My Girlfriend Wants Sex Outside Relationship

[kaiofragoso]

Hi guys! Newbie here! It is nice to be able to discuss serious stuff here and it is even nicer of you to give me advice!

So, let's get started. I am a 27 year-old man in a serious relationship with a 23 year-old girl for the past 18 months. My girlfriend and I first met and went out about 7 years ago and never saw each other ever since until mid 2012, when we started dating seriously. We both work in the same field, she is graduated in Advertising and I am a Graphic Designer. About 10 months ago we decided to start our own advertising agency as business partners. The company is doing really well considering its life-time and this week we are moving to our new office, big step!

The problem is, things have started to become more and more complicated in the past few months. The fights have increased both in work and in our personal life. We started to mix things up and in the end the fights were so frequent that we couldn't stand each other anymore. We talked for a long time and decided to make a fresh start in 2014 with a better understanding of the work/date simultaneously life. Respecting more each other in both ways. During this whole process, sex has become just dull and repetitive.

Thing were working out ok (considering the mess it was before) and I thought we did it right. But a couple of days ago she started throwing the idea of having sex outside the relationship and how that could really help us getting back in track with our sexual desires for each other. At first I was ok with the idea, but as she insisted I became more and more anxious about it.

She says she loves me deeply and she wants to spend her life with me and has no doubts about it. However, she feels no attraction for me anymore according to herself and that there is no way out of this but to have a little break and sleep with other men if that's the case. She wants to feel fresh and free again and to restore her lost sexual desire by doing that. This wouldn't be a break-up. In the other hand, I would also be able to have sex with other women, but I am not sure I want this.

I don't know guys, I guess that would be fine if you are really open-minded but I just can't stand the thought of my girl being banged by some random dude after a club. I would never look at her the same way. I mean, ex-boyfriends are ok, but this??? It is just too painful to deal with. Besides, I think that would haunt us forever. What should I do? Should I open my self to this new opportunity that might actually work out or should I stick to my feelings and say I am not up to this even if it means the end of our relationship?

HELP! I am feeling horrible about it, rejected and replaced. Can't even sleep. Thanks in advance!

[FAndrews]

Its understandable how you would feel about the situation, i would be the same. you should stick to your feelings about this in my opinion and really talk to her about this, but otherwise i have no other suggestions, sounds like the relationship has lost its spark or something.

[anastasis]

You don't have a relationship. And you never did. You just have someone who you used to have sex with that you no longer have sex with. That's all. There is no relationship. Think about it. She's placed you in a catagory less than that of some random stranger she would fornicate with from a club. That's not even the friend zone anymore. That's the straight up 'you-don't-mean-jack-shit-to-me' zone.

So break it off and leave.

[dickriculous]

As much as I like to think of myself as being open-mined toward open-relationships if that's what both partners want, I can't say I've ever heard of a situation where it's actually served as a fixer for a broken monogamous relationship. Nor have I ever heard of a case where one partner stops wanting to bone the other, begins an open relationship, and the open relationships brings their desire to bone their partner back from the dead.

What I'm thinking is that she wants to have her cake and eat it too - she wants to play the field but she doesn't want to lose the security blanket that she has with you in order to do so, she wants you to be there for her to fall back on just in case ****ing around doesn't work out or isn't as glamorous as she thought it would be. And if I'm right then allowing her to play that game would be enabling behavior which is going to teach her not to respect you. She will know that she can't lose you - you will always be there no matter what she does and thus you will lose value to her.

On the other hand, you can try to convince her to remain monogamous with you or issue an ultimatum or whatever but after she expressed desire to bone other people AND expressed that she no longer has any desire to bone you...those two things combined lead me to believe that if she hasn't cheated already she will.

Sorry OP but I think this one is just about over.

[danweiss]

That sounds like a pretty rough situation. I'd feel the same as you and the relationship definitely wouldn't be the same afterwords. Do you think she's just stressed with work and somehow missing past freedoms - I mean nearly 60% of Americans claim they had a one night stand: http://www.statista.com/topics/999/singles/

Maybe she's just finding it difficult to manage her partner at home and professionally at once. I am not sure how she can justify sleeping with other men while she's in love with you. Perhaps offer her some space but if she wants to be with other men, you really don't have a relationship anymore.

[!Joe264!]

Sorry to say that but your relationship is over...dump her and find one that value you the most....

[Rowen]

Whatever once was is no more... It's best to leave because there is no relationship left to save.

[michelle23]

I think its best to end this relationship. The honeymoon period has faded and she has lost interest. 18 months isn't that long and you shouldn't be having these issues so early if you are compatible.

[spanz]

"she feels no attraction for me anymore". that is the cue to move on bud. It is all over, she is just trying to not hurt your feelings as she searches for another guy to screw. Break up, do not look back