Sick of girlfriend never initiating

[paze]

I've been with my girlfriend for 9 months now. I'm 23 and she's 27.

Right from the start of our relationship, she almost never orgasms. In the beginning, she wanted to have sex more frequently and even when we decided not to be a couple at first, she still wanted to keep having sex, but she could never really orgasm but like 10% of the time.

So she explained that she probably needed to get adjusted to me and get to trust me etc. but now it's 9 months and getting pretty ****ing late. She now never initiates sex and the only reason we even have sex on a regular basis is because I almost demand it (couples should have sex, that's just a bottom line). She has stated that she doesn't really enjoy our regular me-****ing-her-until-I-come sex, understandably. But that's all she's willing to do (or unwilling).

I mean, if she took the shots, we would never have sex, ever. How is that for a relationship? Her last orgasm in the past 2 months was due to her masturbating when I wasn't at home. And that doesn't feel ****ing good to know.

She says I'm the best she's ever had (how horrible was the rest? She's had 30 partners) and she never orgasms as much as with me. She has never lied to me and she hates lying so I'm REALLY puzzled whether to believe this one or not.

I've tried everything. Kama sutra, fishing for her fantasies and performing them, taken it super gently, given her time, an hour of foreplay, you name it..NOTHING works.

The only time she's in the mood is when she's drunk. I am getting seriously sick of this.

Any women here who can shed some light on just what the hell is going on?

[LittleFox]

paze, this is something familiar to me.

The thing that she can come by herself, shows that she is not one of the women that does not ever come. That is good news.
However, here is the strange part. IF REALLY you are the best she has ever had, she would want sex. All the time. Or at least she would be the one who suggests or is easily aroused. I think that possibly she is telling you that, because she can imagine that you feel bad.
But normally if a woman likes sex, she wants it.
I don't know what I can suggest, if you really have tried everything.

If a woman enjoys the process, she does not need to come every time. Ans I think without the "happy ending", the process also needs to be a pleasure for both.
My conclusion: she doesn't enjoy sex with you. Maybe you do not go well sexually. She can get more pleasure by masturbating. Or maybe she compares you with her exes.

[basilandthyme]

You're 9 months in and the relationship clearly isn't meeting one of your main needs. As a result, you're appearing angry and aggressive. It's not going to get any better....so time to end it.

[searock]

I may be wrong, but I think you might have put her off sex by constantly asking her if she had had an orgasm. The reason you have sex is not to get an orgasm, it's to enjoy the ride. You put pressure on her by being upset that she didn't orgasm, it's no wonder she doesn't want to go through it again.

In case you didn't ask her, then you two are simply incompatible. Neither of you is doing anything wrong, you just don't "click" sexually. It happens.

Whatever the reason, basilandthyme is right. It's time to break up.

[KingZ]

I may be wrong, but I think you might have put her off sex by constantly asking her if she had had an orgasm. The reason you have sex is not to get an orgasm, it's to enjoy the ride. You put pressure on her by being upset that she didn't orgasm, it's no wonder she doesn't want to go through it again.

That's exactly what happened here.

[paze]

That's exactly what happened here.

No it's not. I gave her loads of time and encouraged her to just ease into it and enjoy herself. How can you say what happened, were you there?

[searock]

paze, the way you talk about it still confirms the theory. What do you mean, you "gave her a lot of time"? A lot of time for what? You shouldn't have given her any time, because there was no goal to reach. You speak of her orgasms like you're obsessed. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable in itself, not a competition on who gets to orgasm more often, or something.

I'm pretty sure you asked her every time after sex if she had had an orgasm. You also asked her if she had orgasms with previous partners, how often, and when was the last time she had an orgasm. All of this is pressuring to her. Just stop obsessing over her orgasms so much. Do you know there are women who never have orgasms? And that's ok. It doesn't mean they can't enjoy sex.

[paze]

paze, the way you talk about it still confirms the theory. What do you mean, you "gave her a lot of time"? A lot of time for what? You shouldn't have given her any time, because there was no goal to reach. You speak of her orgasms like you're obsessed. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable in itself, not a competition on who gets to orgasm more often, or something.

I'm pretty sure you asked her every time after sex if she had had an orgasm. You also asked her if she had orgasms with previous partners, how often, and when was the last time she had an orgasm. All of this is pressuring to her. Just stop obsessing over her orgasms so much. Do you know there are women who never have orgasms? And that's ok. It doesn't mean they can't enjoy sex.

You are talking about this like you know anything about how I treat my girlfriend sexually.

Anyways I broke up with her, I can't take this bullshit anymore. She's either a broken product or a liar.

[searock]

Is it false that you did those things? You never asked her if she had an orgasm, etc?

Anyway, you are a jerk. I'm glad you let her free of your disgusting presence in her life.

[KingZ]

No it's not. I gave her loads of time and encouraged her to just ease into it and enjoy herself. How can you say what happened, were you there?

Yep, I sure was. Those were the only times she came.

[paze]

Yep, I sure was. Those were the only times she came.

Well this is the last time I post on this forum. I didn't realize it was reserved for 12 year olds.

[Lord Darkshire]

Don't worry paze, you did the right thing by ending it. No matter how hard you tried, it just wasn't meant to be. I'm sure you will find that right person, and she will too.

[michelle23]

This could be down to a mental or emotional block on her part or maybe she doesn't feel "safe" with you so cannot relax properly in order to get into it.

Either way your not compatible. 9 months is enough time to waste and your anger and aggression will only get worse so its best to end it now.

You come across as selfish though. Have you even tried to make her orgasm in the last few months or did you just give up? It sounds like she is fed up too so call it a day

[searock]

michelle, I think the problem is that he actually tried too hard to make her reach orgasm - he made a big deal out of it. Instead of just letting her enjoy sex, he would try to get her to reach orgasm at any cost and if she didn't, he would get upset and pressure/nag her about it. He actually thinks there's something wrong with her because she didn't reach orgasm with him. LOL

[KingZ]

I like how he called her a "broken product", and then wondered how we could make all kinds of totally insane assumptions about how he behaved toward her.