Get It Outside? A Question for Women

[Drattit]

My wife and I had been married a very long time, and she no longer was sweet and affectionate but indifferent or grumpy, nor did she desire sex with me although she would go through motions of intercourse. Nothing else would she do, just undress, get into bed, and then it was up to me to have sex with her. She liked it, it seemed, but not overmuch, there were no moans of delight nor any expressions of pleasure, no compliments, flatteries, or any such talk as tells a person the other loves the pleasure given. She hated to discuss sexual things, about feelings and sensations, about her experiences or my own. And late in our marriage, sometimes my wife, when I touched her, even cringed slightly, I could tell. Which told me she didn't desire sex but only was going through the motions. It's not that I pestered her either. It was once a week with no frills-- although to be sure I sometimes, every six months or a year or so, asked for something novel to break out of the routine. I would tell her I needed some little novelty, that a man needs a little change in order to function sexually. She either got huffy or indignant and sulked. These requests were not made in anger, just concern for our sex life. Well, time passed, things got no better. My wife seemed to love controlling my sex life with this routine.

One day we had one of our big tri-yearly arguments, and one thing I said was I told her that I needed more excitement in our sex. She refused. I asked, "What then do you want me to do?" And she said, "Get it outside."

I ask the women: If you were post-menopausal, didn't feel desire for your husband, didn't want sex with him, would you still feel he shouldn't have sex with some other woman?

[hatesthis]

Maybe you both should sit back down calmly and serioulsy discuss this "get it outside"option...get her blessing or she'll sue you for all your worth in divorce court if you don't. You don't tell your husband that lightly so discuss it again.

Me I would go to my gyno dr etc and get some cream or something to reinstate my sexual desires for my partner, but that is me. I wouldn't want my husband cheating on me.

[Smila]

Hmmm..scary stuff...a woman telling her husband to "go get it outside"...
Better re-discuss it again....

[Mattiemae]

Yes, that is really not healthy and kind of strange. Sounds like maybe anger, hostility, resentments supressed. But she seems dominate as well if it's only on her terms. Controlling and manipulating maybe. She calls the shots type thing. Her way, or no way mentality. You can stand around an be docile, but this woman really needs to get a grip! It's not all about her.