she is upset about last night

[ingalls]

Last night ago my girlfriend and I were laying in my bed and I was giving her a back massage. Eventually she told me she wanted to have sex so I got a rubber. She said "rub my back a bit more first" and I did for about 10 minutes, then I said "alright lets fu**"

We did and afterwards she went home to shower and all that. Well today she was upset because she felt that all I wanted was sex last night. I said "you were the one that came on to me" and she said "you didn't even bother rubbing my back"

I told her "are you serious? I rubbed it for ten minutes, before that it was for like 15"

basically she is upset that I didn't do more for her.

Am I seriously in the wrong?

[TheEvilJester]

I think the females of this board will have to chime in on this one. They can probably give you better advice. For my part, I have a few qualifying questions. In giving her a back rub, did you do it well, or did you kind of do it in a way that shows you just wanted to get it over with and get to the action? Not saying you are guilty of that, by the way... I am just asking. That may be one reason why she was upset. Maybe she thought you were kind of half-arsing it just to get to the fun time. After all, I would say a grand total of 25 minutes is a pretty long back rub.

I also can imagine that maybe it was the abruptness of your request that upset her. Did you actually put it like that? She may have wanted you to sort of more naturally work up to the actual sex. Instead of rubbing her back a while, then basically just saying "Okay, sex now," maybe use the backrub as a way to work up into sex. Again, making sure you don't just jump straight into the sex, but actually give her a good, long backrub first. So, again, that could maybe be what upset her.

But, I can't be sure. Again, thinking perhaps the female members could help you out a bit more here.

[FlaCooln]

Use more tact next time. Good back rub (nice massage oil is a must), rub her for awhile then work the legs and butt, get to the more private regions, some oral (happy ending), then bust out the rubber/sex. You were just a bit brash with the whole thing. Just because you know you are going to get some don't rush it and let her build/warm up to it. Sometimes delaying "gratification" is a good thing for the both of you.

IMHO a massage should transition naturally and slowly into sex. FYI 25 minutes is not that long of a massage, I usually give my GF at least 30 sometimes I loose track and it is a hour +. But, it is sooooo worth it for me in the end .

[searock]

Oh jeez... so clueless. Clearly you just gave her a back rub so that you could eventually get sex. You didn't want to give her a back rub, you just did it for the sex. Also, did you skip foreplay completely?! If this is what you regularly do, I'm amazed she even suggested sex at all. If you're just going to use her vagina as a masturbation aid, you might as well use your own hand.

[ingalls]

No i wasnt brash about it. we always do foreplay but we didnt last night. she was just like "get a condom" ..i went to put my hand down her pants but she said, no lets just fu**.....

i didn't really say "ok let's fu**" , it was more i stopped rubbing her back, tried sticking my hands down her pants

[searock]

Well d'uh, she clearly could tell that you wanted to just stick it in.

[FlaCooln]

Well then, I think you were just responding to her and did nothing wrong.

[dem862]

Some women are very difficult and slow to become aroused. She is trying to blame you for her lack of desire. That is really unfair of her.

[Wakeup]

Last night ago my girlfriend and I were laying in my bed and I was giving her a back massage. Eventually she told me she wanted to have sex so I got a rubber. She said "rub my back a bit more first" and I did for about 10 minutes, then I said "alright lets fu**"

We did and afterwards she went home to shower and all that. Well today she was upset because she felt that all I wanted was sex last night. I said "you were the one that came on to me" and she said "you didn't even bother rubbing my back"

I told her "are you serious? I rubbed it for ten minutes, before that it was for like 15"

basically she is upset that I didn't do more for her.

Am I seriously in the wrong?

What does it matter if you were right or wrong. The bottom line is if you do what she needs in order for her to be relaxed and horny enough to initiate, then just bloody do it. Win/Win.

Women don't just get horny thinking about it. Most of us need to be primed in which ever way works for the individual. Heed that advise, never stop flirting and seducing because if you do, you'll be one of those men that comes on here complaining that their wife/girlfriend never wants it.

BTW: Next time no need to say "lets ****" just give her the extra 10/15 minutes of what she's asked for and then role her over and do her after giving her an orgasm (before entering her) You can talk dirty to her while you're doing it or once she shows you clearly in actions that she's ready for you.

The sad thing is that most men don't realize that the happier you make her this time.... the more she will want you next time in perpetuation.

Adding: As an example... follow Dick's recipe (below)

[dickriculous]

While your gf is being pretty cunty about this, there are things you can do to make the bedroom a more fun place to be. For example, next time she says "get a rubber" or whatever, don't. Instead, tease her, take some time to build anticipation. Make her literally beg you to go balls deep inside her. There is a time and a place to just abruptly ravage your lover and in this instance the mood was all wrong for that.

For example, when she said "let's have sex" instead of going for it right then and there you could have started kissing the back of her neck, working your way down to her pussy and tease her by moving down her inner thighs, barely flicking your tongue over her pussy as you come back up and work your way around her hips, etc. Control your pace and pay careful attention to the way she reacts to each stroke, where she responds the most strongly to each kiss, etc.

The second time around, instead of saying "let's ****" that would have been another opportune time to start at the beginning of he previous paragraph.

[smackie9]

Ya she's one of those stupid bitches that thinks you should just "know" what she actually wants and took offense that you didn't. In her immature female brain she felt you don't love her enough and it must have been just for the sake of sex.

Next time don't be mislead by what she tells you and take your time with it.

[Wakeup]

Oh, well IMO: He should know the basics and what most (all?) woman need without asking her. (Unless she's his first of course and then he'll learn along the way with her) It's what makes a good lover, good. The only thing she should be telling him is to guide him once he's taken the initiative if he's not hitting the right spot(s).

[dickriculous]

Oh, well IMO: He should know the basics and what most (all?) woman need without asking her. (Unless she's his first of course and then he'll learn along the way with her) It's what makes a good lover, good. The only thing she should be telling him is to guide him once he's taken the initiative if he's not hitting the right spot(s).

I think we're all on the same page in that regard. When I say she's being cunty about it I'm not talking about her being displeased that he wasn't a world class lover that night, I'm talking about the way she told him she wanted him to **** her, he tried to do it, then she said "no rub my back more", he did it, and the one time he finally decides to do what he wants here she is cunting it up with him over it. This also leads me to wonder if she thinks sex should be all about her pleasure without paying any heed to his needs, since at least in this instance she is freaking out over him not giving her exactly what she wanted (even though he gave her what she said she wanted) without indicating that she paid so much as a fleeting thought to what she could have done to rock his world.

If she is always the one bending over backwards to make sex great for him and he never reciprocates then and only then does her complaining makes sense but that doesn't sound like anything that's going on here (though a little more backstory from OP about their sex life would help provide more perspective on this) and even if it were she could be communicating a lot more effectively than this.

One thing I won't tolerate in a relationship is entitlement issues. I've learned the hard way that tolerating them out of your partner will eventually (if not immediately) come around to bite you in the ass. Hard. It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when.

[Wakeup]

I think we're all on the same page in that regard. When I say she's being cunty about it I'm not talking about her being displeased that he wasn't a world class lover that night, I'm talking about the way she told him she wanted him to **** her, he tried to do it, then she said "no rub my back more", he did it, and the one time he finally decides to do what he wants here she is cunting it up with him over it. This also leads me to wonder if she thinks sex should be all about her pleasure without paying any heed to his needs, since at least in this instance she is freaking out over him not giving her exactly what she wanted (even though he gave her what she said she wanted) without indicating that she paid so much as a fleeting thought to what she could have done to rock his world.

If she is always the one bending over backwards to make sex great for him and he never reciprocates then and only then does her complaining makes sense but that doesn't sound like anything that's going on here (though a little more backstory from OP about their sex life would help provide more perspective on this) and even if it were she could be communicating a lot more effectively than this.

One thing I won't tolerate in a relationship is entitlement issues. I've learned the hard way that tolerating them out of your partner will eventually (if not immediately) come around to bite you in the ass. Hard. It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when.

Intitlement issues?

One thing I've learned in a 30+ year relationshp that keeps the sex fresh and exciting is knowing that my pleasure is his first priority while his pleasre is also mine. Its give/give not give/take. There is nothing like a lover who gets off on their partners pleasure. It usually makes for a good experience.

[dickriculous]

Intitlement issues?

One thing I've learned in a 30+ year relationshp that keeps the sex fresh and exciting is knowing that my pleasure is his first priority while his pleasre is also mine. Its give/give not give/take. There is nothing like a lover who gets off on their partners pleasure. It usually makes for a good experience.

I agree, but only because of the part in bold and that's what appears to be missing in OP's equation.