Is it even worth caring anymore?

[shortie7153]

I honestly feel like giving up caring. It doesn't even seem like he cares about how I feel about this situation...

When we 1st got together, I was never nosey. I had no desire to snoop through his phone, facebook, or anything, but last June, when I was 7 months pregnant, he was acting weird. Overall he was just crappy towards me. I tried to not take it to heart because I know that I wasn't the nicest person either, being so far along in the middle of June, but I just got a bad feeling, so I started snooping around. I found that he was trying to flirt with a couple girls on FB, but they didn't flirt back so I kept my mouth shut, until one night he stayed up all night drinking. He was talking to this chick that he had known since high school. Told her how sexy she was and whatnot and she flirted back. They talked and flirted for like 4 hours. I was livid. Normally I would have left because I have no tolerance for this, but given the situation, I wanted to fix our relationship for our baby. After that, things were much better between us for a while.

I still had/have trust issues towards him, but things were getting better. My urge to snoop had gone down from wanting to every couple days to a couple times a month, and even then I would make myself not do it more often than not. I was almost to the point of trusting him completely again. Then, in November he started working at Wal-Mart and talking about the girls that work in the salon. I didn't mind at first, and I controlled my jealous thoughts, but it made me more nosey once again. Yes, I know this is an invasion of his privacy, and it is very insecure of me, but I don't want to be taken for a fool either. When I snoop, I don't read his messages between his guy friends, family, etc., I just look to see if he is talking to any girls.

Anyways, week before last, I found out that he had one of their numbers, and that he had been texting her while at work the whole night, two nights in a row. All of his texts, except the ones from me, had been deleted the night before I found out. I made a big deal about it because he did not tell me that he had her number and because he had deleted them. He insisted that she was a lesbian with half of her head shaved and that they only talked about tattoo stuff. I told him that I didn't care and I wasn't ok with him talking to her because he hid it from me. I felt shitty about it, but he deleted her number and told her at work the next day that I wasn't ok with him talking to her and that she wasn't worth the trouble. I told him there was no reason he couldn't be civil to her at work, but that I just didn't understand why he needed to talk to her away from there. A few days later her number was back in his phone. I didn't say anything.

The next week, he told me that he had another one of their numbers and had a "justifiable" reason for it. (I'm back to not trusting him at all again and wanting to snoop every day. I have controlled it some days, but it is not going well.) I also found that HE found this second chick on FB and added her, so of course I snooped around on there and she has pics of herself at parties in bikinis and whatnot.

This time I decided that maybe we would communicate better if I wrote it down, so I wrote him a 3 page note telling him that I do not understand why he needs to be friends with these females outside of work and that I do not trust it. He read it before he went to work for the night, and left mad. He text me when he got to work and told me that he was going to piss everyone off at work and tell them that he can't be friends with them; that I get mad at him when he has friends; and that he is going to find a new job so I, "don't have anything to worry about." I told him once again that there was no reason he didn't need to be civil to people while he was AT work and that we would talk about it when he got home instead of him pissing people off. He told me that he would just go ahead and delete their numbers. I found that fair. The next day I apologized for being crazy, and told him to talk to whoever he wants.

He says he took that as it being ok for him to put their #s back in his phone; however, he never told me about this. I honestly don't believe that he ever deleted them because he texted chick 2 the same night we were fighting about it and last night. She only sent 1 text back total, yesterday.

I am not ok with this chick. He says that he is not attracted to her, and that she has her hair chopped off (like Justin Bieber's) and likes black guys. (Sorry, he is just an ass and doesn't get the whole inter-racial relationship thing. I don't agree with it, please don't focus on this.)

I don't feel that he truly is not attracted to her, or vice versa. She offered to do his hair in dreads for only what the salon charges (about $30) when he first started there. That takes all day, and it is tedious. It normally costs $100s.

Also, why is he so mad about me not wanting him to talk to HER? He gets angry each time I have brought it up which only leads me to make assumptions that he likes her.

In addition, I don't even remember the last time he came to me for sex. It seems like I always have to go to him. He mentioned it last night, but I don't even remember how long it has been before then.

Any thoughts???

Thanks for reading my long post!

[michelle23]

I think you should end this now and let him go. This all started when you were pregnant. He is likely feeling trapped and that wont change. He will continue to lie and flirt with these girls and he likely is planning to cheat on you (if he hasn't already). Taking girls phone numbers is crossing a line. I had a few male friends at work but never gave them my number or chatted to them on FB etc-that is a warning sign. Plus the fact he has gone off sex with you is another red flag.

By dumping him, he will either grow up, get his s**t together, man up and be a better partner and father OR he will hop into bed with the first available piece of meat he can find. If he decides to man up and wants to prove to you he will change and can be trusted-tell him you will not consider taking him back unless he gets counselling and works on himself. And make it clear if he crosses another line it will be over for good.

Normally I would just say tell him to get lost now and don't look back but you do have a young baby and it may be worth one last shot if he can prove to you he really does want to grow up. If he wont or cannot do that then its best that you forget him. All this stress is not good for you or the baby.

[RambleOn]

Throw his sorry ass out and prepare a future for you and your child. Go to school get and education and depend upon yourself to feed and support you child.

[Wakeup]

You're obsessive, controlling, you don't respect or trust him. I say leave and have your baby alone until you can find some guy that only works with males. Lets hope none of them are gay or your shit will get in a not yet again.

I'm the first one to say its not a good thing when your S.O. is in contact with other women/men half the night that he's suppose to be spending with you but your attempts to isolate this guy is quite ridiculous IMO. He may be playing with fire by doing what he's doing with his female work friends but you're pouring gasoline on the kindling with your attempts at control while failing at it. You just put him on the defensive and make him dig in his heals instead of effectively communicating to him how his extra-curricular contact activities make you feel you just demand he stop. pffft.

Get some couples councelling or just get out.

So yes, do leave him and let him be. Let him have access to his child when it's born. Just because you can't control him to the point you want out of the relationship doesn't mean your child doesn't need a father.

Here's a link on how to communicate your wants and expectations without putting your partner on a fast train to being stubborn and not taking anything you may say into consideration.

http://www.only-effective-communication-skills.com/

Stop being a graduate of Battle Axe 101 and learn to talk to him so that you actually have a chance at getting what you want.

I hope you get couples councelling and read up on how to communicate without trying to control or boss. Your child deserves and should get a happy family invironment where his parental units aren't at logger heads through trying to control and trying not to be controlled at the same time.