Trust issues? or not?

[hugoprh]

My Girlfriend last week told me that she was Bi-sexual and told me that she would like to know if I was ok, if something happened in a night out with the girls, if I would be mad, I told her I was fine with her sexuality, but I still consider that cheating, so she said that she would only be friends then with that work friend.
A couple of days later she spend the night out, on a hotel with 3 work friends and she told me that she had a great night, that she will probably do it once a month from now on. I agreed and all was fine, but now she has been very secretive and keeps texting this friend and deletes only some messages not all, she knows I have trust issues and I told her in the past that I saw a few messages on her mobile, but would never do it again, because I don't want to be that kind of guy, but I did it again yesterday and this is how I found out that she is deleting some of the messages, I see her texting loads, but when I checked the oldest message was 24h old, Should I be worried? I cannot ask her why she is deleting the texts, because if she finds out that I checked her messages again, she would probably break up with me, as she she told she would… Please help, not really sure what to do now, considering that I have a son with her and was planning to propose to her…



Kind Regards,
Hugo

[michelle23]

She should have been honest from the beginning that she is bi but shes been lying all along. If it were me, this would be a deal breaker and I would end it. Only you can decide whats best for you but I think the trust is gone and your relationship isn't the same

[Mattiemae]

Sounds like to me she wants and open relationship where she can have her cake and eat it too. There are some people that are comfortable with that, and some that are not. So really you have to decide whether you're comfortable with that now that you know she is bi-sexual and wants to play around with you and other people. Really bi-sexual relationships are always experimenting and exploring in their sexual identity. So you probably will experience alot of ups and downs with her if you stay with her.

[hugoprh]

How open is she? If only her wants to play around, I told her that I have my fantasies as well, but she’s not ok with that, for example a 3 way, or me with a different girl, just for fun as she said, nothing serious, but that she said, that would be a straight fantasy, so it’s not the same thing… So in the end we agreed that girl with girl is still cheating and she promised that she would NOT have her Fantasy then, but she keeps texting her and deleting the messages, she said it’s only girl talk, but why delete then?

Thank you for the reply’s, but more opinions would be helpful.

[Mattiemae]

Really it is an agreement she has to make with you and keep. If she breaks it of course she is breaking the agreement. It's all about honesty and trust. If she can't live with that, it's just a hard lesson to learn in life, because it is two main ingredients in life.

[hugoprh]

Thank you Mattiemae, I understand what you are saying and I'll work on the my trust issues as well and see where this will go...

Cheers

[michelle23]

If you cant even bring it up or talk about your insecurities without the worry of being "dumped" then this isn't a healthy relationship. Her sexuality and this other girl has now become the elephant in the room. If she has feelings for someone else (male or female) or is tempted to act on that (cheating) then that friend has got to go in order to protect your relationship.

Set some very clear boundaries with her. It is irrelevant that this other person is a woman. It would be no different if she were a man. She still poses a threat to your relationship and if your gf cannot understand that and refuses to do what it takes to give you some piece of mind and reassurance then you should end this relationship because living with trust issues is living in hell

[hugoprh]

If you cant even bring it up or talk about your insecurities without the worry of being "dumped" then this isn't a healthy relationship. Her sexuality and this other girl has now become the elephant in the room. If she has feelings for someone else (male or female) or is tempted to act on that (cheating) then that friend has got to go in order to protect your relationship.

Set some very clear boundaries with her. It is irrelevant that this other person is a woman. It would be no different if she were a man. She still poses a threat to your relationship and if your gf cannot understand that and refuses to do what it takes to give you some piece of mind and reassurance then you should end this relationship because living with trust issues is living in hell

Thanks Michelle, for now I'll give her some space and see where this is going, if I don't like where it's going, than I'll act on it.

Thank you =)

[hugoprh]

Update: she has been obsessing with girls lately, she's constantly looking at pictures on Facebook of friends - friends, but all hot girls, should I be worried, or is it her just fantasizing? I'm starting to think she is simply gay and not Bi... A little background history on our relation, she was never very keen on kissing, avoids as much as possible, not sure if can be in a relation like this, we have been together for 7 years, have 2 year old and she does say that she prefers man over women and she loves me more than everything, but she has been obsessing so much lately, that I don't know what I'm doing in this relationship anymore, can this be just temporary?

Thank you all...