Abusive relationship

[crackjack72]

I meet this anti-social/geeky/hot girl a couple weeks ago at school.
Turns out we've got a lot in common and similar personalities.

Anyway, we started talking and i learned she had a boyfriend.

I asked her : If you have a boyfriend, how come you're alone most of the time and i never see you kiss, hug or anything else normal couples do?
She replied : To tell you the truth, our relationship is dying because he treats me badly and i can't break up with him cause he scares me.

I know she isn't bullshitting cause the guy in question blew a fuse when he noticed she was talking to another man.
Long story short, it all comes down to this, if i can save her from this guy I'm gonna gain a girlfriend however, i most certainly will get my geeky ass kicked in the process and she probably will too.
How can i solve this without resorting to violence?

[mwtzzz]

Make friends with a tough guy. like in an 80s teen movie.

[confusedguy1012]

Well if he's abusive you could have her call the cops and get a restraining order. That's what a girl I know did when she was abused then everytime he comes near her she can call the cops and he'll get arrested.

[Mattiemae]

The thing is you really can't save her from an abusive relationship. 1.) Confusedguy is correct! She needs a personal protection order. But she has to document everything he says and does, threats, bruises, intimidation, text messages, emails, if he's stalking her. They will ask for this information. Serve it to him, if the judge signs the order, and he will have no contact for a year.

Really you do not want to get involved physically because it will get you arrested and not something you want on your record. For battery and assault.

She can go to a domestic violence shelter and talk to a therapist their about an emergency plan, and they can give her a phone just for emergency use he doesn't know about. They can teach her what to do to avoid getting in certain situations. She really needs to go there, before she decides to break it off. Because otherwise he will hurt her, and go after her or anyone else in the way. Everything has to be in place first. If the order's in place than she can break up with him over the phone.

Police will arrest him, and if he breaks the order. She just needs to be in a safe place. That is the only way to do is safely for you and her. Any other way, you will end up getting arrested yourself. Especially with domestic disputes, they arrest both parties sometimes no questions asked and they don't care what happen.

[crackjack72]

Really you do not want to get involved physically because it will get you arrested and not something you want on your record. For battery and assault.

Good point, looks like i won't be her "knight in shining armor" after all.

The "love game" is so stupid, especially in situations like these.
You find someone of the opposite sex that's literally an exact replica of yourself but there's a catch(there's always a catch), she's with a tall, muscled abusive guy and to win her heart you gotta figure out a way to solve the puzzle.

[Mattiemae]

All you can be is an emotional and mental support, until she decides to help herself and take the right actions. Lecturing her, or judging her will only push her away from you. Being loving and supportive, listening, and being there for her is what she needs the most!

[crackjack72]

All you can be is an emotional and mental support, until she decides to help herself and take the right actions. Lecturing her, or judging her will only push her away from you. Being loving and supportive, listening, and being there for her is what she needs the most!

Good advices but things went wrong quite fast.

Yesterday, on my way home, i noticed she and her boyfriend were arguing so i told myself : Alright, i won't be a part of it, I'll just walk by and pretend I'm not seeing anything.
However, when i got close to them the guy yelled "Hey, look, it's your boyfriend" while squeezing her wrists.
She started crying and told him "Stop, you're hurting me!"

I couldn't just let this happen so, i tried to reason with him by claiming i wasn't interested in her and he had nothing to worry about.
Unfortunately, he didn't believe my lie and became violent. At this point i knew an ass kicking was inevitable.
He tried to punch me, i got lucky and blocked his punch, twisted his arm behind his back, grabbed his leg with my other arm, he face planned into the ground and i pinned him down.
Some stranger walking by came to my rescue after i explained what had happened cause i was obviously having trouble keeping him down.

Long story short, we had to spend the night at the police station explaining what had happened, she decided to press charges against him, thanked me with a big bear hug and the guy is temporarily in jail until things get sorted out.

Everything worked out for everybody in the end.
I'm now her hero and the guy is behind bars until we go to court and testify against him.

[rest77]

Good advices but things went wrong quite fast.

Yesterday, on my way home, i noticed she and her boyfriend were arguing so i told myself : Alright, i won't be a part of it, I'll just walk by and pretend I'm not seeing anything.
However, when i got close to them the guy yelled "Hey, look, it's your boyfriend" while squeezing her wrists.
She started crying and told him "Stop, you're hurting me!"

I couldn't just let this happen so, i tried to reason with him by claiming i wasn't interested in her and he had nothing to worry about.
Unfortunately, he didn't believe my lie and became violent. At this point i knew an ass kicking was inevitable.
He tried to punch me, i got lucky and blocked his punch, twisted his arm behind his back, grabbed his leg with my other arm, he face planned into the ground and i pinned him down.
Some stranger walking by came to my rescue after i explained what had happened cause i was obviously having trouble keeping him down.

Long story short, we had to spend the night at the police station explaining what had happened, she decided to press charges against him, thanked me with a big bear hug and the guy is temporarily in jail until things get sorted out.

Everything worked out for everybody in the end.
I'm now her hero and the guy is behind bars until we go to court and testify against him.

Good advices but things went wrong quite fast.

Yesterday, on my way home, i noticed she and her boyfriend were arguing so i told myself : Alright, i won't be a part of it, I'll just walk by and pretend I'm not seeing anything.
However, when i got close to them the guy yelled "Hey, look, it's your boyfriend" while squeezing her wrists.
She started crying and told him "Stop, you're hurting me!"

I couldn't just let this happen so, i tried to reason with him by claiming i wasn't interested in her and he had nothing to worry about.
Unfortunately, he didn't believe my lie and became violent. At this point i knew an ass kicking was inevitable.
He tried to punch me, i got lucky and blocked his punch, twisted his arm behind his back, grabbed his leg with my other arm, he face planned into the ground and i pinned him down.
Some stranger walking by came to my rescue after i explained what had happened cause i was obviously having trouble keeping him down.

Long story short, we had to spend the night at the police station explaining what had happened, she decided to press charges against him, thanked me with a big bear hug and the guy is temporarily in jail until things get sorted out.

Everything worked out for everybody in the end.
I'm now her hero and the guy is behind bars until we go to court and testify against him.

Well, that happened fast. Somehow, its like her abusing boyfriend already had a hint that either of you is interested in each other. This might be a stepping stone to showing her that you are of course interested in her and see where it leads..

[HeartIsAching]

*sniffs*

I smell troll.

[crackjack72]

Well, that happened fast. Somehow, its like her abusing boyfriend already had a hint that either of you is interested in each other.

Of course he had a hint, remember when i said we were talking and the dude noticed us and blew a fuse?
He seemed jealous as hell and he was right to be at least, this one time.

This might be a stepping stone to showing her that you are of course interested in her and see where it leads..

That's way too soon, she's still in shock.

All i can do for now is be her shoulder to cry on but, I'll make my move soon enough when the time is right.
You know, when she's gonna be weak and feel like no other man is ever gonna love her again.
It shouldn't take more than a week or two or sooner if some other guy notice she's an easy target right now.

Hell yeah, that's the good stuff.
Looks like I've found my game again after losing it for years.
It's all about strategy and manipulation.

I'd like to thank you all for pointing me toward the light.

[RobertWQ]

Assuming this is real, this is stupid. Now you have a violent person who has your number. You're idealizing a girl you really know little about, and you've just inserted yourself into a complex and violent situation because you want to date her, despite the fact that she makes bad relationship choices.

[crackjack72]

Assuming this is real, this is stupid. Now you have a violent person who has your number. You're idealizing a girl you really know little about, and you've just inserted yourself into a complex and violent situation because you want to date her, despite the fact that she makes bad relationship choices.

He doesn't have my number in fact, he doesn't even know my name.
Beside, everyone made a bad relationship choice at one time or another.
This guy was her first real boyfriend so, i wouldn't really blame her for staying with him.

I agree, it is a complicated situation but, it's gonna be worth it in the end.
I could've gave up and seduced some easy make up and high heels wearing whore instead but, i decided to go for the grand prize.
I know, I'm a very strange person but hey, i like challenges.
Seems like I'm the only guy looking for hidden treasures in the mud instead of going for the easy targets with daddy issues.

[rest77]

You're idealizing a girl you really know little about, and you've just inserted yourself into a complex and violent situation because you want to date her, despite the fact that she makes bad relationship choices.

Sometimes in life, people do not make bad relationship choices, it just happens to go bad somehwere in the middle or along the way. Dont be quick to judge, because things that started so well at the beginning can go bad in a way that one cant even explain. And it can happen to anybody as well.

Again, am not saying that people dont make bad choices in relationship, of course they do, but that does not include everybody.

[Mattiemae]

You were lucky not to have gotten arrested this time, and things worked well at that particular moment! Unfortunately you don't want to keep getting in that situation. He's even fuming more now because he was arrested. I hope she did get a personal protection order after the event and the arrest. If she didn't she really needs to a.s.a.p. You really don't understand what you're dealing with, and please don't be naive. He may not know your phone number, but she's more of a target now unless you have that protection order, and still even when those are placed, depending on how obssessed the guy is will do anything to stay in control even if it means killing her. So you really have to take this seriously and keep both of you safe. I would make sure she has a phone on her at all times when she walks out the door. Make sure she has people witness her get into a job, or school. He knows her life, and some of them will stalk. I don't mean to frighten you, but this stuff gets serious.

While you like her, it's not an easy situation.

[Wakeup]

He doesn't have my number in fact, he doesn't even know my name.
Beside, everyone made a bad relationship choice at one time or another.
This guy was her first real boyfriend so, i wouldn't really blame her for staying with him.

I agree, it is a complicated situation but, it's gonna be worth it in the end.
I could've gave up and seduced some easy make up and high heels wearing whore instead but, i decided to go for the grand prize.
I know, I'm a very strange person but hey, i like challenges.
Seems like I'm the only guy looking for hidden treasures in the mud instead of going for the easy targets with daddy issues.

I was going to tell you to get down off your high horse but since you are such a White Knight with the Syndrome, then ride on, Sir.

I meet this anti-social/geeky/hot girl a couple weeks ago at school.
Turns out we've got a lot in common and similar personalities.

Anyway, we started talking and i learned she had a boyfriend.

I asked her : If you have a boyfriend, how come you're alone most of the time and i never see you kiss, hug or anything else normal couples do?
She replied : To tell you the truth, our relationship is dying because he treats me badly and i can't break up with him cause he scares me.

I know she isn't bullshitting cause the guy in question blew a fuse when he noticed she was talking to another man.
Long story short, it all comes down to this, if i can save her from this guy I'm gonna gain a girlfriend however, i most certainly will get my geeky ass kicked in the process and she probably will too.
How can i solve this without resorting to violence?

Pffft... reading that ^^^ one would think she actually wanted you. Where in this story does it indicate that she'd even want you to come to her rescue never mind be her new boyfriend? You ASSume a lot, dude.