One man for sex, another for problems?

[RambleOn]

Women have a friend ladder and a relationship ladder. You where on her friend ladder. Women usually do not let men who are on their friend ladder jump to the relationship ladder.

[lovewhisperer]

There are things that one can do to jump the friend zone. Here's a good article with that gives tips to show you how: http://tmblr.co/ZVQwVyMkr5sU

[smackie9]

That article doesn't show anything about how to jump the friends zone. It just suggests different ways to approach the girl on the subject... by manipulation or grow a set of balls that's it....there is no key information on how to actually get you OUT OF the friends zone.

[smackie9]

Women have a friend ladder and a relationship ladder. You where on her friend ladder. Women usually do not let men who are on their friend ladder jump to the relationship ladder.

I never did.

[MrKnobby]

I don't want to be fiends with liars.

She told me she had lived in my city for 10 years (reality one year), she told me she was 39 (she as actually early 40s), she told me she doesn't date divorced men (last boyfriend divorced) and she told me that she was seeing relatives in another town when she was with an ex one weekend (let slip where she was going, the place where her ex lived!). Its amazing what cold hard facts you can establish on the electoral roll, which is freely available for public viewing in the UK. I recommend anyone who thinks they are dating a liar does some checking. It helps avoid disappointment later and helps filter time wasters. Only a sociopath, tells so many lies.

I'm serious about finding a wife, as I am getting old, I'm 35 in a few weeks. I know you have to kiss a lot of frogs but you don't expect this kind of dishonesty from someone who is in their 40s and is supposed to have some maturity for their age! I guess you cannot help it if you have mental health issues.

[Mattiemae]

No you don't want to be friends with a liar. People lie and hide out of fear for the most part. Others lie deliberately to play mind games. You will run into all kind of frogs online. People are very deceptive. First off set up some guidelines for dating online.

1. Talking on voice is a must! Does their voice match the race of picture? 2. Lots and lots of pictures of the same person. 3. Cam so you know the pictures match the person. Hopefully talk to someone else that knows them in person to verify who they are. If not take your time getting to know them. 4.) If anything to do with money! Say see ya! 5.) Sex Sex Sex see ya! My rules was always talking about sex and money first fifteen minutes or everyday, not the right person. 6.) Never meet them in person for at least 6 months to a year. 7.) Meet them don't move in with them until you have at least two years.

I know this may sound kind of stupid, but let me tell you I've seen them all the last seven years. Changing pictures, changing avatars on virtual reality. Having a line up of men and women and the drama that comes with it. Fortunately it happens offline. Just easier to catch them online, because of social network sites, and other people helping you. lol

It will take you some time to find the right person. But you will and can! Seen that enough times too!

[MrKnobby]

That is good advice Mattiemae. I found this lady at a real life event. I had no prior knowledge of her background and no friends who knew of her. She's actually 'known' at my local young persons church but it seems she's not there for Jesus, more like man shopping. I thought it was odd that she asked me three times straight about the age of my parents? Was she more interested in the inheritance? LOL

It looks as though I will have to start using the Internet. I don't really want to do it because of all the bad things I read about. I guess I'll just have to learn to be harder on people and ditch them when I notice any of those warning signs you have mentioned. I live in a small city, so if I end up ditching a lot of people, there is a good chance I may see them again by accident. I don't want to create too many bad impressions!

[Mattiemae]

Sorry to hear that! Glad you figured it out before she caused to much damage!

[vashti]

This is my first post to the forum. You will have to excuse me, if I ask some rather naïve questions. I have been out of the dating game for 11 years....but that is another story.......

Three months ago I met a lady who I had about 15 dates with. She eventually told me that she didn't want to see me anymore. She was a rather bad at lying and not very good at hiding the truth either. But I gave her a chance and it was nice to get out the house

Her behaviour was odd......but to cut a long story short.....this is what she was doing:

Getting drunk, on dates with one guy and having sex with him...........then meeting up with another guy and unloading all her emotional / problems / difficulties on him whilst leading him on in a sexual way.

You can probably guess, I was the guy not getting the sex I can understand that if a women has a lot of problems she might frighten the guy away who she was getting the sex from, but can anyone tell why else she does this? She told me she doesn't have many female friends and her best friend doesn't speak to her anymore.

Do you think what she does is wrong or acceptable today? If you think it is wrong do you think I should tell her that she needs to stop messing around and find one man for everything? Or is it it none of my business?

Unfortunately, I am not taking about a teenager, or a women in her early twenties, she is a 40 year old who has never had a child.

What do you think?

I am going to play the devil's advocate. Did you ever actually have an exclusivity agreement? Or did you just assume you were her boyfriend?

I am less troubled by the way your relationship evolved than by the types of little lies she told.

[MrKnobby]

I am going to play the devil's advocate. Did you ever actually have an exclusivity agreement? Or did you just assume you were her boyfriend?

I am less troubled by the way your relationship evolved than by the types of little lies she told.

Good question. I am very troubled that my first outing, after 11 years, went this way, which is why I am here posting!

When we first met up, on the first few dates she told me she had many male friends. I then asked if she saw any of them in a romantic fashion. She told me that she didn't want any of them in that way. Knowing that insecurity is a real turn off for women, I didn't press the issue and believed what she said.

It wasn't until near the end that I started to getting nasty comments from her, that I realised I wasn't her boyfriend. She told me as much. So in a way you are correct I did make an assumption I was her boyfriend, but as smacky pointed out I was the cuddle bitch. I even bought her a Christmas present because I was convinced.

On these forums it can be difficult to judge how a relationship went wrong because what you hear is only one persons side of the story. So yes, I guess I was guilty of making the assumption that just because I was seeing her regularly for three months I was her boyfriend........I was wrong in my naivety.

P.S. I had a friend look at this post on the forum, he suggested that she has been married, which is one of the reasons why she behaves in such a secretive fashion. A search on his smart phone revealed she had been married in 1998 and never told me. Thanks to him I feel like an even bigger idiot now!

[smackie9]

Well as I always say, go by their actions and not what they tell you. If they act scketchy it's for a reason and this can't be ignored.

More than once we hear "Oh they treat me so nice and give me affection, but why do they take so long to respond to my calls?" or "they haven't called me when we were supposed to make plans" etc.....you get the picture.

[smackie9]

Sadly these days, people find themselves having to do background checks just to make sure the person they are dating is legit.

[Mattiemae]

These days we're getting background checks for just about every area of our lives! lol At least after all the background checks we'll know we are in a safe world.

[MrKnobby]

Smackie, Mattiemae. What is this world, when to date, you have to research people?

What I don't understand is why people assume others are stupid and they can tell any lies they wish, under the assumption they will never get caught out?

I am not too bothered about dating someone who is dishonest. I give them a chance to change and see what they are doing is wrong. But it this case I don't think she could see anything appealing enough in me, to change her ways. Sad.

Maybe the reason why I am single is because I'm honest? Perhaps honest, isn't as exciting as dishonest?

Anyway, I'm not looking forward to putting my profile up on one of those dating sites. Some of the whoppers that people tell on there, shaving 10 year off their age, posting up pics from when they were younger etc etc. Wish me luck!

[smackie9]

If a person you meet is not someone you are introduced by friends is someone you need to consider a background check. Why? because we are no longer so isolated like 100 years ago. We have access to 6 million people now and it's a very busy society where we are exposed to more personalities good and bad.

Use the technology that is there....it keeps people honest.

As for a dating site, use a paid one. Only serious people are willing to pay money.