I'm either indifferent or overly attached to people.. what is wrong with me?!

[char12]

So after getting out of a bad relationship, I had a break for a year and have just started dating again. I haven't had a spark with anybody, and tried to let feelings grow on me but nothing. I've even struggled finding anybody sexually attractive for that year..even strangers. I've honestly thought something was wrong with me.

The other night I went to a bar and instantly was attracted to a guy there. I was relieved that I was actually feeling.. something! We got chatting and he was lovely, he kissed me before he went. He continued to text me every day that week and asked me out for a drink. I really liked him and he kissed me before I left and things got quite heated (just touching) and I told him I wasn't ready for anything like that. I'm not experienced at all in having flings so I got a bit nervous about how quick things were going and even explained to him that I was worried he only wanted sex from me, and I don't want to be just another girl. He told me he wouldn't have gone to the effort of taking me out if he was only after sex. He later asked me when we would be having sex, as it'd be a "travesty not to". I was confused and put off by this comment so I left.

He's carried on texting me but takes hours to reply. During this time I feel so anxious and crap. I even found his twitter and have seen flirty tweets to various (stunning) women, also during the time he's not bothering to text me back. I've even curiously looked at these beautiful girls and started comparing myself with them which has made me feel worse. They all have busy lives and are flirty and confident and if I didn't mention already, beautiful. I have been doing anything to keep busy but am constantly thinking about him, and if he'll even text again. Yet I've already decided I want nothing more to do with him. I feel pathetic, I've seen this guy twice and am getting upset about him talking to other girls etc. I've been in long term relationships and yet i'm hung up on this guy i barely know. I think I just had such high hopes and am worried about how rare it is for me to have a spark with people. What is wrong with me?!

Only supportive words please.

[basilandthyme]

It's great that you're finding yourself ready to get back out there. And it's great that you (correctly) suspected this guy was a player - it means you've got the ability to avoid being used.

Forget this guy: Your spidey senses were right. But don't stop putting yourself out there. Just make sure to not relax your heart until a man's words and actions match.

[TheEvilJester]

I know just how you feel. I got out of a really bad relationship just over a year ago myself. Honestly, it was so bad for me that I was shocked with how quickly I felt recovered afterward. Ending the relationship was so right for me, that I felt happy and ready to move on rather quickly.... but I still intellectually felt the time was not yet right. In a lot of ways, I am glad I waited. I am getting to where I am ready now. However, I can definitely tell that it would not have been a good idea for me to move on back then even though I felt ready.

I've always had the same issue you describe. I either don't feel anything at all (I've shut down before because I thought maybe feeling nothing was better than feeling pain) or I feel things too intensely. I sort of forgot about that until I got out of this horrible relationship. In becoming myself again, all of that kind of came flooding back. ...Which in the end is actually awesome! It has given me a chance I have never had before. It is giving me the chance to finally deal with all that and learn how to better handle it. I can't change the fact that I do tend to feel things intensely, but I can learn to deal with it and not let it control me. Otherwise, you just wind up making the same mistakes in life all over agian.

So, I would agree with basil here. Your instincts are right. This guy does not sound right for you. Especially right now. That said, he is the first guy to make you feel something at a time when you weren't sure if or when you ever would again. So, it makes sense that part of you wants to give it a chance. Just know that it will fade in time. Not only that, but you'll notice somebody else too. You have already taken that first big step into being okay again. Don't be in a rush. Some day your true soulmate will surface. Until then, no harm in dating a little if that is what you want. But, either way, if your gut is telling you somebody isn't right for you, then probably best to go with that instinct.

Good luck! I hope you find the guy of your dreams some day. :-)

[woody]

Agree with above responses. The good news is your open to receiving again, rest in this. You sound like a romantic which could be why you put so much into these connections. This is a good thing but can also be harder to deal with when it's with the wrong person.
Don't allow yourself to get wrapped up with a player, it is simply not worth it.

There are many good men out there, good men that are free and clear whom will love you for you. Sounds corny and hard to believe with all the twits and f.b baloney but they do exist.

Not healthy to be looking at those other 'beautiful' girls he's talking to. Honestly, do you really wanna get wrapped up in some guy that doesn't seem to understand heart?
Nah, I've said it before and I'll say it again, self love dear lady, self love and self worth will be your good medicine. Make them earn it.
good advice with the other replies to your plea. Again, your open to it where as before you were not. Well that's progress isn't it. Indeed it is.
good luck to you.
When you meet your other half, you'll both know and that will be that......