I'll find her for real. I won't regret about it. I always believe in her as long she speaks the truth and honest. [I know that's very difficult to know whether it's real or not] but if she want me to break up with her, I'll do so as long she's happy with that decision. I always know case like this is very rare to happen but it fate allows, I'll make it real. I'll find her and marry her [She's in Canada].

Maybe I'm too naive and straight forward about this but I'll never take 'Love' matter so lightly.

According to your profile on here, this is your DOB: May 31, 1993 (age 20). That's one year older than I am, and I thought you were young... Oh jeez...

Anyway, I don't think that you're straight forward. I think that you're afraid of in-person confrontation. I believe this because I have a similar trait. Bottom line, you feel like the only way you can escape the fact that you're lonely is to delve into an online world. That's clearly evident through the way that you've spent so much time trying to make this work with this girl. But what you're missing when you do this is the fact that not all girls "hate" you. Yes, I put the word hate into quotes because I don't feel like they actually hate you. From what you describe, it's just that they don't really interact with you. To hate someone is to go out of your way to make them feel hurt and really show them they entirely despise your very existence...whether by telling you directly they wish you were dead or another way.

As for your "friends" (again, notice the quotation marks), you attracted people like that because you allowed yourself to be taken advantage of. I'm more than certain you can make friends with similar interests if you put yourself out there and just keep trying. Remember that every person is different, and by that they all have different likes and dislikes. Do you think every person in your town hates online gaming? I highly doubt that. All you need to do is keep trying to make friends and talk to people in real life, and if you run into someone who does not share your mutual interests, keep going. Just because one person doesn't share similar interests with you doesn't mean another person doesn't. And look for the signs of those who will take advantage of you the way your "friends" did so you can weed out the people who will only hurt you.

(Wow, I sound like my psychologist... O.O Anyway...)

Now, to tackle your "relationship", I hate to say it, but it very well sounds like you are being naive, no offense. Look at the facts. You're halfway around the world from her, and you have never met her in person. All you do is IM, so you're not even sure if she truly exists. It could be a great ruse. How would you feel then? You don't even know if she returns your feelings. Maybe she doesn't want a long distance boyfriend. I know I wouldn't.

And what you're feeling seems, to me, more like infatuation. Yes, I agree that it is possible to fall in love during long distance. BUT it is incredibly rare that it works out and very rare that it happens. That being said, your willingness to entirely devote yourself to putting her on a pedestal without considering your feelings tells me that you're setting yourself up to be a doormat just the way you did with your "friends." I've been through that way too many times, so I know exactly how that feels. You need to remember that a relationship is give and take- equal effort. When you put someone on a pedestal, it either sets you up for being taken advantage of or it leads the other to feel uncomfortable.

You clearly understand what it means to deeply care for someone, but your entire post seems more like you're telling me you want to be her doormat instead of her lover. I say this because, while love is all about giving, love between two people is meant to be mutually shared...never one person taking without giving at least as much. Love is returned as well as given when it is shared between two people. If you're falling in love at all, it sounds like it's with the idea of someone sharing a similar interest as you, not actually falling in love. This is, no doubt, backed up by the fact that you really haven't talked with her in depth to the point where you completely understand her entirely and she understands you entirely... Bottom line; I don't think it's the best idea for you to go chasing this. It won't be good for your social health, as well as good for your heart. Long distance relationships, though glamorized countless times by romantic movies, have a lot of strain on them because of the time the two are apart. This can lead to jealousy and insecurity as well as fighting and hurt feelings. I know this because I've been in a few long distance relationships, and none of them were pretty. They all ended with breakups and disgusted feelings. Not to mention, if you are falling in love with the idea of her like I strongly believe, meeting up in person can lead to many hurt feelings if she doesn't live up to your expectations of what you felt she would be like...

I can go on and on and on until my keyboard literally falls apart under my fingers, if you'd like, telling you all the reasons why you shouldn't do this. But it sounds like you won't even listen.
Wait till you've had some more experience or until you're a bit older; maybe then you'll understand a little more.