Should I ask my BFF out?

[tabular]

So my ex introduced me to this guy in October, and ex dumped me right afterwards. The guy and I, however, have been pretty much hanging out most of the weeks since then and became really good friends. In fact, I have spent way more time with him now than I ever had with my ex. Apart from one situation early on, when he just held my hand while we were walking home from the bus stop, there was never anything that would make me even the slightest bit confused about him seeing me as more than just as a friend (and I didn't read too much into that situation anyway). I would talk to him a lot about my break-up with said ex, and he would confide in me about his relationship problems.

However, a few nights ago we got drunk at his place and I ended up staying over. We cuddled, he was caressing my face with his fingers while sleeping, and then the next day texted me that he dumped his girlfriend, whom he wanted to dump for quite some time.

Thing is - I'd make a move right away, as I find him incredibly good-looking and I really feel a great connection with him, but during one of our friendly conversations he mentioned several times that he would never have sex with anyone whom his 'mates' have had sex with before. For one - the 'bro-code', but my ex and him are not that close friends - more like acquaintances. They don't share the same social circle and they haven't seen each other in months (though they go to the same uni so they do run into each other). And secondly, due to the fact that he doesn't want to sleep with a woman where he knows the guy who slept with her before, just because he finds thoughts that would emerge to him in the process very disturbing.

What do you think should I do? I saw him today and it was all back to normal - friend zone style. He suggested though that we meet up for a drink some time this week (a fairly normal suggestion, so nothing out of the ordinary). Would that be the right moment to make a move or should I wait for him to make it?

[MrLoyal]

If he is someone who refuses to sleep with a woman that has slept with someone he knows you will always be thought of as that. I have the same issue as him and cant shake it. A lot of men have this feeling.

I would make a move but beware, dont fall too hard. A discreet encounter may be all you will ever gain from this.

The next day after you make a move and provided it does go well I would lay everything on the table. By txt or in person. Tell him the feelings your having, ask him if he would like to take it further. If that all fails, its a big no go.

Hope this helped, good luck.

[Smila]

^^^^

well said....
As a guy, it is the same...there is something about being friends with the guy that has slept with you GF....its just not right..

As for you...go ahead and ask him out.......you seem like a goal getter...but one of the pit falls is that you win some, you loose some....

YOLO...

[tabular]

Thanks, guys. I don't really understand that position about not dating your acquaintance's (not even 'friend's') ex if you spend nearly every day with her and there is obviously an attraction. It just sucks being 'good enough' to be someone's BFF, but not 'good enough' to be someone's date, just because some dude he knows slept with me first.

[FlaCooln]

Put yourself out there. I would not caress a woman that I was not attracted to and I would not have a woman in my bed unless I was attracted to her. Plus, he dumped his GF...good sign IMHO, especially since he has been wanting to for while (maybe you are the reason ).

I have only done it once....had a friend of a friend...she got a too drunk to drive. So we left her car at the restaurant and walked to my place (very near by). I said she could have my bed and I would sleep on the couch. She said not to and she would sleep next to me. I was fine putting my arm around her, but she got all cuddly and started caressing me (I knew what that meant). I told her that I thought she was a nice person, but I was not interested in a relationship or anything sexual. Next day everything was fine and we still hang out sometimes.

Basically, I am saying go for it. Guys can separate and forget WAAAAY better then women IMHO. If a friend hits on me and I say no, I can go right back to being friends w/o being awkwerd.

[MrLoyal]

Thanks, guys. I don't really understand that position about not dating your acquaintance's (not even 'friend's') ex if you spend nearly every day with her and there is obviously an attraction. It just sucks being 'good enough' to be someone's BFF, but not 'good enough' to be someone's date, just because some dude he knows slept with me first.

Best way to describe it for you to understand is, would you ask your best friends ex out?


Most girls I know would say "No, yuck!" if you asked them that, whether they are secretly attracted to them or not. Its just a no go basically.

For men its more something else. Lol.

[HeartIsAching]

Oh screw that macho "bro-code" bullshit... just go for it.

At the end of our lives, we don't regret the chances we took, we regret the chances we didn't take.

[MrLoyal]

I agree that bro-code shit is some bullshit. My main point is I wouldnt feel comfortable dating a girl one of my mates had ****ed. Imagine taking her out to a gathering while her ex your friend is there, awkward! Imagine everytime you sleep with her you are stuck with the thought that your mate has already been here. I cant do this unfortunatley. I'd have an encounter with her for sure, maybe a few but anything other than that, no thank you.

[HeartIsAching]

So you're insecure... how do we know the OP's love interest is?

[MrLoyal]

I know a shit load of men feel this way. Its not to do with insecurity. Its more to do with purity. Most men prefer to marry say someone who has not had a lot of sexual partners or at least someone who hasn't shagged the neighbourhood. The fact she has slept with a mate brings that a little too close to home for me.

Would you marry a girl that three of your mates have slept with would you? Would you invite them to the wedding to? Lol

Though you raise a good point, the o.p.'s love interest may not feel the same way as myself or others but just putting it out there (although o.p. herself has mentioned twice this is pretty much the case).

[FlaCooln]

I know a shit load of men feel this way. Its not to do with insecurity. Its more to do with purity. Most men prefer to marry say someone who has not had a lot of sexual partners or at least someone who hasn't shagged the neighbourhood. The fact she has slept with a mate brings that a little too close to home for me.

Would you marry a girl that three of your mates have slept with would you? Would you invite them to the wedding to? Lol

3 mates thats a lot...lol...regardless...Yes and Yes. If I liked her, she was intelligent, and attractive that would not stop me. Better she slept 3 dudes I know then 3 random dudes. At least I know my friends and more or less where they have been, lol. But, with my friend circle 3 of us sleeping with the same girl is VERY unlikely..the most for my group is 2 in my/our history. However, I would also factor how she slept with the 3 friends. Was it over an extended period of time or in a month? If it was quick then she would be too "easy" for me.