Messed Up and Missed Out

[MajorRegret]

Hi all,

Was he really the love of my life that I missed out on?

I've known this man my entire life. Even though he flirted in our teens, I started to take interest in him around 17/18. We never dated. I spent a lot of time with his mom (we know each other through church). When he would come home, I would get excited to see him, and after a while he and I both started to show a mutual interest in one another.
As years went by, we lived our lives and saw each other whenever we did attend church. He eventually moved out of state. While I dated other guys I always had him in the back of my mind. Thinking back, we talked on the phone off and on for years. And again, as we lived our lives, lost touch.
Well, he called me a couple of years ago to tell me that he'd like to try dating. It was so hard for me to believe him because I thought of rep as a "flirt" and "ladies man." Funny thing is, I was excited, flattered and scared all at the same time. I didn't want to be hurt by him and I always had a hard time believing his sincerity as well as being too concerned about what others would think - which is crazy because if you asked my best friend, she could tell you how much I talked about this man, the way I blushed when someone mentioned his name. My mind were crowded with thoughts of him...so this was a dream come true for me.

I finally stopped by to see him a few times when he would come home to visit, but never gave him "yes" as far as trying the long distance dating thing. The last time I talked to him in Jan. 2013 I was upset about something else that happened that day and I took it out on him. I knew he was here out of out town and wanted to see me and I never went to see him and was very cold on the phone. I could tell from the inflection in his voice that he was bothered. I was too busy being upset (about something else) and stubborn to call him back and apologize - even if it was the next day. I let an entire year go by.

Well, I just found out last week, that he got married some time last year. My heart stopped. I felt a tingle go through my entire body. Found it hard to breath. I messed up and missed out. I knew he was dating other women. I just took it for granted that I would have another opportunity to see and talk to him and tell him I was sorry and how I REALLY feel about him. I know had an entire year to do so, but I kept imagining him not answering because of the way I treated him the last time we talked. I dont want to love anybody else. I'm sorry for the way I treated him. I'm even more sorry that I don't have another chance. I want to let him go and be happy for him. I just can't help but to feel stupid. I'm not mad that he moved on-he had EVERY RIGHT to. I just can't help feeling the way I do. No pity needed. Just a sincere, man's opinion about whether or not he was sincere and I really messed up.

Did I miss out on marrying the love of my life? How do I let go?

[LittleMadam]

No i dont think you did miss out on marrying the love of your life.
You said you knew him your entire life, so you know if he was genuine or not. I think he was, and you had plenty of opportunities. You didnt act on any.

Now...the fact you know you cant have him -you want him.

Remind yourself of all the reasons as to why you turned down his advances in the past.
Move on yourself. There is nothing else you can do really.
If you were meant to be married, you would be.

[MajorRegret]

Thank you for your reply and honesty.

[michelle23]

Stop dwelling on the past. Move on and meet someone else. Life is too short for all these "what ifs". If you really were meant to be thrn it would have happened years ago so stop feeling sorry for yourself.