My girlfriend does not want to have sex with me!?

[HeartIsAching]

Pfft. Why doesn't anyone ever call me sweetie?

'cause you're not an insecure 18 year old with teenager problems that make people want to pat you on the head, sweetie.

[Wakeup]

He told her what happened, sure, but the trauma remains. She just needs time. Just because she isn't a virgin doesn't mean she isn't inexperienced.

"The trauma?" okay.

[michelle23]

Still relationships and sex are complicated for plenty mature adults (like we see here daily) so gonna be even more complicated for two teenage virgins (or near virgins).

OP if you really like this girl give it some more time. A month is very early days. I always tell people if they tick every other box-give it up to six months to tick the sexual compatibility box. If its still not working then-its time to throw in the towel. It takes time to get used to each other and to figure out what you both like

[Wakeup]

"near virgins" lol

My thoughts on the above post: If you're going to test the waters for another six months then keep your emotions in check, frame yourself (not her) as the prize and take it one day at a time. There's no sense in you getting attached to someone who may be totally sexually incompatible to you. I would not recommend this if you had never had sex with her because she'd have made it clear that she wants to wait which is cool in my opion. It's the initiating and then suddenly withholding that I have issue with.

She thought you couldn't get hard for her... its not like you tried to rape her or something that is actual real trauma.

I'd really like to know (as well, op) how you managed to hide your ejaculate from her so she would even be able to think that you didn't cum. So much just isn't adding up TBH.

[searock]

She thought you couldn't get hard for her... its not like you tried to rape her or something that is actual real trauma.

Trauma: a deeply distressing or disturbing experience.
(from oxforddictionaries.com)

She was deeply distressed in that situation: however insignificant it can seem compared to other situations, it still proved traumatic for her. She is inexperienced and young - you keep talking about her as if she were a grown experienced woman, but she is still just a kid. It's perfectly normal, at her age, to react the way she did after what happened. She'll feel better soon, she just needs some time. Not to be treated like a 40 year old woman who is playing games.

[michelle23]

They havnt even had sex so hows he going to know if there incompatible or not without continuing.

Op tell this girl you have no problem waiting awhile if she feels she is not ready but you also feel a relationship without sex or sexual contact is just a friendship so you would like to slowly work towards a sexual relationship with no pressure or else there isn't really a point to you and her being together if shes going to withhold sex indefinately

[HDBadger]

The problem here is not that she doesn't want to have sexual contact with him. The problem is that she *had* sexual contact with him, and is now withholding it. She even told him as much.

Relationships don't go in reverse. The girl needs to figure out her own issues. And the OP needs to find a woman who he is compatible with. That person isn't this girl.

OP it's not your responsibility to wait around for this girl to work her issues out.

Edit to add: If you don't like where this relationship is going, just be honest with her. That's always the best policy. "This isn't going to work if we don't have an active sex life," is a perfectly acceptable statement.

[Wakeup]

Still waiting for the OP to respond about certain things that are vague, and/or contradictory, Sea.

I don't believe that thinking you couldn't keep your boyfriend hard is trauma. Nor do I think it is a reasonable conclusion to even suggest NEVER having "sex" with him again because she couldn't get him hard. Now, if she broke up with him becuase he lied to her, I'd understand her reason and would agree with her. (still want to know how he "hid" a load from her though) So right now I agree to disagree on that one point anyway.

Yes, time will tell whether she changes her mind on the NEVER having sex with him again however; If she was fondling him only when he ejaculated then she's over-reacting whether she's 17 or 40. At 17 and agreeing with her just to keep her, he's just trained a so called inexperienced young lady that she can barter with her own sexuality. Sorry, but that's the gist of it from where I'm sitting.

The problem here is not that she doesn't want to have sexual contact with him. The problem is that she *had* sexual contact with him, and is now withholding it. She even told him as much.

^^^ This.

[lovewhisperer]

it comes spontaneously. don't worry. show her you love her