Telling the difference between depression and just sadness?

[JadenMia]

Hi all, I'm just looking for some advice.
I have been feeling extremely low and I'm not sure whether to ask for help, or if these are normal feelings that I am working through.
Beginning of last year i was going through court over an abusive relationship that had lingered for 4 years. Finally it came to end, I began to heal and move on and discover a new life free of past emotional and physical abuse. In march I met a man and we began dating. Ever since then my life was improving, I felt love like I never had before, we moved in. Started a life together and I felt on top of the world! Early October I discovered I was pregnant. We were so happy and excited and life couldn't get any better.
End of November we found out baby had died, and ever since I have been going downhill.
I have been angry at life, angry at myself, just a hormonal angry mess. I have been picking fights with everyone around me. My boyfriend, I have tried to leave multiple times for no reason at all. He forgives me and ignores the breakdowns but then I feel like I don't deserve the forgiveness.
After my miscarriage I got an infection. It lasted for a month and finally had surgery 2 days ago to remove the baby and placenta and now I'm empty.
I don't know how to get back on track. I don't know how to accept my baby is gone, i feel like nothing is left to do.. I can't explain my feelings because people don't understand.

I'm not sure what to do now.. Can anyone please give me some advice? I need something to look forward to, to re start, to occupy my mind away from grief. I don't know if I'm depressed or if I'm just mourning the loss of my baby..

Thanks for those who listen. It is deeply appreciated.

[Lord Darkshire]

My advice to seek out a counselor at a family planning clinic or maybe one recommended by your doctor that specializes in situations like yours. There must be a support group that you can join to talk to other women that have gone through the same thing as you, to share and understand your experience. It makes sense to be around those who can relate. I say you just don't know how to release your pain, and yes you are grieving, that is why it's so important to find help. Sorry for your loss......I hope this helps you in some way.

[pcmaster]

I think its depression. Agree about counseling.

There was a dream and now its gone. Its hard to lose lifes biggest dream. But in times like that its important to apreciate what you still have left. Apreciate present people. It would be respectuf to them instead of thinking about something thats nothere anymore.

Realise that half of women miscaried or did abortion. Its very common problem. Hear of some cases when girl miscaried 5 times and still trying. But to be honest I think if women lost baby once shes fct up for life. Know enought examples in life. Maybe because they never seeked for help.

Realise that you are not machine and just because you a women doesnt mean you are responsible for miracle to happen. If it happens great, if no - hey its life, things happen.

However you have to take your mind of it. Try out new things spend time for yourself and life. You are still alive and apreciate it every second of every day. You were okay before getting pregrant and theoriticaly should be fine just like before. Its not like you dont have anyone to love or shouldnt love yourself because dream is shatered. Think positive and one day you will feel strong enought to try again. Pain is temporary and your heart will heal just like after breakup.

[JadenMia]

Thankyou both for taking the time to reply.
I joined a miscarriage forum to maybe search for answers and be able to help and relate to other women who are going through the same. I feel like it helped for the recovery physically. But not emotionally.
I keep trying to find things to look forward to and to work towards so I don't find myself lost in despair. But it's not working. I wanted to be organized. So I completely cleaned and cleared my house. Now it's not enough, I need something else but I don't know what..
I always believe that everything happens for a reason, that if you feel pain to embrace it and find reason to move on and improve.
But this time I have nothing. Nothing to find reason for, nothing to improve, everything feels like it's for no reason now. Nothing really makes sense to me anymore..
I feel like I want to be alone.. I want my boyfriend to just leave.. He doesn't understand why I'm so upset but I am LOST. I don't know where to turn and I am just lost...
I'm such a logical thinker... And I can't figure any of this out.
My doctor wants me to go see her this week. She asked if I was depressed the day before my surgery to remove the baby and I said yes. But I didn't know if it was depression then.. But I am sure of it now.
I don't want to deal with anything now.. I feel like I'm losing my mind
Every day it starts off good, with good intensions. It just gets worse and worse.. At the end of the day.. I just think what was the f***ing point in that.
Ugh. I feel like I want to talk to someone but I can't get it out unless I am typing or writing. What is happening to me

[pcmaster]

Well once you start think one negative thought thats where it starts. The others are folowing. You choose what part in your mind to feed - heaven or hell. Hang on on positive thoughts and many more will follow.
I dont want to see these sad smilies anymore. From now on you are allowed to post only these !

You need something to care about. get apet or care about your husband. Also distancing when depresed wont help unless you do nature therapy or sports. You are allowed to think about baby only when talking with husband or counselor/proffesional. Once you open up some tears will come and thats how pain is shared. It feels much easier afterwards. Only way how too feel better is to open heart to someone. Let the sadness and happines flow in and out but whatever is in your heart dont hold it in !

Once you feel like it these songs could help see better

Don't Worry, Be Happy

youtube.com/watch?v=yjnvSQuv-H4

Always Look On The Bright Side of Life

youtube.com/watch?v=WlBiLNN1NhQ

[JadenMia]

Thankyou pcmaster

I am going to really try and stay positive from here on out. I had an argument with my boyfriend not long after my last post and even talking about it with him really felt like a release.
I should feel lucky for what I have, and not think too much into what I have lost. I think I'm so scared that I will never have another child that kills me inside... But I'm going to wait to find that out.
I go back to work tomorrow after a long month off work. So routine and other worries should hopefully keep my mind busy and not let baby thoughts run my mind into sorrow.

I really do love those songs thankyou so much for listening.

[pcmaster]

Thats so much better. I like this positive girl much more. You seem much stronger and theres a hope for you. Really seen much worse cases. When people cry in monologue and dont listen when others try to lift them up. Its like letting negative emotions out but not letting positive thoughts inside. However this is not the case about you. Its great that you see light already. Work definety will help ! You will see.

[peter12]

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. - Washington Irving