Did I say something wrong? No ORGASM

[mojo71]

Hey guys!
When my boyfriend and I have sex, sometimes I tell him during the act,"I'm not gonna have an orgasm" or "Its all you baby, I'm not gonna come". He has taken offense to that and says it kills the mood. Is that true for most guys? Should I say anything or not?

Thanks for the advice

[Mattiemae]

Really it's all about you focusing. It has nothing to do with him. It's where your mind is at the moment. If you don't relax and you don't believe you can, you won't no matter what he does. It does spoil the mood for him, because you're placing your pleasure on him. While he may be interacting with you, it's your feelings and beliefs about it! Your own sexuality is what you need to discover. What feels right and comfortable, and why you may be tense and not open and relaxed.

[mojo71]

I do have orgasms alot of the time. My question is " Is it ok to say during sex Im not gonna come or does that ruin the mood for him.

[Mattiemae]

I wouldn't tell him. It bruises the male ego. Makes him think he can't do the job! lol It's common sense!

[mojo71]

I wouldn't tell him. It bruises the male ego. Makes him think he can't do the job! lol It's common sense!

So just fake it?!

[Mattiemae]

Fortunately, if it is emotionally and more mentally healthy for him, yes! If you tell someone enough times they don't perform well in just about any area of their life, they start believing they are a failure, or suck. So this is the thing when we concentrate on negative aspects and be blatant about every mistake, or every experience that is not 100% we can make people really believe that is truth. From what you are saying you have them sometimes and sometimes you don't. So really this is about where your mind and focus is at that particular moment. Not always about what he's doing. So of course telling him what you do, you're basically telling him he sucks, which may not even be the truth. lol If you can see my point. Figure out why you're not feeling it, versus placing the blame on him. So yes, fake it to you make it. lol

[mojo71]

Fortunately, if it is emotionally and more mentally healthy for him, yes! If you tell someone enough times they don't perform well in just about any area of their life, they start believing they are a failure, or suck. So this is the thing when we concentrate on negative aspects and be blatant about every mistake, or every experience that is not 100% we can make people really believe that is truth. From what you are saying you have them sometimes and sometimes you don't. So really this is about where your mind and focus is at that particular moment. Not always about what he's doing. So of course telling him what you do, you're basically telling him he sucks, which may not even be the truth. lol If you can see my point. Figure out why you're not feeling it, versus placing the blame on him. So yes, fake it to you make it. lol

He wants me to cum and he says it doesn't make him feel less than a man if I don't. He just says it kills the mood when I say I won't cum during our lovemaking. He has asked me numerous times not to say it during but I don't want him to feel he HAS to get me off for him to get off. He tries so hard sometimes and puts me first and I feel bad for him working so hard at it. That's why I just say I'm not going to cum and its all him. Maybe I shouldn't say it at all

[Mattiemae]

That would be a good idea. It's about enjoying each other and shouldn't matter in the first place. It's more of the intimacy and connection. The bonding!

[4 ratties]

i vote definitely ruins the mood.

[mojo71]

i vote definitely ruins the mood.

Thats what he said. I always thought its normal for women not to ALWAYS have an orgasm during sex and it would be ok if i gave him the go ahead. I told him if every woman hes been with said they did, they were lying.

[Mattiemae]

There really is a time and place for conversation on sexuality. Not in the bedroom while you're doing it! Just not the appropriate time. Really you have to figure out your own sexual identity and preferences. Read up on sexuality and get familiar with your own beliefs, thoughts, and feelings about it. Really the more you are comfortable with your body, and self, you won't feel the need to worry about this. If you want to have conversations about sex do it outside of the bedroom preferably when he's not in the mood. But understand what you say can make a person feel negative or positive about the experience and how you say it. Is it really a problem and does it really bother you? What is your point for telling him? What is it that you want him to say when you say that? I'm not sure why you're stuck on this? It is normal to have orgasms sometimes and not sometimes. Just leave it at that, and don't make a problem where there really isn't a problem.

[confusedguy1012]

I see both of your points; I know in my relationship sometimes my girl just can't cum and I understand that we all have our off days but instead of making it negative saying i'm not going to cum what you could do is during a non sexual time sit him down and explain to him you can't always get off sometimes it just doesnt happen. Then agree on a way that doesn't hurt his ego like saying it in a dirty way like baby I want you to cum all over me now or something lol. That's just my thought

[Azwraith]

That totally ruins the mood. Sex is, for me, more about pleasing the other than pleasuring myself. If I am with a girl and she says she won't orgasm, there is no reason to continue in such a selfish act...

[michelle23]

Most women find it difficult to cum during intercourse because there is not enough stimulation to the clit. Ask him to give you lots of foreplay-aim to orgasm before or after sex if its not working for you.

[bekho]

Its a physical and mental thing. In the throws of passion and the heat is on. He's trying his best not to cum straight away and combust, while you are as cold as ice. Neither physically in the moment of emotionally attracted to your lover enough to cum. By removing yourself from the moment you are effectively a piece of meat with a hole for him. You should be happy that he feels so turned off when you scream "I'm not going to.cum for you!"

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