Please...need advice

[kybandit]

I really need advice on my situation..I met my fiancee roughly 17 months ago..We lived 2 hr apart so we saw each other mainly on the days she was off work and it worked..As we progressed, I kept having a gut feeling she still had a flame for her ex, a man she dated for several yrs and a man that she was head over heels in love with, and also been broke up with for 2 yrs...3 months into our dating I snooped on her cell phone to reassure my self he was only a friend like she proclaimed and I saw a very sexual comment made by him to her so I went no farther reading, got my things and left her house...After I confronted her about this, she was more tore up about me snooping so early into our relationship and down played the comment made by him saying," He's never said anything like this before and I'll tell him it's inappropriate". Later into us, I found out she was textn and talking to him, confronted her and she denied it profusely...About 1 hr into our discussion, and her figuring out I knew, she confessed the lie and promised no more lies...About 3 weeks later, I asked her if she had contacted him and she said know, but I wasn't snooping but found where she had been emailing him, yet another lie...After confronting her again, she confessed and saying her apologizes and said it wouldn't happen again...Less than 2 months later we were on the beach, I left my phone/camera in the room so I asked to borrow hers to take some pics..I went to her camera and WOW...A picture of her ex in her pictures with his pecker in his hand all stretched out like a centerfold...After I confronted her, she said she didn't know how that pic got in her pictures, me knowing she had to download it... We broke up briefly over this but I couldn't stay long simply because I do love her...We got back together and decided to move in with each other...Less than 2 months of living together, I saw she was txtn, I asked her who she was txn and she replied, Jenn on Face book, me knowing it wasn't Face book..When we got home I asked her if she had contacted her ex and she said no..After a brief argument I went to her call records and sure enough, she lied again. she had been txtn him for a while...We made a deal, if we txt or ex's, we wouldn't erase the txts...She has said from day 1 about her ex that their conversations are surface level only but I've seen nothing but the opposite...She says she cares for him because they became friends after they broke up but I see different...Just 3 days ago, he came back up and sure enough, she quit txtn him and was sending him emails for their chats..And again she erased the messages...I'm torn and need advice..I don't want to over react and break it off because I do love her, am I being to hard on her..She says we need trust and I agree but I need to see that she has no fire for him and in fact their conversations are surface level only, I feel betrayed..Is that the wrong feeling??? I truly need outside opinions...

[frontiermarine]

she is playing games with you,she kept lying to you despite the evidence by playing dumb and not knowing how e.g that picture ended up on her phone or the sexual message that the ex had sent to her, it was good that you had broken up with her ,but you've gone back to her and she now sees that she can get away with continuing to talk with her ex and lie to you,and that she's in control of the relationship, you need to find someone who is respectful and loyal to you, you may still be in love with her but ask yourself this,are you sure that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who treats you like this?at what you've gone through it will be tough to trust her and will only cause more problems in the future,life is short,you deserve someone better,the choice is yours

[MandoulinaBrown]

here is my outside opinion. if she really and truly cares about you, she wouldn't text him anymore knowing that it has caused the two of you to break up once. she should cut all contact with him. she told once that their conversations are surface level and then you found that picture! you never know what happens behind your back. I'd say confront her again and tell her to cut all contact with that man, it is either you or him, because to me, it sounds what she is doing is cheating. and NO, you are NOT being too hard on her! you're being too hard on yourself!

[KristinFromTx]

Hun, you need to take another look at your relationship with this girl. I know you love her, but it seems to me that she doesn't feel the same about you. What she's doing is wrong, especially the constant lying and trying to sneak behind your back. What would she do if you were doing the same thing to her? Clearly she's not over her ex, and neither of them have respect for your relationship. How'd you get engaged to this girl?? I feel bad for you, and I've been in your shoes. Constantly worrying about your gf/bf is no way to have a relationship, and you have absolutely zero trust for this girl. How do you expect to have a loving and stable marriage? If she loves you, and wants to marry you, she should completely cut her ex out of your lives. There's no need for sexual texting and nude pictures.

Lay it all out on the table, give her an ultimatum, and STOP giving her so many chances to disappoint you. You seem like a nice guy, and you deserve so much better!!!