LDR Lover/Friend is Pregnant But Never Told me

[acemontana]

Hello everyone, I have known this girl for the past 10 years and have been in a quasi long distance relationship with her for the past 3 years. I say quasi because we never made it official even though we talked about her moving down to Florida and us starting a family. I used to live in New Jersey but relocated to Florida since 2008 and have been having relations with this woman since 2010. I visit her up there she visits me down here

So I find out she is pregnant by SOMEONE ELSE through one of her friends social networking pages. I have been able to confirm that its true she is pregnant because I have pictures of her attending that friends baby shower.

My whole gripe is we always told each other that if something significant happens in our lives ie engagements, pregnancy, serious local relationship that we would tell each other. I found out she was pregnant in early to mid October. I tried to get her to tell and at that time she said nothing has changed in her life. At the time I didnt have the visual to know that she was in fact pregnant all I had was a couple of friends congratulating her on Instagram. I was really close with this girl so it struck me as odd that she would not tell me she was pregnant now going on 5 months. We were friends before we started this long distance relationship. So what should I do should I confront her and let her know what I know and that its super uncool of her not to tell me or should I just ignore it all together and never speak to her again? Thanks your input is appreciated

[surfhb2]

Yeah.....ignore it and move on

[acemontana]

Yeah.....ignore it and move on

That's what I have been doing but a part of me really wants to give her a piece of my mind. I think its messed up that she thinks she can get away with not telling me. It says a lot about her character.

[surfhb2]

Yeah but silence is a bitch. Especially to those it's directed to.

[basilandthyme]

That's what I have been doing but a part of me really wants to give her a piece of my mind. I think its messed up that she thinks she can get away with not telling me. It says a lot about her character.

I think it says more about the place you have in her life.

Let's be honest here...you moved away from her and she wasn't keen enough to get around to following you - and you weren't keen enough to move back and pursue a proper relationship. And neither of you bothered even making it official.

If you want the right to be told of any major circumstance change, you need to be in a proper relationship with her. If you're not official, she owes you nothing.

[acemontana]

I think it says more about the place you have in her life.

Let's be honest here...you moved away from her and she wasn't keen enough to get around to following you - and you weren't keen enough to move back and pursue a proper relationship. And neither of you bothered even making it official.

If you want the right to be told of any major circumstance change, you need to be in a proper relationship with her. If you're not official, she owes you nothing.

I moved away to pursue a better life for myself. Thats when she started to pursue me whole heartedly. Before that we would just mess around with each other. I had no reason to move back to New Jersey when everything is going so well for me in Florida. I pursue opportunities to better myself at life not relationships. Relationships sort of just happen in the midst. When she did visit me she boo hooed cried when she had to go back I took that as a good sign because she is someone who rarely shows that kinda of emotion.

Funny how when she needed money to get to work she was able to tell me that and I put the $$ in her account. Funny how when her computer broke i bought her a new laptop. We were close when a family member like her father fell ill with a stroke of course she told me. I never felt the need to be official because I let the relationship evolve on its own. No need to label it.

[acemontana]

Yeah but silence is a bitch. Especially to those it's directed to.

I like the way you think. She did text me Christmas Eve...no response on my end.

[Starnique]

I moved away to pursue a better life for myself. Thats when she started to pursue me whole heartedly. Before that we would just mess around with each other. I had no reason to move back to New Jersey when everything is going so well for me in Florida. I pursue opportunities to better myself at life not relationships. Relationships sort of just happen in the midst. When she did visit me she boo hooed cried when she had to go back I took that as a good sign because she is someone who rarely shows that kinda of emotion.

Funny how when she needed money to get to work she was able to tell me that and I put the $$ in her account. Funny how when her computer broke i bought her a new laptop. We were close whenfamily member like her father fell ill with a stroke of course she told me. I never felt the need to be official because I let the relationship evolve on its own. No need to label it.

I say she did owe it to you to let you know. If you were as close and heavy friends as you claim, then why wouldn't she tell you? After all, she tells you everything else but makes it a point to conveniently leave this huge life event out. If she got knocked up by someone else then it's whatever because it wasn't like y'all was dating so her getting pregnant isn't as big an issue (being as to how you were taking your time, letting it evolve) as her trying to cover it up. What's the reason for that? Shady.

[surfhb2]

How much TOTAL did you give her? Be honest!!!

She was using you my friend.

[UKRomantic]

If they're good friends, then she should be telling him before he hears from someone else - Surely?

[Wakeup]

That's what I have been doing but a part of me really wants to give her a piece of my mind. I think its messed up that she thinks she can get away with not telling me. It says a lot about her character.

Then why ask us if thats what you want to do? Do you think that we'll be able to convince you not to?

I'm on the side of ignore so that you can cleanse her from your life for good. Obviously neither of you are any sort of priority to one another. Who is the father? Does she know? Do you know if it's you? Whens the last time you got together to have sex?

[acemontana]

I say she did owe it to you to let you know. If you were as close and heavy friends as you claim, then why wouldn't she tell you? After all, she tells you everything else but makes it a point to conveniently leave this huge life event out. If she got knocked up by someone else then it's whatever because it wasn't like y'all was dating so her getting pregnant isn't as big an issue (being as to how you were taking your time, letting it evolve) as her trying to cover it up. What's the reason for that? Shady.

Exactly....so would you confront her? Or just let it slide

[acemontana]

How much TOTAL did you give her? Be honest!!!

She was using you my friend.

Nah I dont think I was being used I gave willingly...I felt like I did it as sort of like a way to cover up for my being absent. Things for holidays and birthdays...nothing to crazy...I'm a giving person I would give someone dear to me my last and she was dear to me. I doubt I was being used. She only personally asked me for monetary favors twice in 10 years.

[acemontana]

Then why ask us if thats what you want to do? Do you think that we'll be able to convince you not to?

I'm on the side of ignore so that you can cleanse her from your life for good. Obviously neither of you are any sort of priority to one another. Who is the father? Does she know? Do you know if it's you? Whens the last time you got together to have sex?

Because I am not 100% sure if thats what I really want to do..I havent communicated with her since November. Yes you may be able to convince me not to. Because I am looking at everything from a longterm perspective of remaining silent or confronting her. Sex was 1 year ago. I am not the father I dont know the father only saw them together in pictures. Its kind of frustrating because we have vowed not to keep secrets from each other just as recently as October and to my knowledge she has been preg since late August

[Wakeup]

She's back-burnered you and didn't want to tell you until she was sure that the father of the baby was going to stick around or not. I suspect (due to what you've told us about her so far) that if he bolts on her.... you will be the go to guy for emotional and financial support. In the meantime, as long as he's around she'll keep a door open to you (if you allow it) *don't*

You don't appear to be a priority. Frankly, blocking and deleting someone that doesn't value you much is the best thing you can do to maintain your own self-worth and the worse thing you can do to someone who has basically 'shelved' you. They don't seem to like it when their safety net is yanked out from underneith them.