a unique story

[MattyK17]

first post. I looked all over the internet and cant find any stories similar to mine. a little background. my ex and I were together for over 4 years. have a daughter together. march of 2012 out of the blue she texts me some sob story she feels like crap. didn't want to text me, but basically saying she feels we grew apart. which I agree. last couple months we were together, I didn't text her or call her that much, was lazy when she asked to do little things like go to the store or the park with our daughter. at the end we were not living together. so I can see where she was coming from

well since then we hang out a lot. talk almost everyday. we do holidays together, exchange gifts. this past sept we went to Disney on vacation together, she was my date to weddings and ect.. we hung out and it never got intimate. no sex, no kissing just hanging out. though since we broke up she knows I still wanted it to work.

well the last 2 weeks shes been distant. I asked her to come to my firehouse banquet which she has the last 5 years. she was making excuses and just kept saying idk. so this past Monday I texted her and said look if your talking to someone just be honest. she said I am and that was that. I tried talking about us and she just says do you think we get along good enough? she said we can be a family, just not together which makes no sense. and were better off as friends. times since our breakup she has shown some signs of jealousy and slight affection.

what hurts the most is how since we been broken up, we hung out all the time. now there is a new guy around its like im nobody. she never said no just idk. and it took a lot to get her to admit there was someone else. I know I should move on but I don't want to . I honestly think there is a chance. why would she not just cut all ties after we broke up? she asked me to do stuff all the time to. which I always had time to do

since Monday I been trying no contact. we still talk but its been about our daughter, if she takes it off track I just ignore it. and she kinda did the same when I mention anything of us. she ignored it and an hour later texted me about our daughter.

I have ot meet her tomorrow to give her money for our daughter. thoughts how I should play it? like it hurts knowing shes talking to someone and I hate not texting her cause I feel she will forget about me and text the new guy. she not the partying type and literally stays with our daughter. so I don't know how much time she will actually have to date this new person. maybe once a week. and I have to assume its fairly new. cause we spent new years together.

problem also, I think its in her head I still want it to work, and she knows im always here for her. I never told her no to anything or meeting her at the store or whatever. just wish I could see into her head!

I really want to make it work and be a family. just lost on what to do because my situation is not normal. thank you in advance

[RipVanWinkleX]

You can be a family and not be together. I am the same way. My ex-fiance fell in love with someone else. We also have a son. I skype with him as much as I can. Don't expect to be back with her; but be there for her if she needs you. That's all you can do.

[MattyK17]

Thanks. I'm trying. I met her yesterday and gave her money. It was as she tried joking around with me but I didn't bite. I wasn't rude either. Since then she's been texting me a lot. Mainly about our daughter, but other things to. I reply but not right away and not always. I think I'm doing good. But every so often I reflect and feel like crap again. Guess I'll just keep playing it cool. We are actually taking our daughter to the museum. I was hesitant but I need to put my pride aside and do what I can to make my child happy. No flirting no nothing while we are together unless it involves our daughter directly. Hope I stay strong

[woody]

Matty

Suggesting you give her the space to explore what it's like with this other person. Offer distant support. Don't let it flail you about too much; accept it, it was bound to happen. Maybe by spending time with this new guy you'll start looking better and better for her.
If you've got a shot, now's the time to remind her of the positive traits; supportive, strong, kind, compassionate, all that, to what she's going through and hey if she wants to date some new guy, why not. bound to happen

You two have a child who's care takes precedence by what you've said and You will always 'Dad'. But you'd like more, You want to be husband and Father. You still want it to work out. Might have to bite the bullet a little here and through this process, by being 'big' about it and working some good old fashion charm, a little magic,
remind her why she fell for you in the first place.

goodluck

[Wakeup]

why would she not just cut all ties after we broke up? she asked me to do stuff all the time to. which I always had time to do

And yet another story painting a good picture as to why you can not/should not be "friends" with an ex lover. Your story is not "unique."

You should have asked her to be your wife. Maybe then you'd still have her and if she said NO, then at least you'd have a good reason to stop being her friend while remaining friendly for the sake of your daughter.

Stop all contact with her unless its to do with picking up your daughter for visitation reasons. Now that she's seeing another man, do you know how confused your little girl is going to be? Give your daughter the chance to become adjusted to you not being a threesome on outings. She needs the routine in place where she sees you and your wife on different days.

Have you a proper visitation schedule in place and child support payments ongoing?

[MattyK17]

Thanks for all the opinions. I should of asked her to be my wife. That was my fault I can admit. I caved in and today we hung out and took our daughter to the museum. Kept it strictly about her. No us talk no relationship talk. It went well. I was suppose to go with just my daughter but I could tell she wanted to go with as she's never been either. Since I dropped them off we been texting about our daughters birthday. She always seems to find a reason to text me about our daughter lol. I'm better then I was a week ago.

Were planning on taking a 2 hour trip up to New York to take our daughter to the American doll store. Which is the beginning of March. But I won't hold my breathe I know if she starts an official relationship she won't be so sillkng to go.

Just curious. If she starts a random chat about out daughter. I shouldn't ignore right? I don't reply right away .
Maybe wait 20 min average to reply.

[MattyK17]

And she would wAit a good while to bring any guy around our kid. So that's not an issue.

[Wakeup]

it hurts knowing shes talking to someone and I hate not texting her cause I feel she will forget about me

It is virtually impossible for her to 'forget' about you. You are the father of her child. That keeps you in one another's life in SOME capacity forever unless one of you abandons young miss.

My suggestion, don't reply to mundane things like "Suzie smiled at the cat today." If you want her back then DATE THE MOTHER and stop being the PRETEND family. Ask "Suzie's" mommy out on a real date, just the two of you and if she won't go then stop this nonsense that is only going to totally confuse Suzie when mommy stops going on outings with daddy because the new boyfriend doesn't like it.

Why don't you work on yourself as a couple more then as a pretend family? Suzie needs to adjust to the new world and doing what you're doing is not going to allow that unless you both make a pact that you'll not introduce new men or women to her until she graduates Uni and has her own family.

Something to think about.

BTW: The American Doll Store is amazing. She's going to love it.

[Lilwings03]

She wants her cake and eat it too. She has you as her best friend and partner but wants another man she is attracted to. You need to accept that she wants to move on with new people.
Once you find someone, she will want you clsoer....be careful.
Good Luck

[woody]

Thanks for all the opinions. I should of asked her to be my wife. That was my fault I can admit. I caved in and today we hung out and took our daughter to the museum. Kept it strictly about her. No us talk no relationship talk. It went well. I was suppose to go with just my daughter but I could tell she wanted to go with as she's never been either. Since I dropped them off we been texting about our daughters birthday. She always seems to find a reason to text me about our daughter lol. I'm better then I was a week ago.

Were planning on taking a 2 hour trip up to New York to take our daughter to the American doll store. Which is the beginning of March. But I won't hold my breathe I know if she starts an official relationship she won't be so sillkng to go.

Just curious. If she starts a random chat about out daughter. I shouldn't ignore right? I don't reply right away .
Maybe wait 20 min average to reply.

Just be yourself; no need to ignore after all, it is your child. I get the 10-20 minute wait though. FAir enough unless urgent.

yeah, sounds like your taking things in stroll at a good pace. Maybe tell her what you said above, 'should have asked her to be my wife"
make her swoon a little no doubt. That's pertinent information she ought know. Could be what she needed to hear.

good luck

[michelle23]

She has friend zoned you over time. You need to ask her out on a date and ask can you two start again. If she says no then tell her in future you should have minimal contact and only talk if necessary about your child. Make a custody plan and stick to it and set up a direct debit for weekly/monthly payments for your child so you dont have to meet face to face to give her money