How do you leave someone without hurting their feelings?

[12084182]

Both 24. It's almost a year. Everything started out well, although probably rushed. We saw each other every single day since we've met.
When my lease was ending, he made me feel bad for not wanting to move in with him, I didn't say I didn't want to just that I had plans with my roommate but then she made other plans so I did.
We live together, we share expenses together now.

When I met him he was making decent money through personal means, and he insisted on us going out all the time and doing stuff, now that he doesn't earn as much, we stay at home. I have NO problem with this, I'm fine just hanging at home, that's what I do anyway with my friends we just do stuff that we have in common since we're all usually broke, but in doing this I've found that me and my boyfriend don't have all that much in common. It doesn't seem to bother him but I think it's starting to bother me. I knew it at first obviously, but I didn't think it mattered as I'm not one to make little things a deal-breaker. But lately I've found that I wish I was with someone that enjoyed the same things I do.

Even things that we do have in common, it's not to the same degree. Like he's studying game art, yet we never play video games together, despite that being the reason we met.

He's bothered by the fact that he wont be getting decent money and that we are 'broke' in his eyes. I don't think we are broke at all. He owns the house he lives in, he pays less than most people do for rent for the whole house per month. He has a brand new car that he pays almost the same as for the house, not very much. There's endless things that he owns, but he wont settle for less, it's beneath him. I don't mind just not having much if I'm getting by and happy. He doesn't seem to get that.

Another thing, he does endless things for me, like things he wouldn't normally do as he might not like them because he knows I will. This bothers me, I tell him not to because I can't do the same. I mean, sure, I do things for him, but like our personalities are different. He's always dressing up, and insists I should always look nice as we never know where we might end up going or who we might run into, and I'm comfortable in just sweatpants sometimes, he's not into it. I have always dyed my hair, but have stopped since I've met him. I've been a fan of piercings and stuff, but don't have any because he's not into it. I also like tattoos but didn't get any as I was waiting for the right time but now I feel like I never will as it's not his thing, and I'm fine with it, but I feel like I'm better off with someone that's just okay with me as I am and have something in common with.

I don't know what to do, I care about him deeply, but I feel like we're in different worlds, and he doesn't realize there's anything wrong.

Also, probably a big factor to why I didn't do it already, when we first met he let me in on something, he only dated one person before me, that was in high school and after 5 years she died in an accident and that depressed him to the point of obesity and he had to have surgery for it. He's never loved anyone since but me. I feel like if I leave, it's gonna be really hard on him. He was depressed before he met me.

[smackie9]

How he deals with it is not your problem. His health problems, and tough past is none of your concern or your obligation to help him with, this about you and what you think is best for you. You just have to state that you are not happy and wish to no longer be in a relationship with him because of an incompatibility issue.

If he can't handle it he can turn to his family for support.

[basilandthyme]

While you have the choice to end it (and there's no reason that you should feel obligated to stay), I'm wondering if you've talked to him about being unhappy.

Anyway, I can think of a change which could go a long way to fixing the problem or provoking him to end it. If he ends it, you won't have to do it. win/win

Go back to being yourself in sweatpants, died hair and piercings. Get a tattoo if you want one. It's your body and you can style and dress yourself any way you please. Never, ever let someone else dictate your appearance! Tell him that the way he wants you to be isn't what you want and that you just want to be yourself. If he complains, tell him that he can either accept you for who you are or he can leave.

As for doing stuff together, have you talked to him about it? Have you asked him to do gaming with you?

[smackie9]

No sense in being who you want to be and then make him unhappy in the relationship. It makes more sense to realize you are not compatible, and to find someone who happily accepts for who you are and how you want to look.

[basilandthyme]

No sense in being who you want to be and then make him unhappy in the relationship. It makes more sense to realize you are not compatible, and to find someone who happily accepts who you are.

I agree with you Smackie. And personally, I'd leave him and not worry about what happened to him afterwards.

But as the OP isn't as ruthless as me, so I was thinking of ways to rock the boat to make her departure a more mutual arrangement.

[smackie9]

Awwwww that would be more painful IMO.