How to move on?

[Falleninlove]

Hi,

I am in a serious emotional crisis. I know this girl for maybe 8 months and I asked her out within 3 weeks of meeting. She refused. 8 months from then, we are very close friends and I still like her a lot. In the past few weeks my love for her has become very obvious to our friends, she always knew but others didn't. Now they constantly keep teasing us and it is becoming very uncomfortable for me.

I want to move on but I just don't find a way, every night I resolve from the next day I wont talk to her and then she texts me once and I end up spending so much time with her and falling more and more in love. I just cant stop myself of thinking about her and letting it go. How do I? I need to move on before she gets a boyfriend because when she does, if I still hold the same feelings for her, I will be so shattered!

[smackie9]

Just tell her to stop contacting you and then block her number. If you want to give her an explanation that is up to you but you don't owe it to her, she should know anyways. Cutting her out of your life maybe tough but it is the only thing you can do to help yourself move on. Next time don't be friends with someone you have a romantic interest in or you will be caught in this trap again.


Sorry but going no contact is the only way.

[woody]

Hi,

I am in a serious emotional crisis. I know this girl for maybe 8 months and I asked her out within 3 weeks of meeting. She refused. 8 months from then, we are very close friends and I still like her a lot. In the past few weeks my love for her has become very obvious to our friends, she always knew but others didn't. Now they constantly keep teasing us and it is becoming very uncomfortable for me.

I want to move on but I just don't find a way, every night I resolve from the next day I wont talk to her and then she texts me once and I end up spending so much time with her and falling more and more in love. I just cant stop myself of thinking about her and letting it go. How do I? I need to move on before she gets a boyfriend because when she does, if I still hold the same feelings for her, I will be so shattered!

Dear falleninlove

When one is aware that a friends feelings go above and beyond the friendship range, yet continues this form of mild torture, it can be very damaging. Question: does she fully understand how you feel about her? If not, tell her. If she does know and keeps on texting and talking, well, not the nicest approach is it.
If this girl is tugging at your heartstrings and its making you feel lost, you must do what is right for you and cut her off; at least, for now. Perhaps by taking 'you' away from 'her', she will gain insight into her own true feelings. Time will tell the outcome.
won't be easy but it is do able.
Now is the time for you to be strong and know all you have to offer to the right person

[Falleninlove]

Dear falleninlove

When one is aware that a friends feelings go above and beyond the friendship range, yet continues this form of mild torture, it can be very damaging. Question: does she fully understand how you feel about her? If not, tell her. If she does know and keeps on texting and talking, well, not the nicest approach is it.
If this girl is tugging at your heartstrings and its making you feel lost, you must do what is right for you and cut her off; at least, for now. Perhaps by taking 'you' away from 'her', she will gain insight into her own true feelings. Time will tell the outcome.
won't be easy but it is do able.
Now is the time for you to be strong and know all you have to offer to the right person

She completely knows how much I love her, when her friends tell her she agrees I am so much in love. It is becoming damaging for me because she actually is helping me a lot which is in turn deepening my feelings for her. I exactly know that cutting her off is the need of the hour but how would I do it, I dont understand because at the end of the day she makes me so happy, I dont even want to stay away from her! Its the ultimate reality that she doesnt like me that is hurting me the most not the time I spend with her, the time I spend with her is the best time of my day!

I don't understand her, she cut off with me for about a month asking me to move on if I wanted her to be my friend then when I had actually started to forget her, she sent me a message again saying how extremely sorry she was and she needed a pause but now she misses me and wants to be my friend again. I told her I still care for her too much and she said she appreciates that no matter what and still wants to be my friend. I guess I shouldn't have become her friend then, now things are much more complicated because I am more emotionally connected to her than I was then as since then we spend even more time together than we used to before that "pause".

[Mattiemae]

You are right to say you will be shattered emotionally. Be honest with her and tell her what you feel for her, and explain why you can't be friends anymore. If she doesn't respond to that and just wants to remain friends, than understand you have to just stop focusing on her. Take her number out of your phone, take her off social networks, or and if she's given you anything get rid of it. Find things to keep your mind occupied. Go out with other woman, talk to other woman. Go out and meet new people in general. Do things and write out your feelings, or do art work to get rid of the emotions.

[smackie9]

Dude she truly doesn't know the dmamge it is doing to you....if fact she is in it for her own emotional benefit. As they say she is using you as her emotional tampon because she doesn't have a BF atm, but I'm sure as shit when she does find a BF, he will make her stop talking to you anyways.

She makes you happy like a drug addict on heroin. That's all she is, is an addiction and you need some serious rebab or you find yourself hanging from a curtain rod. The reality is, you have to cut her off, block her number and tell her not to contact you again. Then you can grieve your loss and be ready for a real GF. I'm sure many opportunities have been lost because of your obsessing over her. You are blind to other girls that would want to be with you. You are just digging yourself into a hole, it's time to get out.

[Falleninlove]

Dude she truly doesn't know the dmamge it is doing to you....if fact she is in it for her own emotional benefit. As they say she is using you as her emotional tampon because she doesn't have a BF atm, but I'm sure as shit when she does find a BF, he will make her stop talking to you anyways.

She makes you happy like a drug addict on heroin. That's all she is, is an addiction and you need some serious rebab or you find yourself hanging from a curtain rod. The reality is, you have to cut her off, block her number and tell her not to contact you again. Then you can grieve your loss and be ready for a real GF. I'm sure many opportunities have been lost because of your obsessing over her. You are blind to other girls that would want to be with you. You are just digging yourself into a hole, it's time to get out.

You are so right! I am addicted to her. She has become my ecstasy! I cannot even sleep without wishing her good night!

I don't understand what else does a girl want? I am her best friend, I give her time, effort and a lot of gifts and she knows I am head over heels in love with her!

The strangest thing, that she doesn't have a boyfriend, is not interested in any boy around and doesn't even seem interested in any one!

Everybody tells us how cute we look together but ahh everything is going horribly wrong!

[Mattiemae]

The thing is we can have all the right intentions, give our 100%, but it's not always about you. We seem to feel rejected because someone doesn't give back to us. Fortunately she doesn't know what she wants herself. It really has to do with how she feels about herself. How she percieves the world around her, and her own self worth. She may be lost in past issues from childhood, or with other guys. You don't know the damage that has been done. Most likely she is not hurting you on purpose, but lost in trying to find her own way in the world. There is nothing you can do to help her find her way. She makes the choices she makes, and perhaps that is the hardest part of love, understanding where we make impact and show others love, but they may never accept it, or give it in return. You have helped her, but she may just not be seeing things clearly from her perspective.

[smackie9]

Dude I don't what else to say except give it another try and ask her out. If she rejects you again, that is when you are just going to have to break the news to her, that you can't hang out with her anymore because your feelings are too strong for her, and that it is too difficult to be around her. That is all you can really do at this point.

[Falleninlove]

The thing is we can have all the right intentions, give our 100%, but it's not always about you. We seem to feel rejected because someone doesn't give back to us. Fortunately she doesn't know what she wants herself. It really has to do with how she feels about herself. How she percieves the world around her, and her own self worth. She may be lost in past issues from childhood, or with other guys. You don't know the damage that has been done. Most likely she is not hurting you on purpose, but lost in trying to find her own way in the world. There is nothing you can do to help her find her way. She makes the choices she makes, and perhaps that is the hardest part of love, understanding where we make impact and show others love, but they may never accept it, or give it in return. You have helped her, but she may just not be seeing things clearly from her perspective.

She has had a troubled childhood and seems pretty emotionally frozen! The thought of leaving her makes me feel guilty because already she is so messed up!

[Mattiemae]

I used to feel that way too, and wanted to fix, save, and change plenty of romeo's. But most of the Romeo's haven't change yet, and I have, and glad I learned to walk away from those unhealthy relationships. I don't alow guilt to get me anymore, because I know that I rather live in joy and happiness than be abused emotionally, mentally, and spiritually the rest of my life because other people don't choose to help themselves. There are so many people in the world that live in pain and suffering and unhappy relationships because they want to be people pleasers, fix others, change others, and save them. Only it never happens, and they drain you emotionally and mentally and sometimes financially. You can love people, but love isn't always enough to change those that have alot of past issues. People don't change until they learn to stop being the victim, and I've been their myself. The past can be horrible sometimes, but at some point in time we have to let it go, and heal and move on. I really got tired of harming myself because everyone else has issues. It makes alot of sense to me now after everyone always blaming me. But in fact I've done my inner work and watched others for quite awhile and see they haven't done any. lol This world is pretty amazing when everyone is in denial of the part they play. Sorry to ramble, but I know how hard it is to jump out of emotional and mental baggage and dysfunction. It's a hard journey, and only the strongest make it through those changes for the better.

[Falleninlove]

I used to feel that way too, and wanted to fix, save, and change plenty of romeo's. But most of the Romeo's haven't change yet, and I have, and glad I learned to walk away from those unhealthy relationships. I don't alow guilt to get me anymore, because I know that I rather live in joy and happiness than be abused emotionally, mentally, and spiritually the rest of my life because other people don't choose to help themselves. There are so many people in the world that live in pain and suffering and unhappy relationships because they want to be people pleasers, fix others, change others, and save them. Only it never happens, and they drain you emotionally and mentally and sometimes financially. You can love people, but love isn't always enough to change those that have alot of past issues. People don't change until they learn to stop being the victim, and I've been their myself. The past can be horrible sometimes, but at some point in time we have to let it go, and heal and move on. I really got tired of harming myself because everyone else has issues. It makes alot of sense to me now after everyone always blaming me. But in fact I've done my inner work and watched others for quite awhile and see they haven't done any. lol This world is pretty amazing when everyone is in denial of the part they play. Sorry to ramble, but I know how hard it is to jump out of emotional and mental baggage and dysfunction. It's a hard journey, and only the strongest make it through those changes for the better.

Everything you said is true. More than me moving on, I wished she moved on from her past and saw the better things in this world and realize she is special like everyone of us!

Sometimes, I feel what she said to me was so true - she said she wished she liked me because she was loosing out not me and she said she knows nobody would ever care for her as much as I do!

[Mattiemae]

yes, hopefully she will one day! We just don't know when that day will come! It could be a year, ten years, thirty years! That's the hard part! Believe it or not their are people in their 50's, 60's, 70's, that are still in that state of mind. I've always found it interesting that some teenagers can be more mature than older people, and older people act more immature like teenagers. lol

[Falleninlove]

Thank goodness I am confident and strong myself so I can continue to give her emotional support. Before my crush, she is a good friend, a lonely girl who needs a friend, I feel good helping her around, no matter what the world might say!

[smackie9]

falleninlove, look up "co-dependency"