New Years Eve uh oh

[spiritofjosh]

Not a real uh oh but a confusing one. I ended up having sex with an old female friend of mine who I had a fling with in the past.

Back story isn't too involved but important. She has been mine and most of my friends mutual friends for the past 4 years. She always had a strong attraction towards me, as I've been told, but she had a boyfriend. They broke up and she pursued me. We grew very close, spent almost all of our time together and eventually started being intimate. She told me she liked me, I liked her but she said I was confusing because she thought I didn't want to date her. Truthfully, I didn't want to be her rebound so I backed off. Things got weird with her and she went back to her ex for a little bit longer until they again broke up, this time for good.

From then until now we remained friends but it was always awkward. We'd see each other during our friends' parties, birthday's, etc and I always got the "I really liked you vibe but you ruined it" vibe. It's hard to explain why I felt that way but I always did. Last year me and an ex broke up around my birthday and the girl of topic started talking to me again, asking to hang out just to get drinks or whatever. We hung out a couple times just to bulls*** and went out drinking twice. The times we drank she basically made me stay over her house, we never hooked up but I could tell she wanted to. After all that she texted me bringing up the "fling" we had and how I "had her if I wanted her but I backed off." She always said she didn't know what I wanted from her..to my guess why I'd hang out with her again, go drinking, but never put the moves on her. She stopped talking to me afterwards.

I got out of a relationship about a month ago and after it ended me and the girl I'm asking advice about we're at a mutual friends b-day dinner, maybe 3 weeks ago. She sat next to me, talked to me more than most others and acted a little flirty. Didn't talk since until about a week ago I noticed she started liking my facebook and instagram posts very frequently, when usually she doesn't. A few days ago she texted me at random (I actually thought she didn't even have my number anymore) and said she snapchatted me something but I deleted the app so I didn't see it. After small talk she asked if I was going to our friends NYE party and she would if I definitely would. I complied and she asked if her and I could just get really drunk, again I complied.

She texted me a couple more times between that day and the actualy NYE party, making sure I was still definitely going. We had a good time at the party and she was very flirty with me the whole night. While drunk she kept bringing our past up and eventually when most people left we slept in the same bed and the rest is obvious. The next morning she got up and left without saying bye or anything. I didn't hear from her the whole day until around 10 last night she texted me saying she went home and just laid on her couch all day, but I passed out early so I didn't text back until midnight and she never said anything else.

Basically I have always had feelings for her since our fling. Her and I were very comfortable with each other, I could talk to her about anything and she felt that way back. I always felt that we both had the same mutual feelings about each other but never acted on them again, I thought because she assumed I'd back off again. I'm starting to feel like she used me just for a hook up and now isn't going to talk to me. It's unusual because she's only slept with 4 guys, all of them were her boyfriend at the time besides me, so out of all the girls I've met she'd be the last I'd think would use me for a hook up. I just don't know if she wants me to get in contact with her or if she will after a day or two....or if she regrets what she did? We were both drunk, but we weren't trashed. She knew what she was doing so I can't figure her out after all this, I'm shy to ask her about it though.

Thanks for reading, I apologize but I'm terrible at cutting things short on detail so this probably seems long-winded.

[HeartIsAching]

Have you tried actually communicating any of this stuff to her?

Did you tell her the first time that you really wanted to be with her, but didn't want to be a rebound?

Why did you let her go all day without communicating with her? Why was it up to her to reach out to you? Have you told her yet that you want to be with her?

Lack of communicating isn't getting you what you want, so where does that leave you?

[spiritofjosh]

Have you tried actually communicating any of this stuff to her?

Did you tell her the first time that you really wanted to be with her, but didn't want to be a rebound?

Why did you let her go all day without communicating with her? Why was it up to her to reach out to you? Have you told her yet that you want to be with her?

Lack of communicating isn't getting you what you want, so where does that leave you?

At the time, years ago I had told her that I didn't want to be her rebound and she just said "you aren't" but she was single for a month at the time after dating her ex for over 2 years. It was just too soon for me and not only that, she still talked to her ex because he would constantly text her while she was with me.
And I can't exactly remember what has been said or what but when we hung out a few times last year I remember acting like I did want to be more than friends, just not right away but after she started getting awkward she would kinda start blowing me off.

Yesterday I just felt like the way she left was weird so I just felt like texting or communicating with her would of been awkward, it's hard to explain how I analyzed her actions yesterday morning. Especially when she knew she woke me up by moving around and stuff and how she didn't even say bye was just..off. I'm afraid she's thinking I used her for a hook up but as well as I know her I'd think she would come out and ask me if I did herself. I guess I don't know how to approach her about this because I don't want to be like "hey do you regret us hooking up the other night?"

[pcmaster]

Normaly you just say to girl that you want to date her and she is more than just one night stand. So you might start with words "I like you"

[spiritofjosh]

Normaly you just say to girl that you want to date her and she is more than just one night stand. So you might start with words "I like you"

I want to come out and tell her but I feel like it's one of those "you had the chance" things and she just acted out on it now but doesn't want it to progress. Especially when she starts school soon, even though she doesn't go to school far she's still busy with it. I'll give it a day and maybe just shoot her a text.

[4 ratties]

This is the disaster that unfolds when people have sex and do intimate things without communicating that they are an actual couple first. Feelings get all ****ed up and ruined.
It's never too late to tell someone how u feel.
She acted weird because she got wasted and slept with a guy that won't pursue her, so she feels like a slut.

[spiritofjosh]

She texted me this morning at 5 am saying she was sorry that she came off as being rude to me by not saying goodbye at least, and didn't know what to do if she should have kissed me or what because she "never knows with me." So I said it was fine and that I hope she didn't feel awkward or uncomfortable about what happened and she just said it was weird only because it felt normal. I said I felt the same way but I fell asleep because of how early it was and her phone died.

Later this afternoon when she charged her phone she apologized for her phone dying but seemed like she was cutting the conversation short so again she's confusing. I don't want to pursue her if she isn't actually interested and it's hard to tell how she feels.

[pcmaster]

I don't want to pursue her if she isn't actually interested and it's hard to tell how she feels.

She might feel the same way about you.