Dislike daughter in law

[Sammy32]

Hi everyone

I have been suffering a large amount since my son met his girlfriend.

My son is 25, his girlfriend is 30.

We have always been a close family. We would talk to my son on the phone everyday and get texts .
We spent a fortune on him growing up and him persuing his dreams, which is why we aren't in a large house with a holiday home too by now !
We helped him with everything- set up his business with him, helped him buy a lovely house of his own.

He met his girlfriend 2 years ago.
At first we liked her though he started to see us less, we used to see him every weekend - even when he had his ex girlfriend they'd always come and see us weekends.

They used to come over but just pop in some weekends. He stopped calling / answering his phone everyday.

He sold his lovely house we all had worked hard on making his home to go and live with her in a tiny 1 bed flat in a horrid area. Now they are an hour a way and we don't get invited there. Been there twice. He used to live in the same town.

He stopped his own business to be with her more as he was abroad a fair lot. And now he has a job we don't think is "him " and he can do better. We asked him to set up another business with his dad but she isn't keen.

He spends all his money on her. We think she uses him for money, they go out and waste a lot of money, it upsets us - all his savings are gone !! His dad was his business accountant and was crying looking at his bank balance now .

His girlfriend asked him to tell us to stop calling in the mornings and call him at night- I am very angry. I loved talking to him on his way to work most days. He isn't himself when he calls when she's in the room. He hides things from us.

He bought a new car and didn't tell us, we haven't even seen it. We used to be so close and loving.

Things got bad and we all fell out. We are heartbroken we hardly see him, we won't come over and see us alone , he won't do the morning calls on his way to work, he didn't see us Xmas day.

I am depressed and keep getting very ill, sick with worry.

I don't think she loves him! She's thrown him out twice ! If she loved Him how could she do that. He turns up crying and in a state and we have to help and pick up the pieces . We are only waiting for the next time. She's controlling him, he's in her house and she's telling him what to do, he's obsessed with her and lost all his confidence . I've told him to stop pretending to be someone he's not.

I don't know what to do. I've lost the closeness to him. Doesn't he love us ? Why are we being treated this way? He's asked us to back off and call only sometimes in evenings - I'm not happy about that. We were so close and saw him every week. Now he's a stranger . We don't know what he's doing. He booked a holiday and only told us a few weeks before they went

We want our loving son back

Am I being unreasonable ? I'm so worried , she has no right to tell us only to call in evenings when she's there. I'd like to talk to him privately.
She's a dictator and he's doing everything she asks and breaking our hearts . We aren't sleeping at night, worried sick about him.

How should I cope ? I miss my son,

Please help- I need help- even if it's action I need to take to change

[smackie9]

No you don't need to take charge! Even tho you feel he is your darling little boy, he is now a grown man that has his own life to live. It's time for you to cut the apron strings and let him make his own choices good or bad. He's a big boy now and you should stay out of his business. When he was first starting out, he was dependent on you, well he is 25 years old now, and shouldn't be under the control of his dear mommy anymore. I say you are goin gto have just sit back let things be even tho you feel you should be their with a catcher's mit to save him. I know you have good intensions, but getting involved can do more damage to your relationship with him that can have ever lasting consequnces.

[smackie9]

***Note: my mom and my brother's wife hate each other.....They haven't seen each other in years. I am witness to my mother's meddling, jealousy, and anger....the results is severed ties. Don't let this happen to you. Keep your mouth zipped and be supportive when your son needs you.

[Rowen]

At times like these, you need to remember he's still your son....but he also has his own life. Let him live it.

I can tell you that the worst thing in the world is being with someone whose mother does not think very highly of you at all..

[smackie9]

Even tho Backups post was harsh there is a reality to the repercussions of wanting the best for your child. Coddling doesn't teach them life skills such as self reliance, indepenence, value of a dollar, and self worth. This is probably why he is being such a doormat to this girl.

[basilandthyme]

Do you see the irony in you calling his girlfriend a dictator? I guess there's some truth in the saying that men marry women who are like their mothers.

I appreciate how much you love your son, but you (and your extended family) sound very overbearing and controlling. It's time to let him live the life he wants and make his own decisions.

You need to back right off.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Kill her if you really want to take measures into your own hands. Short of that, quit your bitching.

[Rowen]

Kill her if you really want to take measures into your own hands. Short of that, quit your bitching.

*chokes on his food, laughing*

Backup, that's the best post I've read all week.

[HeartIsAching]

25 years old, he doesn't want to be under mommy's thumb anymore, and you're angry about it.

I can't say that I blame him.

I signed my contract with the Army 4 days after I turned 17... precisely because of someone like you.

[Boisdevie]

My daughter is nearly 19 and has a boyfriend who's a few years older than her and has a son from a failed relationship. I'm not really comfortable with this idea. But, and this is the important point, I do not talk about this because it's none of my ****ing business. Get my drift?

[smackie9]

The OP is long gone guys......she didn't get what she wanted to hear.

[Boisdevie]

The OP is long gone guys......she didn't get what she wanted to hear.

Shame. I was about to get into my 'insult the loony' mode. Damn, life can be so unfair.

[Rowen]

Then again, she might have actually followed Backup's advice and went to kill her. hahaha

[vashti]

You guys are assholes. Any parent would be concerned about some of the choices her son is making, and your best advice was to be insulting?

Just in case she comes back, I want to say I feel for you, Sammy32. Unfortunately, their isn't a thing you can do about this, other than to let your son sleep in the bed he makes, and hope he comes to his senses sooner than later. Rather than invest any more of your financial resources into getting him set up in life, I suggest you consider a bit of counseling to help deal with your grief. (He should have been buying his own house, and starting his own business, anyway. He would have been much less likely to let it all go if he had.) Take a vacation, or do something nice for yourself.

I also want to advise you to avoid conflict with her. She may very well be the mother to your grandkids, and she will have the power to prevent visits, because it doesn't sound like your son has the strength to oppose her.

[Wakeup]

You know, when you give your child(ren) EVERYTHING I think its just as abusive as giving them nothing. They don't learn to appreciate you but rather become entitlement prince or princesses who don't appreciate you or what you've done. That's water under the bridge now because he's been raised to expect while not appreciating.

Momma: You need to stop using your son as your soul means for living. He's a grown man and if you talk to him honestly and tell him that you'd really appreciate a call from him once a week to let you know how he is doing and that it would be really nice to see him once a month for dinner with his girlfriend, I'm pretty sure you'll have compromised so that you're seeing him regularily but not on your needy schedule, you'll learn to stop smothering and expecting him to reciprocate your giving through his loving.

You are being unhealthy in your need and you're driving him away. There comes a time in your ADULT children's life that you have to stop trying to control, and let them sink or swim after we've given them our advice and councel.

You'll just have to let him hit his own rock bottom. It's up to you if you bail him out when he eventually comes to you for help in getting over her for good. (if ever).

I don't think she loves him! She's thrown him out twice ! If she loved Him how could she do that. He turns up crying and in a state and we have to help and pick up the pieces . We are only waiting for the next time. She's controlling him, he's in her house and she's telling him what to do, he's obsessed with her and lost all his confidence . I've told him to stop pretending to be someone he's not.

Who else did you expect him to end up with when all he's used to is a woman controlling him and not allowing him to grow and learn on his own two feet. Your son needs some councelling. If she's left him twice and he keeps going back to her, then as much of a bitch she may be, that's on him. He's the one that can't let go and stay gone. What does that say about HIM?