Still not over ex after 11 months

[qmgal123]

I broke up with my ex-boyfriend almost a year ago as he moved to a different country to begin university. He was my first everything, and we were going out for 6 months and did discuss long distance, however, we found that the distance would be too hard as we would live almost 20 hours away from each other by plane, and he said that he would want to see me if we were in a relationship. Although 6 months isn't that long to be going out, we fell in love quickly and everything progressed so rapidly. After he left we kept in contact over Facebook and when he came back in the summer we ended up sleeping together and got into a massive fight. We resolved it and have sort of kept in contact since.

I have since started university (last year in September 2013) and I haven't found anyone else. I find myself thinking of my ex almost every day and still check his Facebook and Instagram profile. I don't know if I should delete him, but don't want to come off as being childish, and I do genuinely want to be friends, although every time I try he rejects my friendship. We were meant to meet up at Christmas but after rescheduling he told me it wouldn't be beneficial to us, and he didn't understand why I wanted to see him. I guess Im just hurt because I still see him as someone special and thought even though we can't be together I would still like to be considered friends, so it hurts that he doesn't even want that.

I have been on a few dates since starting uni, but I just can't see myself being happy with them. I don't know if I am being too picky or have high standards, but I just want my next boyfriend to be someone that Im attracted too and I want to see myself with them for a long time, not just a few months or a rebound. I don't really want to feel like I have settled. Everyone around me seems to have found someone quickly and started new relationships. I feel as though I won't ever love anyone again and that really scares me. I don't know if this is a common experience for people? My ex has found someone else and while Im happy for him it still hurts a lot to see this, and I just desperately wish that that could be me and that I could be happy again with someone too. I think that by now I should have moved on, even if I'm not with someone new, but I don't think I should have the urge to check his profiles or think about him almost everyday. This worries me as I don't want to find myself in the same position in a year.

[smackie9]

I agree you need to completely let him go. Delete everything, and stop stalking him. You don't realize that this is why you haven't moved on, is because you would let it happen. You are still obsessing over him, even hoping to be friends with him.....just stop it. Yes your expectations are too high expecting someone you meet to have your emotions explode into sparks, and you are too busy comparing them to your ex....that totally fails. Once you flush him out of your system, focus on YOU and your friends, and having fun, you will eventually meet someone. I always found the harder you look the less likely you will meet someone, so cut out the search and let things happen naturally. Let them find you.

[basilandthyme]

Deleting an ex from social media isn't childish - it's something required to get over them. Most of us can't move on if there are daily reminders.

Your ex is clearly going through the same process and this is why he's not seeking a friendship or meeting you for Christmas. It's time to tell him that you have to delete the social media contacts in order to get over him. It's fine to tell him that you were worried about appearing childish or petty, but you've realised it's the only way forward for you. By the sounds of him, he will think you're sensible and not hold it against you.