The 20-second hug?

[Can_I_be_wiser?]

Anybody heard of the 20-second hug ... or perhaps more like three to four deep breaths?

Someone told me that's how long it takes to make the hug feel worthwhile ... like the person truly cares ... to feel 'loved' and somehow it kicks in the feel good hormones.

Being a guy, I've tried it ... but only with a few gals ... can't seem to see myself doing this with any guys ... and each of the gals have really liked it. When I mentioned it, they wanted to have one. Hmmm.

Gals, what do you think? Seems like that's about the limit before other feelings kick in ... perhaps especially for the more hormone-driven guys.

Yes? No?

[lovewhisperer]

A hug is like an emotional heimlich. It can turn a bad feeling to a good one. I will try this

[TheEvilJester]

I don't know. There is nothing wrong with a quick friendly hug either. I have to admit to being a bit of a typical guy when it comes to this. LOL! (Hell, I'm not like typical guys in a lot of ways, so I think I deserve one or two here and there.) In that, I mean it is pretty rare that I ever hug a guy.

I'm also too shy to initiate a hug with any woman who does not already make it a point to hug me. But, I do have some female friends who hug me from time to time, and they don't feel any less worthwhile to me. I mean, unless by "worthwhile" you mean like in a more than friends kind of way. In my case, these are just friends. But, it doesn't make the hug feel any less worthwhile to me, or like they care any less.

Quite frankly, for some reason people are usually afraid of me. So, when somebody sees through that enough that they like me, that already gives them a special place in my heart. When they see through it so much that they actually feel free to hug me, that means the world to me.

[Can_I_be_wiser?]

By 'worthwhile' perhaps I mean something to remember. Seems the standard 2-second hug doesn't get long remembered or trigger the good / loved feeling.

I agree ... nothing necessarily wrong with the 'quick' friendly hug. That's pretty much the standard. But, I have to say, the one where two people barely touch (if at all) and simply pat each other on the back ... well, that doesn't seem to contribute to the good feeling experience, at least not for me; it seems perfunctory ... superficial.

Looking at the 20-second hug yet another way ... I can see it making sense for parents with children, too ... or good trustworthy friends (guys or gals) ... where a 5-second hug seems more common.

So, it seems to takes some amount of trust in the relationship. We're not going to do it with someone we just met a few minutes ago, for example. But, if the conversation during the initial meeting leads to a deeper emotional connection ... e.g., from sharing emotional personal stories ... then I can see it being appropriate, particularly between a heterosexual man and woman, not hetero men.

Seems to be a matter of an emotional connection and having established some bonding to set the stage. This means we should look for those ... or 'sense' if they exist ... before initiating any hug, let alone a longer one.

Anytime before that seems odd or premature (?) and can possibly cause fear in the person instead.

[TheEvilJester]

Yeah, I definitely think you make a good point. A long hug is probably not something that should be shared between two people who don't yet know each other very well. If for no other reason than the fact that they don't know each other well enough to know if they are okay with being hugged.

Me personally, I'm not all that big on being hugged by just about anybody. Only certain people are people I would be okay with hugging me. But, when it is somebody I don't mind, a hug can mean the world, even just a quick friendly hug.

In particular, I've had female friends hug me kind of out of nowhere. In other words, I wasn't expecting it and they just felt the need to give me a hug. The fact that they think enough of me to want to hug me means a great deal to me.

I suppose the same would go for any male friends I have... except, you know... I'd rather they didn't hug me. LOL! Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it is just not for me.

[smackie9]

A good hug, doesn't have to be 20 seconds long, can express many things. Even transferring energy like consoling someone with a hug you transfer positive energy to them and you take their negative energy. A stronger squeeze or rubbing the back or swaying can make a hug deliver a different message.

Me personally I would prefer 5 minutes of passion any day lol.

[Mattiemae]

Yay, just don't keep the negative energy! lol It don't belong to you! lol

[Can_I_be_wiser?]

I agree about the 'negative' energy ... you don't want to absorb it or keep it. Leave that for the Green Mile type of people to deal with.

[michelle23]

8 hugs a day really boosts your oxytocin levels in both men and women those are the feel good loving hormones that makes us moral, honest, kind etc so the world would be a better place if we had more of that hormone flying around..