If the guy that i'm seeing wants to see me on Valentine's Day, what would it mean....

[emmmz]

I am seeing a guy and so far he is giving me signals that he might want something more, for example I have been away for over 2 weeks and he texts me often telling me how much he misses me. He also told me that he thinks about me every night. The other day when he texted me he said "I wish I could be with you at this moment." Also sometimes he calls me babe or baby.

But at the same time I feel like he just wants me for s*x because as soon as I start talking to him about something that is bothering me, like for example last night he asked me what I was doing I said "watching TV alone like always." and he said "awww how come you don't text me more often then?" I said "I don't really know :o but seriously I lost all of my friends because of things they do that i'm not into and my birthday is coming up soon and I will most likely be spending it alone watching TV...but whatever honestly I don't even care anymore" and he never answered and still hasn't texted me since then. It makes me feel like he doesn't really care or doesn't want to get too close...

Valentine's Day is coming up soon and I'm almost sure he won't text me but if by chance he does, would that mean that he's serious about me and possibly wants more than just s*x?

[basilandthyme]

last night he asked me what I was doing I said "watching TV alone like always." and he said "awww how come you don't text me more often then?" I said "I don't really know :o but seriously I lost all of my friends because of things they do that i'm not into and my birthday is coming up soon and I will most likely be spending it alone watching TV...but whatever honestly I don't even care anymore" and he never answered and still hasn't texted me since then. It makes me feel like he doesn't really care or doesn't want to get too close...?

Emmmz, that was one heck of a pity party you were having there....and you put it on him! I'm not surprised he didn't call you back. Nobody wants to go to a pity party.

You need to give yourself a huge kick up the rear end. Even if you are having a lonely night, don't sound all pathetic about it. You could have just said "I'm just having a quiet night in". When he asked how come you don't text him more often, you could have answered with something flirty instead of going into that awful rant.

Anyway, if he asks you out for Valentines it's a good sign. But you have to get your sh1t together before you can have a good relationship.

[snowman90]

about the Valentines day.. sure, if he asks you out or to hang out together that day this surely means something. And he will probably make some move on you that day then

[emmmz]

Emmmz, that was one heck of a pity party you were having there....and you put it on him! I'm not surprised he didn't call you back. Nobody wants to go to a pity party.

You need to give yourself a huge kick up the rear end. Even if you are having a lonely night, don't sound all pathetic about it. You could have just said "I'm just having a quiet night in". When he asked how come you don't text him more often, you could have answered with something flirty instead of going into that awful rant.

Anyway, if he asks you out for Valentines it's a good sign. But you have to get your sh1t together before you can have a good relationship.

I agree with you, thanks for the reply!

[emmmz]

about the Valentines day.. sure, if he asks you out or to hang out together that day this surely means something. And he will probably make some move on you that day then

Yes...I hope he does. If he doesn't than I guess I don't mean too much to him. Thanks for the reply !

[BackUpOrGetStng]

He tried to lighten things up by saying to text him when you're feeling lonely. You then proceeded to pile on with negativity. What the hell was he supposed to say? You sound like someone who whines and complains a lot, and that is very draining. What about this situation would make someone want to get closer to you?

Go do something productive, instead of sitting around watching TV. Anything.

[Mikemike21]

Texting him what is bothering you wouldnt upset him at all if he really likes you. Even if he messages you on Valantines I don't think it would mean much if hes not showing much care..

[emmmz]

Texting him what is bothering you wouldnt upset him at all if he really likes you. Even if he messages you on Valantines I don't think it would mean much if hes not showing much care..

I agree with you also. I'm just confused about what he wants...Should I just not talk to him for awhile and see if he comes after me?

[Mikemike21]

I agree with you also. I'm just confused about what he wants...Should I just not talk to him for awhile and see if he comes after me?

I don't know I just don't see how it could bother him at all if he really liked you like that. If you want a more serious guy, then just stay away I guess.

[r321148]

How long have you been dating? I'm guessing from your post that it's pretty early days! Does he share problems with you and what is your reaction to them?

So you're going to ignore him until he proves to you how much he cares? ... good luck with that! Relationships need work on both sides!

I disagree with the previous poster. I don't think that shows he doesn't care...I think saying he missed you whilst you were away shows that he does care.
Yes he might care about you and not want you to be lonely but that text would p**s me off too! He tried to help and said to text him when you are lonely and you just went even more negative. It sounds a lot like you were testing him to see just how much he cares and very few people will be OK with that. I'm not saying you were but that's how your second message reads; after he showed some care in his first reply you went fishing for some more. If this was early days of dating I'd end things with you straight off after that text no matter how much I liked you. I like to be there for my partners, give them sympathy and care but there is only so much anyone can do before it just becomes too draining and a text like that at an early stage would be a big red flag.... dating is supposed to be fun and make you both happy!! Co-dependency isn't a good thing!
I think it sounds like you need to make some new friends. You can't just rely on him all the time, so go get a hobby, join a club, take a class or whatever and make some friends who DO share your interests. Part of a healthy relationship is maintaining your own identity, you need to have a life outside of him (and he away from you) or you just end up smothering each other.
I think you need to sort yourself out before you go any further with this guy, regardless of what happens on valentines day!

[Wakeup]

I agree with you also. I'm just confused about what he wants...Should I just not talk to him for awhile and see if he comes after me?

Why dont you invite him out to do something fun? If he says no, then tell him to fk off.

Btw. Liking someone doesnt mean they wont distance themselves when youre being so blatantly passive agrrssive like you were being by hoping hed come to your rescue.

Next time ask him to come over instead of trying to guilt him into it and failing.

[emmmz]

How long have you been dating? I'm guessing from your post that it's pretty early days! Does he share problems with you and what is your reaction to them?

So you're going to ignore him until he proves to you how much he cares? ... good luck with that! Relationships need work on both sides!

I disagree with the previous poster. I don't think that shows he doesn't care...I think saying he missed you whilst you were away shows that he does care.
Yes he might care about you and not want you to be lonely but that text would p**s me off too! He tried to help and said to text him when you are lonely and you just went even more negative. It sounds a lot like you were testing him to see just how much he cares and very few people will be OK with that. I'm not saying you were but that's how your second message reads; after he showed some care in his first reply you went fishing for some more. If this was early days of dating I'd end things with you straight off after that text no matter how much I liked you. I like to be there for my partners, give them sympathy and care but there is only so much anyone can do before it just becomes too draining and a text like that at an early stage would be a big red flag.... dating is supposed to be fun and make you both happy!! Co-dependency isn't a good thing!
I think it sounds like you need to make some new friends. You can't just rely on him all the time, so go get a hobby, join a club, take a class or whatever and make some friends who DO share your interests. Part of a healthy relationship is maintaining your own identity, you need to have a life outside of him (and he away from you) or you just end up smothering each other.
I think you need to sort yourself out before you go any further with this guy, regardless of what happens on valentines day!

We're not even dating...that's the thing. We're just friends with benefits I guess you could say. I agree with everything you said, I definitely need to change my attitude but I just find it hard to be happy and fun and affectionate towards him when I feel like he is not looking for anything serious. A big part of the problem is myself because I can't really trust anyone and it just makes everything harder. Maybe I just need to tell him straight up that I'm having trouble trusting that he's not going to play me and see what he says

[emmmz]

Why dont you invite him out to do something fun? If he says no, then tell him to fk off.

Btw. Liking someone doesnt mean they wont distance themselves when youre being so blatantly passive agrrssive like you were being by hoping hed come to your rescue.

Next time ask him to come over instead of trying to guilt him into it and failing.

I can't ask him to come over. I'm away

[Wakeup]

Well then stop your whining to him while you're away and when you get back ask him to join you at something fun to do ~ Not something at your place. If he doesn't seem happy to go out with you and wants to steer the meet to your place or his (where sex is easier accomplished) then yes he just wants you for sex.

No sense being all whiny and unfun; just steer this to where you want it to go and if he won't be led then just stop talking to him altogether and get yourself out there and stop being lonely and without friends. Join groups, the gym, a co-ed sports team places and things that will introduce you to both males and females so that you're a more rounded/happy individual. Then you'll find someone who finds you interesting to be around.

[r321148]

I just find it hard to be happy and fun and affectionate towards him when I feel like he is not looking for anything serious.

Well you're in a catch 22 then really. By acting the way you are, you're going to put him off even if he does currently have interest. You are trying to gauge how serious he is through how you're being with him and in the process putting him off and making him less serious.... But you don't want to act happy and fun in case he isn't serious, when actually acting happy and fun is likely to make him more attracted to you and hence more serious....

What I'd suggest in your case is try asking him directly where he sees it going? Yes it might scare him away but if you are unhappy with how things are anyway... then so what? If your not OK with being "friends with benefits" then tell him that. Ask him straight up where he see's it going rather than just hinting at it and trying to test out how much he cares.... that's a very long winded game and all it's likely to do is put him off (if he does have interest) and make you unhappy in the meantime.

That being said I'm not sure you should be considering a relationship at the moment anyway...you sound like you need to get your own house in order first or whatever relationship you do end up having won't last very long. From my experience, the first step to a happy relationship is to be happy with yourself.

Good luck with it.