Mixed family's! Advice please

[Msash09p]

Hardest type of relationship ever! I am with a man 8 years older then me he has two children 7&6 both boys I have a son 1 and they run us over something's! My bf doesn't want to put his foot down and make his children listen because when him and there mother first broke up the kid got into trouble a lot because tree mom would tell my bf and he would have to punish them they didn't want to come over anymore so he stopped punishing them all together which while they are here has made it very hard to keep them under control they pretty much run the house and I feel like I am constantly telling them to stop. Don't quite when they are old enough to know betters! But this isn't my job it's there parents how can I tell my bf our kids are out of control without making it seem like I'm picking in his kids! My gets in a lot of trouble but he is only one his kids know better

[MandoulinaBrown]

you should ask him to spend more time with them when they are at your place, so he can tell them to behave

[Msash09p]

When they are here it is all five of us he just doesn't want them to not want to come over

[cookies27]

You need to have a serious conversation with him and let him know that he is the adult, not his children. If you're going to live in a house altogether, the way the house runs needs to be on par with BOTH of you, not just him.

I come from a family that is similar, and my parents somehow managed to make it work. It takes time and dedication and you need to be firm with him that if he expects the relationship to work, you have to come to an agreement on how the disciplinary action will work. Letting kids rule the roost isn't going to do anything but turn them into spoiled brats.

Best of luck! x

[Msash09p]

That and I think that we all need to take it as a team project I don't ask for much just no back talking or mocking which his youngest has done to me and it makes me furious! And pick up after yourself! But I can't even get my bf to do the last one half the time!

[basilandthyme]

OK, it's time for you to enforce some boundaries. It's time for the "I love you and your kids, but their behaviour is unacceptable to me and I will not continue with you if things don't change".

You MUST put yourself and your own child above the relationship with him. Think forward to when his boys are 17 and 16....if they are out of control now, imagine what they'll be like when they are teenagers. Not to mention that your child will grow up seeing you being disrespected and think it's OK. Make no mistake, these older boys are role models.

[HeartIsAching]

^^^Yep, yep and yep.

[basilandthyme]

That and I think that we all need to take it as a team project I don't ask for much just no back talking or mocking which his youngest has done to me and it makes me furious! And pick up after yourself! But I can't even get my bf to do the last one half the time!

Oh, and it's not a team project. It's his job to parent his sons and it's his job to do it properly.

The only thing to be cautious of is the issue about your boyfriend picking up after himself. You've moved into his house and (presumably) you knew he was messy. It's unrealistic to move into someone's house and expect them to change. Though that argument could well be used about his parenting methods too. In short, if you're not happy, then you break up and move back out.

[Msash09p]

It is a team project for all of is to grow and learn together on how to keep things clean and helping! He did pick up before I moved in but between being layed off Christmas and my things this house is now cramped! Once he started work again he stopped picking up after himself! And it is something we all do everyone starts a bad habit and just because I moved into his house it doesn't change that we shoul all pick up after our selves after asking me to move in and me helping with bills and babysitting it is something that I find it's no long his house it is our home and helping isn't going to kill him an agrument is something that happens but doesn't mean it can't help change idk if it's just me but ur point on it seems a bit crappy

[basilandthyme]

With regards to a 'team effort' I thought you were referring to disciplining his children and teaching them respect as a team. Just to clarify: It's his job to discipline and enforce manners. It's your job to simply be a good role model.

When it comes to picking up, it's also about seeing what other contributions he makes to the house. I will confess to leaving stuff around....and my hubby picks up after me. But I clean and I swear he'd never do anything about a dirty bath, toilet or floor and I do that without complaint. Hubby has long accepted that I simply don't see mess and I've long accepted that he doesn't see dirt. Pulling together doesn't necessarily mean we all have to contribute in the same way.