Waiting for someone.. in a difficult situation

[loverman1]

We were amazing friends, although I always thought she was beautiful and she always looked at me as amazing, perfect and beautiful, (its fair to say that we always liked each other). We had the kind of friendship were we would sit together every day at work, sometimes we would flirt a little, this period has lasted for 14 months or so.

She always had a partner, but she seemed often unsure about there relationship because of his unwillingness to commit to her 2 children she had from a previous relationship when she was young. He's also difficult to be with sometimes, he tells her what to do, and she doesn't truly love him. Anyway one day last summer she asked me if "I love anyone?" because she said "that nobody loved her". I didn't know I had feeling for her until a week later, when I opened my heart to her and offered myself. She accepted me, she didn't leave her partner because she needed to test me extra, there's allot to consider when there's children involved, it was amazing at the beginning and she described me as a "dream come true" she was very excited to have me and emotional when I told her how I loved her.

The next three months we had a holiday together and had many days just hanging out, there were a few bad signs however, like when she said that its a problem that she doesn't love me yet, but she also said that she cared about me very much, like it was almost love. I regret that we moved too fast together in the relationship, but she did decided one day to tell her partner about me, and try to leave him so we could be together, it was a difficult choice because her kids know him very well and started to accept him, and she had been with him for 3 years so its not just that easy to start again. She described me as a massive risk, and that I could really hurt her, but one day she decided to tell him.

So one night she told him about me, but we never really made a real plan for this to happened. She got half way in telling him and couldn't do it. So the guy finds out about him and I have to go and meet with him, I had to lie and tell him we were just friends, It was very upsetting for everyone. But after that night the guy decided to change, he realized he could loose her and changed everything, he proved to her how much he loves her and shortly after she told me sorry for everything. I'm not mad at her, it's not her fault, and she's amazing and lovely in every way, I understand she should of left him before we started our relationship but its sometimes not that easy.

This was 5 months ago, and at work I've been trying so hard to be friends like before, so I still go sit with her. I realize that break times at work is all we have left but its also the place the relationship started from. But she's very defensive and sometimes just tries her best to ignore me, we did however keep out promise of giving each other presents at Christmas, I got her a Tablet, she got me a phone. My plan was just to be there for her, and always sit with her and just support her and maybe one day she will come back again, if not I was hoping to keep our friendship. But I have failed at this, I have tried too hard and gone to break-time with her too many times, like I almost follow her in a way. I have chased her, and friends are not meant to do this. The xmas presents extra where just too much. Her partner also still asks about me so I should of known what would happen. Recently she's told me to keep away for her and to sit with other people, she told me that "You don't feel the same any-more anyway", I didn't have the chance respond to this comment, maybe I should of told that I do. Should I tell her I love her or not?

To be honest, I haven't told her but I cry for her daily, its pathetic I know but it's only because I love her so much. Sometimes I feel like if I could sit and chat with her once a day, then my life would be happy again. To hear her voice is enough...

I gave her a little note last week that said .. I will sit with you just twice a week maximum, and to be gentle with me. I holding on to this hope that I can do this without her telling me to go again

I know we are suited and compatible, this I am sure of. But I'm afraid I have pushed her away to the point of no return. I will do anything possible to save our friendship, I understand we can't be together for the moment, but if we could be friends then I know there would be a chance in the future. I have told my mum and dad that "I'll will wait for her until she marries him"

Letting her go which I can't do, it's not a option, So what should I do ? Sit with her twice a week is my current plan, and just to be there. But Is it too late.. Any advice on how to be more gentle in this friendship/relationship would be a massive help.

I thought I could just sit with her once a week for this February month, while there's another person at the table, does that sounds reasonable for the moment ?

Please don't judge her or myself, I do respect her choice she's made, but I just don't totally agree. And for the moment I can't let go, but I can give the space she deserves.

[4 ratties]

Your only hurting yourself by stalking and letting yourself get closer to her. Please don't waste your life. I don't see her budging anytime soon.

[KineticSpinergy]

Don't stalk her.

I think you two need a break from each other. Don't sit with her for a few weeks, and don't tell her that you're not going to sit with her. Just do it out of the blue.
Hopefully, she will miss you. But she definitely needs her space, and so do you. Take up some new hobbies, focus on yourself. Try to improve your own life and live as a refreshed person. Maybe she will see this in you (only AFTER you have already done it - the point is to put your focus and thoughts on yourself, rather than her), and decide to give you another chance. However, the best thing you can do for yourself is to focus on yourself. Realize that there are "plenty of fish in the sea" and that she is only one girl. Who knows, maybe while focusing on yourself you'll come across someone new, and even better!