What am I?

[BroadwayWhale]

I seem to be quite in a rut. This post is long, and I'm very sorry about this but I do really need the help of an objective point which doesn't come from a circle of friends.

So, like almost every teenager, I find myself "loving" (to me it's love, but to adults it may be puppy love) this boy who's a year older than me. We started dating last year and the relationship was going along quite well but he was heading off for university, which lucky me, is 4000 km away. This caused many pressures on our relationship and being quite an emotional and impulsive character, it took a toll on me. The relationship lasted for a month after he left. It abruptly ended after he sent me ONE (harsh) message it didn't work and that he didn't love me anymore. I am not angry at him for this because university life is difficult and when you head off alone, with no friends whatsoever, you find yourself changing and creating a new identity. By the way, the person I am also dating it EXTREMELY smart (one might say; what is intelligence? but let's not get into that debate) He also quite logical and somtimes coldhearted... The opposite of me really.

Anw, that's for the intro. Now, comes the "development". After 2 months of him ignoring me and completely erasing me from existence, he decides to call me. We start talking again and he explains that he is sorry. I am okay with it (with the reason stated before) and we continue talking. He comes down at Christmas, things don't go as smooth, some things happen, shit hits the fan, yadayada, he decides to tell me that he loves me. He explains that, the logical side of things would be to stop talking and ignore our feelings for each other, but then he explained that the emotional side, albeit stronger, was love and we should embrace it. BUT, he does not want a relationship with me. WHich is understandable, a relationship is impossible to maintain at such a long distance and I do not have the maturity for it. BUt here's the dilemma. It's been a week now that he's left... We talk everyday, tell I love you's, je taime, skype etc.. We even put restrictions: if we kiss/sleep with another person, we were to be over.

I was pondering on what we were. Logically, with the characteristics given, we would be in a couple right? Wrong. I talked to him tonight about it, and how I was confused. WHat am I gaining from this? What's going to happen? etc etc. He then tells me.. "I would do everything for you. I love you very much. The only thing I cant do is go back in a relationship with you right now and I don't think I will ever be able to go back in a relationship with you".

Now, this is where I get extremely confused. It's true, I don't want a "relationship" with him. I prefer it being a day by day thing. But I do consider him to be my boyfriend, without the whole "relationship" thing. (get my drift??) It's quite easier that way.. I don't expect anything from him, and he doesn't expect anything from me. But then, what about later? I am going to the university he is attending (no, not because of him, but because its the only university in canada giving my program) next year and I would of at least expected that if I were to invest my time, energy and love to him, I would of gotten a relationship when we were finally together physically.. But it seems that it is not the case. What does this mean? Am I a backup? Am I a just in case? I don't think he is using me for sex because why would an individual abstain himself from sex 4 months of time? What is it then?

I don't want to head to the university, expecting to be in a relationship, but in fact, to be brushed off. My senses are telling me is that he wants the perks of being in a relationship but does not want to be in one. I lean to this because during the break, he didn't want me around his friends anymore, nor his family and I expect this to happen next year as well.

Am I thinking too much? Am I rationalizing things? Should I just go day by day? The fact that he stopped talking to me 2 months of time COMPLETELY destroyed any trust that I had for him. This is why I'm on the fence because I am scared that will happen again. (even though he promised it wouldnt, but we never know)


Thank you!

[smackie9]

I don't think he is abstained from sex on purpose....he just didn't get lucky and what better way to get back on the horse than to hook up with you again. He's right tho, there's no reason to be in a relationship when being apart. You are not getting what you want, so why are you still hanging on? Just wash your hands in this whole thing and meet someone that is more available to you....make sense?