Should I call my ex?

[r321148]

So bit of back story:
We broke up in September 2013 after only 7 months together. I was coming to the end of my studies and struggling to find a job (aged 28). She was entering her final year of a tough degree course that required a lot of time and commitment (aged 26). My lack of job meant everything was a bit uncertain about where I'd end up living. She decided that she couldn't cope with the uncertainty because she needed to focus and she ended things (this was one day after breaking down in tears on me over the fact that we might end up living a few hours apart). I said I would like to try to stay together even if it did involve distance but she said it would just be too hard for her. We didn't fight or argue, I said that it really hurt but that I would respect her decision. She kissed me on the lips and left in tears.

First up it hit me really hard. I had no job and now no gf. Then I found a job about a week after that before moving onto a better one 4 weeks later. In this time I contacted her a little in the first week. She said I had done nothing wrong and that she really hoped I was OK. In the second week I wished her well with an assignment she had, to which she didn't reply. Then we didn't speak for almost 2 weeks. After I took my second new job I messaged her saying I hoped that everything was OK and that it would be nice if we could meet for a drink as friends (I had suggested it would be nice to stay friends at the time she broke up with me and she smiled and said that would be great). She didn't reply to me and deleted me from her IM. This was around the start of October.

I took the hint and left her alone...respecting her wishes like I said I would. I did a lot of moving on after that, joined new sports teams, threw myself into my work, made new friends and even dated a couple of girls. I had her almost removed from my head and then for some reason she popped back in out of the blue. I tried to keep doing the same as before; dating girls, playing sports and working hard but no matter what she was still in my head. Then at Christmas I sent a text saying that I hoped she was doing well. She replied saying "thanks, I hope you have a lovely Christmas and your life is going well too xx".

So the last few weeks I've been thinking about calling her. The circumstances of our breakup have changed since we've been apart. There is no uncertainty now as I have a good job, although she is still under lots of pressure and studying.
I really miss her. I've been on lots of dates since and have found nobody to be a patch on her. I feel like I miss her even more than my previous ex who I was with for 5 years and that seems so illogical to me. Surely I should be over her by now as we weren't together for all that long?!

So should I call her? Should I wait until she has finished studies (July time) and see where we are then?
If I call her how do I approach it and what do I say after not having spoken to her in months?

My previous ex's I've just got over through strict NC and just moved on but I am really struggling to do that with this one and I'm not entirely sure why.
Any advice?

[El Cid]

I would suggest that you should give it a try
ask her out, tell her what you have in mind for her
every single thing but after she has finished her studies. She must be going through a lot of pressure and frustration would give an answer that is not in your favour. so wait until she's done

well...wen u approach her ask her out as a friend just meet her occasionally . find out whether she already has someone in her life. give her some tym to start thinking abt u again and after abt 5-6 meetings tell her your inner feelings

and if the reason for breakup was just a "no proper job" and if she has no one else in her life .....trust me she'll come back

best of luck

[r321148]

Thanks for the reply.
So you think I should wait til July?
I kind of agree that at the moment things have changed from my end... but not from hers. I think it would be sensible to wait until she finishes studying but my worry is that by then it will have been almost 9 months since we spoke properly. Surely that's too long to try again after such a short relationship....I'm even thinking it's already been too long.
The reason for the breakup wasn't the lack of a proper job exactly.... she said it was that she wasn't able to cope the with additional pressure of the uncertainty and the potential of a LDR at such an important time in her studies.

[El Cid]

The thing is whether SHE wants you in her life or not. It would really be foolish to pop the main question right now as she has already given u signs dat she doesn't want you the way it used to be. If you really need her, trust me you can't give up no matter how difficult it is. u can make it go a bit fast. get into her life as a friend.Do it now. stay there until she needs you(but don't push yourself on her) . prove it to her that u can be a great person (as a friend for now atleast) and after she's done (in July) I think she'll trust u more as u hv been with her for such a long and important tym of her life. So it solves her problem of having someone special at such a crucial point. later, ask her the final question (ie. whether she wants u in her life or not)
and if she's comfortable(with the LDR) she'll definitely say yes. if its a no all this will be a waste of time but atleast u won't feel guilty for not trying good enough for the girl who means the world to u.

take care

[r321148]

Thanks again for the reply.
I agree. I care about her and do want to be there for her even if it is "just" as a friend. She did ignore me before when I tried to be friendly but then I think I maybe tried a bit too soon (only a couple of weeks after the breakup). She did reply to my message at xmas so maybe that's a good sign although maybe she was just being polite?

See that's the kind of stupid thing about all of this. If we were to get back together now then it wouldn't be an LDR as I got a good job and ended up staying in the end anyway. It was just that it was so up in the air about what I'd actually be doing and where I'd be based that she didn't like and said it would distract her from her studies.
I don't think I've handled this very well since we finished. By attempting to respect what she wanted and move on with my own life I have basically ended up not speaking to her for the last 3 months (aside from one text message at xmas). Now I have no idea how I'd go about re-establishing contact?
It's a shame because we got on so well and I'm convinced that we both made each other happy in the brief time we were together.

[r321148]

Any thoughts on how and when to get back in touch?
Is a casual text better or should I give her a call?