Is my boyfriend planning to cheat?

[Overthinker1979]

I should preface this by saying that due to a previous relationship I have a big issue with secrets in relationships and am probably overly sensitive and paranoid about being lied to so am looking for some sane and impartial feedback!

I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months and we moved in together 3 months ago. I am completely in love with him and he has been incredibly loving and affectionate with me since the beginning. He has told me that I'm the one, we've talked about marriage and kids etc and things have been fantastic. My only nagging doubt has been that he has always kept his phone quite close to his chest. He doesn't have a Facebook account and has an old fashioned phone as he doesn't believe in "all that." So until recently he had this flip phone thing that had a pass code lock in it and it really went everywhere with him.

Over Christmas the opportunity to snoop came up and I'm sorry to say the temptation was too much to bear. I was desperate to know what it was he was so secretive about. Anyway, I found some text messages between him and some other females. Nothing to suggest there was anything going on but the messages were clear he hadn't told them about me. I confronted him on it and he said they were friends who had been there for him when he really needed it (long story but a reasonable one.) he said he was just wishing them happy Xmas etc. I asked if he had been intimate with either of them in the past and he said one of them and that one he hadn't spoken to in over a year. The other one he said was in a happy relationship.

Anyway, we had a fight over it as I didn't understand if they were just friends why he hadn't mentioned them to me before. I know all his other (male) friends and have spoken to them on the phone. He said it was no big deal and that it wasn't worth raising with me. Then in another breath said he didn't tell me about it as he thought I would react badly. I reiterated to him that I have no issue with friends of the opposite sex or being in touch with exes but that I think it's important to be open about these things. He agreed and we moved on. I also noticed after this he seemed more relaxed leaving his phone around (although he had changed the passcode) so was feeling a little better.

This week he broke his flip phone and is now using another old style phone but its not a flip phone. I had noticed that his phone was attached to him more than ever. So again the opportunity to snoop came up and again I took it. I found several messages to this other girl who he claimed was in a relationship. I think she had tried calling him and he didn't answer so they exchanged some texts where she complained about how hard it was being a single mum and then he said he'd call her that afternoon (while he was at work) and looking at the phone records that's what happened. It looked relatively harmless but I confronted him (not telling him I'd checked his phone) and said that I noticed he'd become quite protective of his phone again and that I'd seen him delete a load of text messages whilst facing opposite me and wondered what it was that he was so concerned about me seeing. I had said to him previously and recently that the truth will never hurt us and that he should feel comfortable telling me anything and I promise I will never get angry. He point blank lied to me and said he'd deleted junk texts etc and that he wasn't hiding anything from me. Later I asked him if he'd been in contact with either of these two female friends and he wouldn't answer me, just avoided the question. Again I have no issue with female friends at all I just don't understand that if they're just friends why be so secretive? Later that night I checked his phone and he had deleted all of his text messages.

Since that conversation he had been even more secretive with his phone, taking it in to the shower with him etc and Leaning it away from me and others when he checks his phone. It's driving me bonkers but i don't want to confront him again as I don't want to push him away.
Our relationship is usually fantastic and I've never had cause to doubt him outside of this but I just can't help feel there is more to these friendships now than he led me to believe. More so its about knowing he is hiding something from me. Things between us are still ok, he still spoons me at night and we still have sex but I can't help but feel he has pulled away from me a little.

Also this week (could be coincidence) he went out to cost a job at a local university (in an office) and instead of going in his usual tradie gear he went freshly showered in his nicest casual clothes, groomed to the max. And when he went back there to follow the quote up he did the same thing. It was like he wanted to impress the ladies in the office or something all of a sudden. (He doesn't normally work on areas where there are women.)
Why is he being so secretive if there is nothing going on?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

First off, you are a crazy bitch.

Second, you don't trust him and you might have good reason, so break up if you can't get over it(you can't). It is also very likely that he knows you're a crazy bitch, and you're lying when you say you don't care if he has female friends, so he doesn't mention them. Trust him, or stop bitching. If I were him, I would definitely be looking for a new girl with the way you act...he might be untrustworthy, but you are untrustworthy for certain. Moving in with you, was quite the stupid move on his part.

[Starnique]

How is she the problem? I don't think she's a crazy bitch. He's making her that way, as most men do. Taking your phone everywhere you go is a huge red flag imo. Anyway, he doesn't seem trustworthy. If its not big deal, then why is he trying to hide it? You don't trust him anyway so break up because this relationship is not going to last with the way he is walking around carrying his phone like it's a piece of his body and you going to snoop town every chance you get.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

No one can MAKE you crazy. I realize it's easy to push your own personal responsibility off on others, but the truth is people drive themselves crazy by staying in situations like this. If she didn't accept this, she wouldn't be crazy..it's her own fault.

What has the guy actually done? She looked through his messages and didn't find anything. Then looked again..and didn't find anything.

[Starnique]

No one can MAKE you crazy. I realize it's easy to push your own personal responsibility off on others, but the truth is people drive themselves crazy by staying in situations like this.

If you say so.

What has the guy actually done? She looked through his messages and didn't find anything. Then looked again..and didn't find anything

Why is he trying to hide it then? Why not answer the calls in front of his gf? Why be so sneaky about it?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I do say so. Women love blaming men for "making them crazy", when the man didn't do anything to them. They just think they own the person for whatever reason, and are typically control freaks and attention whores.

I agree, it's shady. But if things are shady, you leave. What's the point of playing Sherlock Holmes if you ain't gonna do shit about it anyway, if you find something? You take your dignity and find someone who doesn't do those things. That's what non-crazy people do.

[Overthinker1979]

Well thanks for the constructive feedback?! Glad I took the time to write. Until this one issue which cropped up at Christmas the relationship was amazing. I'm just asking for feedback as to whether this behavior is something to worry about? His general behavior in the relationship doesn't match with someone that is cheating but the phone secrecy thing to me raises questions. I was after some male opinions as to why else he would be so protective of his phone. Looking at the responses from the "men" on this site, I think I've actually got a good one. Nice that you guys would just ditch a relationship so easily when everything else in it is good. Says a lot!

[Starnique]

I see it from both parts actually. If she is okay with him having friends then why do all that snooping? I see it from her part too because when guys do sneaky shit like that, it only makes the woman want to see what he is hiding, therefore he bought her behavior upon himself.

I understand about taking your dignity and walking away. Still, don't **** a chic over and you wont see crazy. End of story.

[Starnique]

Well thanks for the constructive feedback?! Glad I took the time to write. Until this one issue which cropped up at Christmas the relationship was amazing. I'm just asking for feedback as to whether this behavior is something to worry about? His general behavior in the relationship doesn't match with someone that is cheating but the phone secrecy thing to me raises questions. I was after some male opinions as to why else he would be so protective of his phone. Looking at the responses from the "men" on this site, I think I've actually got a good one. Nice that you guys would just ditch a relationship so easily when everything else in it is good. Says a lot!

I personally didn't say I would ditch a relationship that easy because as a female, I know realistically that's not the case. Have you told him you don't like it and feel like he is hiding something? If so, and he still continues to do it, then leave. You staying in the discomfort with him unwilling or not caring to change to make you happy, says a lot about you also.

[KingZ]

Taking your phone everywhere you go is a huge red flag imo.

I ​​​​lol'd.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I see it from both parts actually. If she is okay with him having friends then why do all that snooping? I see it from her part too because when guys do sneaky shit like that, it only makes the woman want to see what he is hiding, therefore he bought her behavior upon himself.

I understand about taking your dignity and walking away. Still, don't **** a chic over and you wont see crazy. End of story.

Crazy chicks always feel like they have a reason to feel ****ed over. Like I said, they think they own people, so when that person does something they don't agree with, they act a ****ing fool. It basically comes down to them not getting their way.

[Starnique]

I ​​​​lol'd.

You know what I meant.

[Overthinker1979]

My comment wasn't directed at you, more the "black and white" males. I appreciate your thoughts and feedback. Thanks.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

My comment wasn't directed at you, more the "black and white" males. I appreciate your thoughts and feedback. Thanks.

You've snooped through his phone, and will continue to do so. You don't trust him. You should not be in a relationship where you do not trust the other person. Does that make sense to you?

Continue, and be sure to come back when he rips your heart out. I've got a nice warm, "I told you so", waiting.

[Starnique]

Since that conversation he had been even more secretive with his phone, taking it in to the shower with him etc and Leaning it away from me and others when he checks his phone. It's driving me bonkers but i don't want to confront him again as I don't want to push him away.

I've dealt with a cheater and he took his phone with him everywhere just like this.