Mother/Girlfriend Issues

[CrasherRob8]

Yes, it's one of these posts again. Figured I'd post my situation to get other people's perspectives on this.

I met my girlfriend 5.5 years ago, I've been living with her and her parents for the past 3 years. About 6 years ago my parents up and moved to Florida unexpectedly due to my mother's alcohol and prescription pill problems (she was a nurse, got caught stealing from hospital pharmacy at two different hospitals. They left basically to avoid the investigation and avoid any punishment). I had been living with them up until the point they moved to Florida, so when they moved I had to quickly adjust.

At the time, I was overweight (around 200 lbs on a 5'6" frame), in debt, horrible impulse control and overall I think I didn't have a healthy lifestyle. I met my girlfriend 6 months after my parents left. Over time, she has helped me change. I'm now much healthier (150 lbs), no longer in debt and in fact both me and my girlfriend are investing in real estate now since we saved up so much. I no longer have impulse issues, am very frugal with money, eat healthier, etc.

Things have blown up between my parents and me/my girlfriend. It all started in the beginning of December. Prior to this, my mom and my girlfriend had a good relationship. They would text back and forth and seemed to be getting along. In the beginning of December, my mom found out that I had "contact" with a cousin of mine. Real short background on the cousin, him and my brother and his wife had a falling out over my cousin moving to Australia and giving them the dog because he didn't want to take it with him but then he changed his mind. Specifics aren't important, but basically they had a huge argument. My mom threw herself into the middle of it. This has caused my brother and his wife and my parents to completely disown them. My cousin's parents, whom they had been very close with, have been disowned too. If you want to know the details of this whole fiasco I can tell you but it's a long story.

Ok so back to my situation. So my mom blew up at me over the "contact" I have had which has just been 2 facebook messages over my birthday and thanksgiving, but it got to the point where she basically said that I have no loyalty to the family that raised me, that I am disloyal and have betrayed her.

The next day she tried texting me and calling me. I ignored her calls cause I knew it would be the same thing over and over again. When I didn't answer she then called my girlfriend and when my girlfriend didn't answer, my mom left a voicemail cursing her out. Needless to say that did not go over well.

A few weeks ago my mom kept bugging me about meeting up for lunch and I went, although looking back it was a bad thing. What should have been a short lunch turned into a 2 hour tirade about how I have changed, how I am not how they raised me, how everyone in my family cannot understand me. My mom is blaming it on my girlfriend and even though she danced all around the topic, it's pretty clear she does not like my girlfriend at all. She said I act differently when I am around her than when I am not, and that when I am not around her my parents see glimpses of my old self.

I basically sat there and didn't say much, I just took her tirade. I was kind of shocked actually. About a week ago my mom texts me acting as if nothing had happened, and I acted as if nothing had happened which I shouldn't have since I never told her how I felt. My girlfriend was pretty upset, and rightfully so, because for the longest time I had not stood my ground or even voiced what I had felt, I had just let my mom steamroll me and my girlfriend. This led to an argument between me and my girlfriend. I then decided to actually grow a pair and told me mom how I felt and told my dad. This led to an argument between us and it ended with them refusing to apologize to my girlfriend for cursing at her because according to them, she deserved it.

There are other small issues that I forgot to mention, such as my parents not liking the fact that I don't see them that much since they moved back (ya, forgot to mention they moved back in 2012) and issues with Christmas gifts (they spend quite a bit of money on gifts and me and my girlfriend don't spend nearly as much in return).


Any thoughts or comments?

[Boisdevie]

It's your life to live in the way that works for you. If your parents don't like it then tough shit.

[Wakeup]

how I am not how they raised me,

Thank god. After all who needs another pill addicted fleeing felon from the law in the family?

Adding: Just keep doing what you're doing. Keep your contact with her short and polite whenever she initiates.

[HeartIsAching]

Read this and get back to us with your thoughts:

http://shrink4men.wordpress.com/2009/01/30/10-signs-your-girlfriend-or-wife-is-an-emotional-bully/


And no, I don't mean apply it to your GF, but rather your mother.

[smackie9]

Obviously the pill addicted /alcoholc mother is still a pill addicted/ alcoholic mother. Typical when they blame everyone around them for their misfortuntes and cry woe is me you treat me bad bull shit (been there with my own mother). You owe her NOTHING. You have ever right to toss her out of your life without a speck of guilt. She brought this upon herself. As for your dad he is the enabler of your mothers bad behavior. You are best to tell them to stop contacting you and your GF, that you have a different family now.

[Mattiemae]

Let me tell you it's all dysfunctional. While we love our mom's and they brought us into the world, fortunately some of them matured emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. It's always someone else's fault, their perfect and do no wrong, and usually try to place a guilt trip on you for not being obedient and going along with their belief system. They forget at some point we have to grow up and take responsibility of our own lives and don't know how to let go.

Really you've made mistakes growing up who hasn't? She's still not grown up and she's older than you? In some ways you are probably more mature than her. Now think of that, there is nothing wrong with setting your boundaries. She won't like it, and get pissed. And that's to bad. She's had her life to live. She's chosen her own partners, made her own negative or positive experience and relationships with relatives and friends. If she has a problem with someone, that is her issue. Not yours. Don't make it your issue. If she's not comfortable with it, she'll get used too it. She doesn't have a choice.

Fortunately you just have to say thank you for your advice, and let it go in ear and out the other. She will notice you're not aking her advice, but again whose life is it anyway. People like to interfere, cause drama, and be a road block in your success. The only way to get through is to ignore the naysaying, the judgments, and move forward with full spead ahead. An d may Yoda and the force be with you. lol