Is he holding me back?

[ashleynicole]

My life is nowhere near how I pictured it. I graduated at the top of my class in high school and started college when I was 18. I was always the one who would never study for anything and always held perfect grades. It always just came easily to me.

During my first semester of college I also worked 2 jobs and had my own apartment. I always saw myself being successful and being able to have the things I wanted. I had only had one relationship all through high school so when I met my (now) husband I fell for him fast. He was romantic and spontaneous and at the time had a decent job. I ended up quitting college (my plan was to take a break for a semester) and we moved into a nice house together and things were going pretty good.

We both had money saved up and all of my plans of graduating college and having a career before I settled down just seemed silly at the time. We rushed into marriage and buying a home and now we can't afford anything. We are both working our butts off to keep what we have. We have been together for 5 years now and for the last 2 years we have fought constantly because I know that even if I wanted to I can't afford to go back to college now and I can't keep living like this.

He doesn't see the problem because he was a high school dropout (he has a GED) and his family has always struggled with money. He tells me that's just the way life goes. I didn't grow up in a wealthy family either but I've known from a young age that I want more than what I had growing up and I've always been told I could do that. Not a lot of people have the intelligence to learn things so easily and I know I can do anything I put my mind to so how could I let love blind me so much and put me in this situation.

I want so much more but he says he is happy with what we have. He doesn't want us to pay for me to go back to school. I feel like he's holding me back from a better life. Any advice would be appreciated.

[Mattiemae]

The thing is since around 2008 the economy has been bad, and so many people don't have jobs, and are in the same place as you are in the moment. Really you have done what most people have, and even people that have student loans are in hardship. Everyone has been effected. It sometimes doesn't have to do with what you have done, but the way our society is going at the moment. Really even going to get more education is hard for people, because there is no promise for a job, and you are going up against 400 or more applicants for one job.

Really you just have to do the best you can in the moment like everyone else. If you haven't noticed there are alot of foreclosures and people have lost their homes and everything. So I understand your stress. Many people are in this same boat, and may just be easier for your husband because he's bee through rough times from what you've stated with his family. Most people didn't plan on things like this, but it has happen to so many people, and be lucky you have a home, when some are camping out in the woods homeless and without a job, that have a degree like you.

Our society is materialistic, and fortunately when times are like these it's not so important what you have, but that you use your money wisely. Be creative and find ways to make extra money in other ways like crafts, art, music, writing, what ever your talents are, their are innovative ways to make extra cash, or the higher ups call passive income.

[basilandthyme]

Ashley, you've described your problem well. But what I don't see is your plan for how to make going back to school work.

If you could change it all tomorrow, how would you change your financial commitments to make the college thing work? Would it entail both of you living on his wage alone, or could you pay for college and still contribute to the living expenses? If you sell the house, would you be selling at a loss?

What flaws does your husband see these plans?

[Sunnybeach7]

He doesn't want us to pay for me to go back to school.

Well then let YOU pay to go back to school.. that's what student loans are for.

Your husband may not agree to it.. but you could sell the house, get something cheaper, change your lifestyles a little to budget more.. if you could agree on that.

I can also see his point that he is happy with what you have now. I don't believe it takes a whole lot of money to be happy.

Something to consider.. how do you feel in this relationship aside from wanting to go back to school?

Aside from student loans, you could look into getting grants and even scholarships. What you need to do is talk to your husband about what you want in life. Also try to understand the way he feels too.. if you can see things from his view, he may be more willing to accept yours.