Obsessed with my gf's emotional baggage

[radk98]

Also, early in the relationship, she told me she wasn't a virgin and had one other partner. She seemed to feel really bad about it and apologized to me telling me she was sorry she wasn't pure for me. She told me she wanted to wait and I told her there was no pressure. She eventually was making moves on me and I many times slowed her down but eventually we both let it happen.

Now, when I try to discuss the issues of our sex life she always tells me she wishes she would've never had sex before marriage. She has said several times that she wishes we would've waited.

[smackie9]

Just be glad you didn't wait til you were married. This relationship has you becoming that co-dependant person again for sure. The sex isn't good because you two are not good for each other. Reality check, you two were not meant to be together....time to move on.

There is nothing to make this relationship "wonderful". Probably will find perfect somewhere else.

[radk98]

Just be glad you didn't wait til you were married. This relationship has you becoming that co-dependant person again for sure. The sex isn't good because you two are not good for each other. Reality check, you two were not meant to be together....time to move on.

There is nothing to make this relationship "wonderful". Probably will find perfect somewhere else.

I guess I have a hard time accepting people can just be "not sexual". You know what I mean?

When you say we just aren't good for each other, does that mean she'll just need a guy who accepts sex only when she wants it which is not often?

I've really tried hard adjusting and improving our sex life. I'm sure I don't give her enough credit as she's tried too.

It's always been weird bc she tells me she just doesn't ever really have random sexual thoughts, or is ever really horny. Also, it is so hard to get her in the mood as she doesn't like being kissed around the neck, ears, collar bone. Even a really good massage won't get her going.

I feel like I've lost my mojo in a sense by not being able to initiate these things. I don't mean this to sound controlling or whatever but I would like to have the feeling that when I'm wanting to have it and just grab her, I can. In a way that she is excited to have me wanting her in that way.

It's as if this whole thing is beginning to become a little emasculating.

[Wakeup]

I know a man that is with a woman like your girlfriend. He stayed with her and he tells us he wanks every night and she is fine with it as long as he doesn't do it in front of her. He complains about not getting it but once every two months or so but other then that, he appears to be happy with her.

This is what YOU have to do if you're going to stay with her.

You have to adjust to her libido and not be wanting anything more from her and be able to not let your ego get the better of you. You can't change her but you can change yourself if you're that so undecided about just leaving her altogether. (my advise, but hey, I'm not you)

You best get the training you need to stop trying to control though. Alanon or Codependents Anonymous will help you to accept your lot instead of trying to control and change her into who you wish she was. Go to the meetings and learn to form boundaries, not let her cross yours, to stop trying to change her and instead change yourself. That's what you have to do if you want to be with her and stay with her in a happy state rather then just stay with her while complaining and being unhappy.

That is the only way you won't be brought down by her. Is to accept her and change yourself to accept her AS IS.
Have you a good relationship with your father? You say your family thinks she's the bomb. Can you tell your father everything you've told us and seek out what he'd think of her if he knew you were actually so torn about her and how things currently are? Her outter appearances, be damned.

I feel like I've lost my mojo in a sense by not being able to initiate these things. I don't mean this to sound controlling or whatever but I would like to have the feeling that when I'm wanting to have it and just grab her, I can. In a way that she is excited to have me wanting her in that way.

This isn't asking much at all but she can't/won't even give you that. Really think about everything before you marry this woman.

.... And yes, thank your lucky stars you didn't wait to have sex until you married her. This is who she is. Heed it.

I'll also add that if you're going to stay with her that you make sure she's cool with you viewing and pleasuring yourself to porn (if thats what you want). Certainly she can't expect to be practically frigid and expect you to be totally celebate while you wait for her to get the one urge she gets once every fiscal quarter. pfffft.

[smackie9]

There are two diffenent possible senarios, one you two are not sexually compatible, differnt libidos or you both "settled" just to be with someone, and the real sexual chemistry isn't there. That's why I say it wasn't meant to be.

More than once I have seen threads started by mostly women where they say "he's a great caring guy, so perfect in every way, BUT I don't feel that passion or spark....I'm so torn because he's such a good catch and I'm tired of dating jerks....and I'm not getting any younger to be looking anymore"