my biggest problem...

[Billyman3000]

I've lost all hope of ever finding someone(love is a glove that never fitted me), so I try to concentrate on my college degree(computer science, btw) because, apart from being a necessary requirement for a stable job in the future(it doesn't guarantee success, but not having one? forget about it!), I've never been actually good at nothing, I think that the success of getting good grades would give me the strength I need to carry on with my lonely life, BUT, my mind is constantly being swarmed with senseless, obsessive thoughts that I can't control no matter what, so I end up being a failure at both love life and professional life. What should I do in order to be better at what I do? Damn, it's just that I need to find something that I'm good at? Damn, I never thought that my life would be like this: a failure at college life and love life... I just want to be good at what I do, I want to be a programmer, but these irrational thoughts keep swarming my mind... My idea would be that, when I'm studying, I forget about the harsh truth of never finding someone and focus only on my studies in order to achieve my dream... I'm not a psychologist, but the fact that I'm the only one in my group of friends who doesn't have a girlfriend really contributes to the fact that I'm depressed about never finding someone, but this shouldn't interfere with my college life, but i just don't know how to avoid it... This already started to interfere with my daily life to the point that I start crying and almost fall into a depression when I'm in contact with something that makes me remeber the fact that I'll never find anyone(songs, happy couples kissing, my friends talking about their girlfriends...). What should I do in order that I can focus all my energies on my studies so that I can have a much better life in the future?

[TulipRose]

You will find someone.
Personally I feel a person has to love themselves before they can be loved by others.
Maybe you do need to find that new hobby or activity? Or something that's social?
It'll end up being when you're least expecting it and not looking for someone, that they'll turn up!

You've got a hefty degree subject by the sounds of things. Go you! You can do it.
Have you spoke to anyone about your thoughts and what's going on? It would help.
You need some happiness in your life (which of course you deserve) and some things to look forward to. How about a blokes trip out? Holiday? Saving for something to buy?
Exercise/walking can really help when feeling down.

[WhaleShark]

That's definitely a limiting belief that you have to consciously overcome... Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right! (in this case, its find love.) Actively seek help and advice.. I know of plenty of sources to help sharpen your social and dating skills. Whenever something is wrong in your life, it is MOST OFTEN that you need to learn a new SKILL! Keep at it man!

[Billyman3000]

But my friends got a girlfriend without an effort, why can't I do it too? ALL of them got a girlfriend without ever having to learn that skill...
I have literally ZERO things that make me feel happy, and hanging out with my friends is not one of them. How would you feel if everyone of your group of friends had a girlfriend and were constantly bragging about them whenever you're around and, to add insult to injury, they often make you feel alone as a dog in the middle of them? Damn, no wonder
So,with all this, I don't have anyone to talk to about this, as everyone of my friends would start to mock me...
I don't have anything to look forward to... My lifes sucks, I'll never have a girlfriend, I suck at everything I do...
Absolutely NOTHING can cheer me up, I can't even relax! How can I relax when I'm living the worst life I've ever imagined? I mean, it's not the worst compared to other lives(you know which ones I'm talking about), but why is my life falling apart? WHY? Looks like I don't deserve to be happy after all...

[BackUpOrGetStng]

What do you have to offer a girlfriend?

[Billyman3000]

What do you have to offer a girlfriend?

I'm a good listener, I'm understanding, no one will ever try to steal me from her, I'm funny(sometimes), I'm intelligent(not much, but it's something), I'm a good lover, because I enjoy every small victory, I'm humble... Long story short, I can make a woman happy(although I seriously doubt that I'll ever make anyone happy...) and I think that's enough...

[BackUpOrGetStng]

So, basically you are a decent human being, who considers himself undesirable, and you think that should be enough to make a girl's undies wet?

No woman wants to be with a downer, unless she's got some issues of her own.

[TulipRose]

You need to try and stop comparing yourself to everyone else.
It will continue to get you down if you keep doing that.

Maybe you should speak to someone who can help you feel more positive about things. I think you have a lot going for you, but you're focussing on all the negatives and missing the positives, and therefore, possibly missing the girl of your dreams!

I think, people need to be happier with themselves/love themselves before someone can love them.
If someone is unhappy and sad and moaning, how can they expect to anyone else to be happy for them.

[Billyman3000]

I don't think it's enough, the qualities I have are enough, but how can I not be a downer? I suck at everything I do, and the only time girls "like me" is either when they're mocking me or when they're fooling themselves...

[Billyman3000]

Look man, I'm not the only unhappy guy in my group of friends, that's why I'm like this.
Do you know what's like to be inferior to everyone else? It's one of the worst feelings in the world, trust me... Why can't I be like them? Why? What do I have they don't?!
How can I not compare myself to others? Come on, if they can do it, so do I! I'm not a lesser human being!
How am I missing out the girl of my dreams? My dreams of ever getting a girl are dead! It would be stupid to even think about the "girl of my dreams". Truth is, the "girl of my dreams" isn't there for me, because I don't deserve a girl, I'm worthless, I can't do anything right...
I don't have anything positive in my life! NOTHING! My life has been failure after failure after failure! I don't have any friends to talk to! My parents don't listen to me...
If I ever had a chance, I would start believing in myself, but it's stupid for a guy like me to just think about it, I'm the most useless guy to ever roam the earth, I don't deserve such a blessing...

[TulipRose]

Look, I'm trying to find some positives here for you, as it seems you are in a negative spiral. Questioning a lot of things, asking "why me', it doesn't feel fair etc.

To put it to the point, you may struggle to find a girlfriend if you continue to be in this mindset. It won't send out the right signals.
We're trying to help you, and you are seeming to find a negative to it all or something against out point of view.


And yes, I have questioned myself 'why can't i have X', 'why me' etc, but at the end of the day, it gets you nowhere. Either aspire positively to work towards what they have as in, "Yeah i'd really like to have something like that, so I'm gonne do XYZ to achieve it' , or stop comparing yourself to them altogether.

Positive thinking and positive drive!

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I don't have anything positive in my life! NOTHING! My life has been failure after failure after failure! I don't have any friends to talk to! My parents don't listen to me...
If I ever had a chance, I would start believing in myself, but it's stupid for a guy like me to just think about it, I'm the most useless guy to ever roam the earth, I don't deserve such a blessing...

What do your friends have that you don't? Confidence. Some of your friends might be unhappy or not in the best situation, but I doubt they see themselves as useless and undeserving of love.

If your life has been failure after failure, then you need to focus on being successful at something, so you can prove to yourself that you're not useless or a failure. Do you have any goals?

[Billyman3000]

Yes, of course that I have, but I lack the skills to accomplish them...
How can I be confident when I'm not good at anything? It's stupid to be confident when you suck...

[Billyman3000]

But I can't do anything right, that's the problem, if I even try to get a girlfriend I'll fail because I was born a failure...

[BackUpOrGetStng]

It starts by removing the phrase, I can't. You don't have to be some sunshiney, optimistic guy, but you do have to be determined to keep going in spite of failure. If you're not good at something and you want to be, practice..furiously.

You need to stop trying to get a girlfriend, and start trying to become a person you are happy with and accept. You are trying to have someone else validate you, because you can't validate yourself, and it doesn't work like that. You need to dig in, and accomplish one of these goals, you have. Struggling through adversity and triumphing, particularly when in something solitary, is what builds confidence and self reliance. It's a hard thing to do, but the rewards are so worth it.