Lack of confidence talking to women

[EC01]

Hi everyone,

I'm new to this place, I don't usually sign up for forums but I thought I'd give it a go. I'm not sure where I wanted to post this but I guess I want a female perspective. I also really appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this as it would help me a lot. I'll try to be as honest as possible.

First, a bit of background.. I'm a relatively fresh faced 22 year old, nearly 23 from England. For those from the UK, I'm your standard normal guy from university. I, personally, would consider myself a reasonably good looking guy, about 5,9, slim build. A couple of years ago my first and only relationship ended. I encountered severe anxiety during random periods of the relationship and felt I had to escape. Maybe it was the anxiety's way of telling me that she wasn't entirely right for me - and deep down I think I realise that. In hindsight, for a good year I was used to having the attentions of a good looking girly. It sounds so selfish I know. Since then, I think I've missed the attention but I'm determined to find a girl whose right for me and someone who I'll love for being her vice versa eventually. Don't get me wrong, we loved each other for all the right reasons - but she has been my only love so far, thus its an important one for me. It is however in the past now.

I am quite a shy guy normally. Around girls, especially girls who I don't know, I can be like a statue and I just freeze. I wish I could go up to any girl (within my age range I guess) and be confident enough to talk properly without over thinking everything. But since my relationship ended, I've suffered from a slight lack of confidence/get up and go mentality. Because Im shy in nature I'm sort of sensitive in this way and don't want to be embarrassed if a girl turns her back on me or something or I run out of things to say or she generally thinks 'whats this guy doing..'. Haha. It's not a good mentality to have and I know it needs to be changed but its almost like a need proof or 1 good experience for me to think its not as bad as I think.

I'm going to a bar/pub in London tomorrow to see work friends and I'm trying to set myself to talk to at least 2/3 different girls or at least one. Even if it's just small talk for like 10 seconds. But I know I will just struggle to gather the confidence and will most likely go home disappointed knowing its another night where I COULD have met someone nice. You never know.

Any words of advice or input is appreciated, I'm in such a rut over this.

[LittleMadam]

Basically, you have to fake it til you make it.

Go in that pub, with false confidence. Literally, just ACT. Keep it up, once you have spoken to one you will ease a little, which will feed this fake confidence.
Keep it up, continue faking it til you really do make it. It works.

[basilandthyme]

Fronting up to women who you don't know in a pub is a very difficult start. I would suggest you start with meeting new people at parties and meet friends of friends. Also, get used to talking with ALL girls - old, young, pretty, average, available and unavailable. Learn to have female friends without even worrying about a girlfriend yet.

[EC01]

Cool, yeah I appreciate a pub is a pretty hard start with people I don't know, but I feel like I want to really throw myself in the deep end/nothing to lose kind of attitude. Parties are kind of rare for me these days but I'll definitely take your advice so thank you both.

[Kromat83]

Go to a venue, where there is similar interest, talk about that, why you came and why did she, what intrigues her.
What type of work or schooling at you focusing on, any ambitions, interests you would like to share, what are certain things you'd like to try currently, or would like too when you have free time, anything that bothers you, what is on the news, etc.

There are lots of various subjects to talk about, your just over thinking it and making talking to women a chore when it doesn't have to be ... how would you talk to a new male friend, if you wanted an opinion ?

We all know that most of us guys approach a girl that we find attractive, but it'll depend on the conversation and how you both interact, If you'd like to get to know that person more.

Avoid the pub, if your not comfortable and just talk to as many women as possible, as mentioned before, and you wont have a problem, let it be genuine, and that will build your confidence.

Anyways, good luck

[pcmaster]

Check this guide.
loveforum.net/threads/85674-Guide-on-interacting-with-girls

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