ONLINE DATING, Is there a General Type of People Who Prefer It?

[Fjortis]

At the beginning I had no stereotypes about online dating and dating sites, but now I think I'm beginning to get a bit disappointed.

I've had a profile on the dating site Plenty of Fish for a long time (about 2-3 years).

When I just created it I wasn't looking for any serious relationship, or any relationship, really, I just sometimes met people from there and went out for a drink or coffee with them, that was it.

Then I hid my profile for a year or more (it's not deleted but people can't see it).

Now I am a bit older and actually want to find a real soul-mate, someone to have a relationship with.

So I am taking these dates a bit more seriously, and the picture is not very good:

I get many messages, so I am selective about who I meat.
(For instance I only meat guys with good, normal photos (NOT photos of them drinking and with bare torso in the washroom taking pictures of themselves for instance),
Also guys who take time to exchange nice, well-written messages with me, and who in general are interesting, polite, educated.

So it can be said I am pretty much only meeting the best (and most normal) of the guys on POF.

And still!

So far I met about 5 of these "good guys"

Well, it turned out, as soon as they realized that I will not be having sex with them in the next week they disappeared!

Also a couple of them turned out to be strange and difficult in other ways.

A couple of them just kind of lost touch with me (probably because on a dating site there is an impression that there will always be someone better and people never stop).

Moreover!

When I came back to POF and browsed the profiles using the same search criteria as before (approx. age, education level) I saw many of the same faces (both those who I met and those who I did not meet, but whose profiles I just remembered) they are still active users, at the top of the search results, either "online today" or "online in the past few days"!

Many of these guys are in their late 20's supposedly looking for a serious relationship, or even "actively seeking"..

And they are still actively seeking two years later..

This finally made me think that perhaps a certain type of people is mostly attracted to online dating. Maybe people who are overly perfectionistic, or with unrealistically high standards.. or maybe online dating makes them this way, because of the online dating similarity with "shopping", and the impression that there will always be someone better…

Also, have you ever noticed that the person who you meet in real life (fellow student, co-worker) is valued much more than someone you meet online, though objectively, the person you meet online may be better, more handsome, more successful etc. Still their value seems to somehow go down a lot, just because you met that person online…

Do you have personal experience with using online dating?

What do you think of dating sites?

Do you think people who meet online unfortunately take each other less seriously and value each other less?

Also, all that I said here I meant In General. I didn't want to say that Everyone who uses online dating is a certain way, I meant a general trend..

[Starnique]

I don't have a lot of experience with online dating. I have never done it. I mean, I have met a guy but it was kind of random. What I mean is, I don't and have never signed up on a dating site to intentionally meet a guy. Notice I said meet, not meat..hinthint..... I just always meet guys in person and I have an active, healthy dating life and I'm talking heavy to a guy that I met in person so I really haven't felt the need to go online or had any interest.

I don't see anything wrong with it though. I just say be careful because people you meet in person can be crazy, so imagine how crazy a person can be sitting behind a computer screen. I have a friend who has met quite a few guys on POF so it can be beneficial. I do think it also depends on the website. If its free and everyone can join, well you get what you sign up for. I also have another close friend of mine who met a guy online a few years ago and she went to meet him in another state and stayed gone for 6 whole ****ing months. Her family was disgusted with her. This guy was controlling and a total nightmare and a gifted liar. He had everyone thinking she was a bad guy. She said his family was real country but they good cook their asses off lol. Then she said when she finally got sick of his shit and decided to leave, his mother to her keys and tried to hold her hostage. Them was some crazy ass people! Anyway, I just felt like sharing that. So it can be beneficial or a nightmare.

I agree meeting people in person is better IMO. People can be full of shit online but act sweet in person. My experience wasn't that great as you can see, when I got to know the real person. In person is more of a connection and physical and instead of going off of what people tell you online, you can read people more when they approach you in person or you can hang out with them more. I haven't honestly heard any good online relationships that lasted from people I know. Meeting in person seems more natural to me.

I would say try to meet people in person first but if that fails, go online but just be careful either way.

[JadenMia]

Plenty of fish around here is known as plenty of syph. It doesn't have the best rating and every single man I know that uses that site is looking for sex no strings attached.
Maybe try a different online dating site. One that you have to pay to get on or something. You would probably find men more serious about finding their 'match' then.

I'm not a fan of online dating sites. I feel it's too forced.

[Boisdevie]

Online dating is a bit like dating in real life. You get your fair share of dimwits, loonies and f.uckwits in both.

[4 ratties]

I think the stigma you talked about is stupid and I disagree. I dont think it matters at all where a couple meets and theres no reason to judge. I think those guys on plenty of fish lie. if they really wanted love they could have found somebody to click with in two years. its just an act they just want sex. im sure some guys just view it as a free sex site.

[SeekingMuse]

I actively met and went on a few dates with several people from POF when I was dating. I also took a hiatus and hid my profile, and then joined again when I was ready to get serious.

From my experience, most of the guys I hung out with either wanted sex no strings attached, or just casual dating. I met personally, spoke to, and hung out with about 10 guys. 2 of the 10 were awesome fun guys who just weren't ready to get serious and were just looking for casual dating, that's all I was looking for at the time as well, and we have stayed friends for nearly 3 years. Only one of out of the 10 were looking for a real honest relationship and never pressured me into sex, we just didn't turn out to be compatible the way that we had hoped.
The rest, only wanted sex no strings attached or were socially awkward.
I had to eventually just shut down my profile and move on.
If you are looking for your soul mate, someone who is genuinely interested in meeting some one for the long haul, I would highly suggest joining a paid membership site.
Those are the guys that you know are serious for the most part, of course you'll still get your pervy guys and those who are just in it for the sex, but you're chances are higher for something real.

If meeting some one through every day life isn't an option for whatever reason, I would definitely suggest to steer clear of free dating sites, and invest a little in your future if it's what you feel is the best option for you.

[Lord Darkshire]

You get what you pay for on free sites, just like the advice given on this one.

[Wakeup]

If you're serious yourself Fjortis, you'd join a site that you have to pay for. Most of these guys that are just looking for sex don't want to pay for the priviledge to hook up with you. They're likely already paying for your dinner and they don't want to pay to meet you through emails. Men who pay generally tend to be looking for something more substatial then a coffee and a bj in the parking lot... although I'm sure even the most serious of them would accept willingly if it was offered.

[smackie9]

I am so glad I'm not single......

[fearoflove]

Guys on there are not really on there for a relationship. They are more on there to date around and see type. They see so many girls on just as girls see so many guys on there so they want to shop around rather than to settle right away. I met the hottest guys on POF and pretty well educated too but I find they don't want to be in a relationship right away. But the less hot guys on there who doesn't pay for a date or less successful guys on there want a relationship.

[AnErin]

You can meet people on dating sites Yes there are a lot of flakes though.
I have done the online dating thing and it is not like THAT many men have tried to kill me. Just because one in five was an axe murderer and people want to act like it is so dangerous, Jeeze!

For real though - You never know what will come of things. It is easy to get discouraged. Relationships need to be developed and grow, they don't just happen overnight. They take work and mutual interest in making things grow.

For the "type" of person who uses dating sites - usually it is complete losers like myself. I am such a loser that the one time in history that the crowds boo'ed at the special olympics, it was because I was competing.

[Miaji]

I prefer online dating. It is much better than first date in real life. You find out about person a lot before first meeting, so then you have already a lot of topics for discussion. I had several dates and some of them finished good. Last time at romancecompass.com I met a man with whom I were more than half of a year. We had a lot of in common but the problem was distance. Noone of us wanted to quit his job. Such a bad story

[smithhiles]

Now a days online dating have become more and more popular.Internet dating is a dating experience that allows individuals to contact and communicate with one another over the Internet.We have many online dating sites available...

[Kromat83]

I kind of like not knowing what to expect with who you meet, it gives it that mystery.
With online dating, people are too upfront right away, that it takes away the fun.
What will you talk about in person, if both of you, let's hope you didn't share that much, that the conversation becomes awkward, because of where to start.

It's more visual, and it wont be attracted to the person, but some picture and unrealistic info, until you meet them in person.

Most of it is a fantasy, hoping it will come true, and even if the girls do talk to you, who knows if they are just bored or to take advantage of you, I probably wont do it ever again and would rather take longer finding someone in public, than sit by a computer.

[MeByLife]

Man that's really unfortunate. It's ironic that someone posted about this because me and a friend of mine (which I met on POF) were talking about this exact thing, just a few hours ago, actually. Honestly, there really are some genuine people like yourself and I who actually does have interest in actually meeting someone who they could potentially start and build something worth cherishing with on there, you just have to really look and also be patient (not that, that applies to you seeing that you've been a member for a few years now). Actually, it just so happens that, that friend I spoke of is someone that I've been talking with and getting to know for the last few months now. We still haven't even met yet, but for the last few months, we've been steady with continuing to get to know each other and working towards building something to see if the chemistry is there to the point that we could possibly begin something that could actually be promising. We barely even talk about sex to be honest. We're actually suppose to meet this Saturday for the first time ever and I'm actually quite nervous lol, but overall I'm not expecting anything to happen and I'm hoping that she's on the same page because it would be a shame to have spent all this time getting to know each other just find out that she's not even the type of person that she has been presenting herself to be all this time like so many others. After all, who would really want to fall for anybody that's been with everybody, right? So you see, there really are some genuine people on that site, it just takes time, for some more than others, that's all. Don't get discouraged (I'm sure that's easier said than done considering your circumstances)

As far as stereotyping goes, I hate to say it, but MOST guys (not all) really are on there only looking to catch a one night stand and I can understand your frustration very much, especially with how long you say you've been on there. Maybe it's time to try another dating site? (If you're even still interested in online dating at this point that is..) Also, in their defense (just to be fair) there's also a chance that some of the people you've met really might have been genuine and just simply lost interest (Mind you that I'm not speaking for the one's who made it obvious that they stopped talking to you because of you not wanting to give up the goods). It happens all the time. I myself have done it to be honest.

It's unfortunate and probably not the best advice somebody can give but the only thing I can really say when it comes to POF, is just to remain positive about it. You'll run across a decent guy on there eventually. In closing, also take it into consideration that maybe there could be a chance that what fate has in stored for you as far as love goes, doesn't have anything to do with POF.