i slept with my friend's EX-girlfriend

[RollingMoon]

Yea, this has been tearing me up ever since it happened. This weekend i met my friends ex at a bar, i havent seen her in a year, since we've never had any close contact. We both have something i common, and that is that we both got out of a 5 year long relationship which went on at the same time. So we started talking about how we felt about the whole situation of being single,and about all the problems we had in both of our relationships.
We felt that we had some kind of bond together, we talked for hours, and was pretty drunk too. Later she asked me if i wanted to join her and her friends to an afterparty that night, and i said yes. I wanted to keep the conversation going, because i have been struggling ever since i got dumped by my ex, i have been vulnerable and feeling empty for a long time. it has been 3 months, and i feel like im moving on, but at the same time i feel bitter and lonely, cause my ex have already gotten her self a new boyfriend, so it helps to talk about it with someone, and it also helped her alot to talk to me about the breakup with my friend (which has been over 6 month ago).

she told me how bad her last year in the relationship was, i mean my friend was cheating alot in the end, and he even bought prostitutes while he was away on business trips. Apparently he was a real jerk to her, he even hit her a few times. i was shocked to hear how he treated her, i could never imagine him acting like that. But the fact is that he's not really a close friend of mine, i know him through my best friend, and i only meet up with him when he's with my best friend at a party or at the clubs, but i consider him as my friend though, cause i have known this guy for 5 years now, but we're not that close.

at that afterparty we kept on drinking, and she started to make a move on me, i did not even plan to go there when i met her, i only wanted to talk in the first place, but she was making a move on me, so much that we ended up having sex in the bathroomfloor at her friends house. Ever since i got dumped, i have been going out every weekend, drinking and trying to get laid just to make myself feel better and move on from my ex. My judgement on women havent been the strongest lately, so when she started to touch me and turn me on, i couldent resist. I knew it was wrong, and i even asked her before we went on if my friend has gotten over her, she told me he has. she even said that he has found a new one. that just gave more of a reason to continue.

And there is also another reason why i didnt stop. I think its the reason which determined my judgement that night. about a year ago i was away on a vacation , my girlfriend was back home. when i was away she attended a party with my friends and one of them was that guy. She told me that he was staring at her and kept complimenting her on her body, she told me that he was knocking at the bathroomdoor calling for her while she was inside. my ex basically told me that he's behavior was inappropriately for having a girlfriend. he was completly drunk, and was making a move on her.

the thing is, that he apologised to her via my best friend, he did not say it to her personally, and even worse he did not even mention it for me the next time i met him. But the fact is that the whole thing was pathetic, my girlfriend didnt give him any attention at all, so at the end i forgot it and laught about it with her. And i wasnt even mad at him, because he was drunk, and he tends to act stupid for some reason.

He has always been a cool guy to drink with. so after we both got single i forgot about the whole thing.

But that does NOT give me an exuse to have sex with his ex-girlfriend! regardless of what he did or not. If he dont care thats alright, but it goes against everything i belive in. It makes me as bad as he was.

After we had sex we agreed that we wouldent tell anybody about it, not a single soul. She told me that she didnt feel bad about it, and that i shouldent either since i wasnt that close to him. But im hating myself right now, i feel like the scum of the earth after this weekend. And i cant talk about it to anyone, im trying to avoid him, because if i meet him againn im gonna feel like a total shit for doing that, even if its 6 months since the breakup. One does simply not sleep with a friends EX. Its against the bro-code. And now i went against my own principles. I feel like a hypocrite.

I remember how i felt when my ex cheated on me a few years back, she slept with a distance friend of ours while i was sick. i remember how much i wanted to kill that guy, and how much of a piece of shit he was, i cut all contact with him 4 years ago. And now i've become THAT guy!

i really hate my self for sleeping with her. And i did not stop because i thought he was over her, and because he tried to make a move on my ex while we still were together. But i dont know what to do with my guilt, it has been 2 days, i wanna forget the whole thing because it did not mean a thing, and we both were pretty drunk. but a part of me want to be honest with him.

should i tell him what happened and try to explain how bad i feel? or should i just forget the whole thing since the relationship has been over for 6 months and he has foolin around with another girl? I want to be able to have a beer with him without being weird and stuff. do you thing this is just gonna tear up an old wound? will he even care at all?

i dont know, i just need some advice after being a complete jerk

[basilandthyme]

You were single, she was single...and he's clearly moved on....so who cares?? It may have been different if he was heartbroken over her, but he's not so don't worry about it.

When your ex cheated on you, it's understandable that you were furious. But this is not even remotely similar because your mate was no longer with this girl. Besides, surely when your girlfriend cheated, you should have been angry at HER. After all, she's the one who made you promises.

I hope you don't usually beat yourself up like this over stuff in your life. You're being far too unkind to yourself.

[HeartIsAching]

Oh big ****ing deal... you slept with a chick your friend was seeing a year ago. Does he own her in perpetuity? Did he ever own her?

[basilandthyme]

^^^ this. Pretty much what I was trying to say

[4 ratties]

Im sorry but I dont see anything wrong with what happened. Your all grown adults here right? he used to hit and cheat on her. hes nasty, screw him.

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[MrLoyal]

The guy is an asshole. I would have slept with her and told him for punishment.

[FlaCooln]

Dude was a mean SOB and violent, treated her like crap, and not a real friend to you (hit on your exGF). You owe him NOTHING. You two had fun and if you like her do it again.
Honestly man, I would not have a problem with someone dating an exGF because why should I stand in the way of a someone finding love. Obviously, if it were a good friend I would let him know 1st.

I actually had this happen to me though. A friend of mine introduced me to an exGF and we hit it off, so I asked if it was ok and he said go for it. Then, oddly enough a few years later that same friend moved to NY and he ran into her there. He called me and I laughed so hard, then told him to go for it. Kinda weird, but I had no issue with it at all.

I think women have more of an issue with this sort of thing sometimes. But, after I broke up (about 2 years ago) with my longterm GF not even a month later I ran into her friends at a bar and man were they getting REALLY flirty with me. One of them even called me (not sure how she had my number, probably because we all went out as a group at some point). Now, I told her thanks but it was too soon and that I don't think my exGF/your good friend would approve.

[smackie9]

Oh god that's so stupid. You both are adults, single, she has no more ties to the guy, you can boink each other all you want. Just let go already.

[TheEvilJester]

The thing about the bro-code is that it is between bros. Could just be me, but from your story, it sounds like you are just casual friends with this guy. It doesn't sound like you are terribly close. So, that doesn't make you bros. So, he would have no right having an issue with it, especially if he has already moved on and is with somebody else. Not to mention, it sounds like he isn't all that great a guy anyway if he cheated on her and was abusive. Don't beat yourself up. You were two adults who connected and decided to do something about it. No big deal. Heck, even if a relationship were to come of it, you don't owe that guy a single thing.

[smackie9]

Bro code....dumb. Women can choose for themselves whom they want to sleep with. It's not like he held a gun to her head and forced her.

[Smila]

errr.....needless to say the dude was violent and a cheater and what not, that should not be a reason for you to sleep with her..(if you are trying to justify your actions)..

The reason you did it, was because you wanted a nut and got one...END OF STORY....
Man up and stop looking for flimsy excuses....they were off the relationship..AND NO ONE HAS TO KNOW

[hatesthis]

Seems no big deal as long as she didn't have other motives for ****ing you to have it get back to him you never know how long someones hurt and anger lasts and what they are willing to do to get back at another, but if that wasn't the case, no biggie right.

[basilandthyme]

Bigger question is why you have a Bro who's violent? I think you should show better choice in friends.

[michelle23]

That guy treated her like dirt. Hes not worth thinking about. What an a**hole.

Maybe your feeling guilty coz your not over your ex and your not ready to move on. Maybe you should stop getting drunk, stop trying to get laid, stop trying to block out the pain. Deal with it, heal and move on with your life.

There is way too much guilt here for this to just be about some stupid "bro code" especially since you and he are not even friends and the guy is scum

[smackie9]

We are only going by a second hand story. She could be full of shit which some desperate women will do to get sympathy. Maybe she's a lyin skanky ho that likes to manipulate men....who knows?