my biggest problem...

[Billyman3000]

The only reason I kept going in spite of failure is that I'm doomed to even more failure if I don't try...
But how can I be someone I'm happy with? I can't! How can I turn from loser to winner when I'm destined to be a chronic loser? The only place I'm happy with myself is in my imagination, because that's the only place I'll ever get a girlfriend...

[BackUpOrGetStng]

If you give up and believe you are destined to be a chronic loser and all these other things, I can guarantee you will be.

[Billyman3000]

But I can't do anything to stop this...

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Whether you think you can or you can't, you are right.

[KingZ]

The only place I'm happy with myself is in my imagination, because that's the only place I'll ever get a girlfriend...

Aww, man. You can do it!

Get to work. Get a haircut. Shave. Start working out; running especially. Brush your goddamn teeth. Clean your flat. Read books. Stop dooming yourself to failure. Discover new things you didn't know were there before.

Give it 6 months of taking care of yourself like this, and you'll be ready.

[Billyman3000]

Aww, man. You can do it!

Get to work. Get a haircut. Shave. Start working out; running especially. Brush your goddamn teeth. Clean your flat. Read books. Stop dooming yourself to failure. Discover new things you didn't know were there before.

Give it 6 months of taking care of yourself like this, and you'll be ready.

I just don't have what it takes: I try to turn my attentions to my college course, but then I remember I'm not good at anything... I'm worthless, no woman will ever want me...

[KingZ]

Ah, yeah, sorry about my last post. I was jacked up on amphetamines when I said all that.

[RambleOn]

Buy a Harley, get some tats, and then the chicks will love you. No dont do that Billy. Like someone else said in the forum until you learn to love yourself no one else will love you. Women are complicated Billy and you have got to understand how they think and how they size up a man. If a women even senses that you have no confidence they are out and moving on. You sound like a nice gut though Billy. So read what women think of "nice guys"

Why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS
You hear it all the time: "He was such a NICE Guy, and she's such a Heartless Bitch for dumping him."

I get letters from self-professed Nice Guys, complaining that women must WANT to be treated like shit, because THEY, the "Nice Guy" have failed repeatedly in relationships. This is akin to the false logic that "Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all mammals live in the sea."

If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it.

What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys (tm) are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.

Nice Guys exude insecurity -- a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are "users" -- just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on "Nice Guys", stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It's no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when the so often the kind of woman that gets attracted to them is the lowest form of life...

Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find "Nice Guys" to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure.

Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a "lets get together for coffee" date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things. They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a "date".

They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them.

They cling to her, and want to be "one" with her for fear that if she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else. A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him.

Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.

Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner.

Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that "no one will ever love her as much as I do." Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is akin to saying to her: "You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here."

The nice guy -needs- to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear. The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue... But love isn't mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and romantic love is really no different. Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The irony of it all is: "Who would want to go out with someone who was inherintly unlovable anyways?"

More than loving the woman in his life, a Nice Guy NEEDS her. "She is my Life, my only source of happiness..." YECH! What kind of a burden is that to place on her? That SHE has to be responsible for YOUR happiness? Get a grip!

Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results.

This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for "love".

Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF.

You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible.

[Billyman3000]

I still can't find an explanation to why all the "nice guys" I know have a girlfriend, and I guarantee you that some of them are no better than me... Damn, I must suck really bad...

[basilandthyme]

I still can't find an explanation to why all the "nice guys" I know have a girlfriend,

The explanation is simple: they believe in themselves and they believe they can get a girlfriend.

[Billyman3000]

That's the problem: they don't. They were always complaining to me about it. They're not better than me, it just happened that girls also like insecure, shy guys("nice guys"), but somehow I can't get one, although I have everything a girl needs...

[BackUpOrGetStng]

That's the problem: they don't. They were always complaining to me about it. They're not better than me, it just happened that girls also like insecure, shy guys("nice guys"), but somehow I can't get one, although I have everything a girl needs...

Many girls want security. You cannot provide that in any way, it seems.

[Billyman3000]

Neither do them...

[Billyman3000]

Many girls want security. You cannot provide that in any way, it seems.

That stuff about security is all bogus. Most of my friends are those kind of people who are happy while in a relationship, but miserable single. They don't provide insecurity in any way, but the thing is they fake it, and even gullible girls want security, right? I just need to fake I'm confident and they will fall to my feet.

[loveagent3]

never give up hope, you will find it