Not sure if I'm really into this girl I'm seeing.

[gerald88]

Hey!

Bah, this is a tough one. I've been dating this girl for just under a month, she's cool, easy to hang with, fairly pretty and is really into me, I have no issues in with trust etc.

That sounds perfect, and is what I've been looking for, but I dunno, I just don't feel 'excited' around her.
Now I'm not sure if it's because we've moved too quick, she already leaves a towel and a pillow at my place and calls me 'her man'. I'm not being scared off because she's too clingy,
I want a serious relationship, but it just worries me that I don't feel a buzz to see/hear from her?

I also don't feel as though she makes much of an effort, she showers at mine after work and then will just chill out in tracksuit bottoms/jumper, very rarely bothers with make up or getting dressed up.

Now I realise how shallow that might sound, but I genuinely don't know what to do. Half of me wants to keep seeing her, but the other half doesn't wanna lead her on incase these feelings don't go away.
What really worries me is that I keep thinking if I had a chance with another girl, I'd take it and that's not me. In previous relationships I don't even look at other girls when I'm seeing someone.

Maybe I'm just over thinking things, but im just not sure if it's a good thing that were so comfortable after only a month, I feel like I'm getting bored.

Any advice would be appreciated!

Thanks.

[searock]

It definitely sounds like you should stop leading her on. She is clearly more into you than you are into her (which is zero), so it's not fair for her to believe that there's something serious beginning, while in reality you aren't even infatuated with her (as you should be in any new relationship). She might be perfect "on paper", but there's no chemistry and she isn't the one for you. Let her free, you will both find someone more compatible.

[Boisdevie]

One month in and she's not ringing your bell = it's a relationship heading nowhere.

[gerald88]

Is it weird that I feel bad about telling her? I can't work out if it's because I'm making a mistake, or just cause I feel
Horrible about letting her down?

[TheEvilJester]

It can be hard to tell with something like this, but you are only one month in and you don't feel excited? That sounds like you probably have moved on in your own mind, even if you don't realize it yet, or don't want to admit it. Sometimes people don't click. That is okay. Doesn't mean there is anything wrong with her, nor is there anything wrong with you. You said yourself you normally never even think of other women when you are in a relationship. The fact that you care so much about her feelings shows that you are a good person.

But, you need to figure out what you want quickly. She obviously sounds very comfortable in the relationship. So, the more you wait, the more it will hurt her if you break it off. But, if you do not want to be with her, then you need to break it off. Unfortunately, nobody can really tell you if you want to be with her or not. We can offer our thoughts and advice. From your story it certainly sounds like you have made your decision, but just sort of wish it didn't have to come to that. But, it has to be just that... your decision. So, all you can really do is to do some soul searching. Think long and hard about whether you may potentially want to spend the rest of your life with her, or whether you'd be better off breaking it off now. Good luck, my friend. I hope you decide what you want.

[Rowen]

Yeah, this isn't heading anywhere healthy...

I think it best to directly communicate how you feel about her and end it. I say directly communicate because this way she gets some closure from it and understands it's nothing that she did wrong- just that you don't feel the same spark anymore.

And don't forget, of course, that continuing to see her will only cause her more heartache than if you end it now.

[gerald88]

Yeah I guess you guys are right, and I guess I already knew this.

I'm just gonna have to find a way to tell her without upsetting her too much

I'm supposed to be seeing her tomorrow, do you think it's a good idea to see her, but maybe act a bit 'off' and then not sleep with her when we get back to mine, so she maybe has a tiny idea and then break it to her over the weekend?

I know I'm leading her on for one more date, but I just don't think I can drop this on her out of the blue, she won't be expecting it at all.

Thanks guys!

[Rowen]

I would break it to her tomorrow. The sooner, the better... Because even if you act "off," she still thinks she has a boyfriend when, emotionally, she doesn't.

[TheEvilJester]

Yeah, I'm not so sure I would both with delaying it, but acting "off." I mean, I definitely see what you mean. You don't want it to seem to her like it is coming from nowhere. But, honestly, even if you act off for one day, it will probably still seem to becoming out of nowhere anyway. Better just not to bother to delay any further. If you have decided that you do not think the relationship is one you want to maintain, then just break it off in the nicest, friendliest way you possibly can. Breaking up, unfortunately, is just hard no matter what. So, just do it with as much care and consideration as you can. Gently. Good luck.

[Bootsie]

By calling her 'Fairly pretty' I think you have answered your own Q.

[Lord Darkshire]

You are doing her a favor by breaking up. I think she feels the same way too and just wants to be in a relationship and it doesn't really matter with who you know what I mean? That's probably why there is a lack of effort on her end and you don't feel a spark.