Leaving bf of 6 years for another man, moral dilemma

[Mina]

Hi guys, hope you are having a good day. I need you to be honest with me. I've been with a guy for 6 years. I loved him, and respected him 100%. He was amazing man at the beginning, but last 3 years he was treating me poorly. We had horrible fights. It is partly my fault. I started spending all the time with him, lost my own life, and I started relaying on him too much. During every fight, he says he doesn't love me, he should have cheated on me, he doesn't want to be together. He started treating me as s�it, embarrassing me in front of my friends, humiliating me in front of his family. He stopped making any effort around me. I had a number of hardships, the death of close family member etc. He was not there for me. While treating me like shit, he gets so jealous. If I spend 1h out of home after work, he gets insane, calling me whore etc. We live together for 2.5 years now. Some fights got so bad, that he has hit me. I am not innocent myself, I screamed at him, but I've never hit him back. That doesn't happen often, but still scares me so much. In front of his brother and sister in law he would tell me he wishes he shared the moment with a person he loved not me. The way he treats me doesn't show any love for me. But yet, he holds on me so tight. Gets so jealous etc. He is a monster 20% of time, an amazing guy 80% of time. I afraid I have to much of resentment to love him further. I on the other hand, hold on 6 years together too much. I feel we must have had something great to last that long without cheating. Anyways, I managed to fixed troubles I had in my life for a year (on my own as he didn't want to help). I've started spending more time with one of my acquaintances, and I think I started falling in love. I'm well aware it might be my need for rebound, as I'm so hurt by my bf. Anyways, this guy was there for me, when my bf made a drama month. We haven't had sex, or anything alike. But he told me he doesn't look at me like friend, and that I deserve someone to love me, as I am a person that is so lovable. This guy is very smart and educated (Ivy league), and we've been having so good time. He is much better looking guy than my bf, equally as successful, but unlike my bf he is not a rich monster, he spent a year in south-eastern Asia working for charity. He makes me feel so special, we both love reading, we have similar education, appreciate same things. We both traveled a lot, and I could imagine spending much more time with him, as he really makes me happy and appreciated. The problem is that I live with my bf, and that I do not want to be a cheater. I've told him I do not feel the same any longer, and he suddenly started treating me the way he used to 6 years ago when we were studying together (when I moved to US). I cannot be mean to him, after 6 years. But I have a little fate in this sudden change he made. My heart is already elsewhere. I don't want to loose a man I loved for so long, for nothing more than rebound. And I can never know if this other guy is 100% honest with me. We indeed click much better. I believe my partner lost respect for me, as he would stop pushing me, and being physically aggressive (that every time he neglects). When he threw me on floor, and I got injured, he said it was because I blocked his way, and he just pushed me, I was clumsy again. All I want to do is to spend time with the new guy, but my remorse stops me from seeing him. What would you do? How would you proceed? How not to hurt the guy I live with? But not hurt yourself either? Do I love the new guy, or running to him is just an emotional response to torture my partner put me through? He regularly texts me, records song he plaid on his guitar for me, and he is treating me so well. And I love spending time with him. I've never felt so cared for in my life. He cooks for me, talks to me any time I need someone, listens to me when I am sad, laughs with me when I am happy, finds all little stupid mistakes I make in my English part of my character that is cute. While my live in (ex?) partner is insulting me any time I say something stupid, calls me names and mocks my European heritage. I am between my integrity, and something new in my life that looks like it could be a great story. My stupid morals is stopping me from it, but I admit I spend 24/7 thinking of the new guy in my life.

[Boisdevie]

I think you should stay with your current partner and wait until the violence escalates until one day he kills you. Then leave him for the other guy.

[4 ratties]

Your morals are already out the window. You've cheated . Emotionally. Instead of getting ready to move on to the next guy why don't u try living on your own, without a man for a little while? See if u can actually do it, then start Persuing whoever you want.

[basilandthyme]

What would I do? I'd give myself a kick up the ass for wasting those three bad years with the current guy and dump him. Then yeah, I may well date the new guy. Sure, it may not work out, but at least I'd be out of the previous crappy relationship.

Sometimes it takes a bit of good treatment to remind us just how bad our current situation is.

As for the future, as soon as you see the beginnings of bad behaviour (yelling, insults etc) dump the guy straight away. Do not make this same mistake again.