Should I get over him?

[Reina]

I'm having this love trouble that i don't know what to do and I'm feeling so mized up right now. Please read my story and give me your opinion.
Well, I'm a japanese girl 18 years old but i don't have much experience in love and here's my story:
It all happens just recently about my feeling towards my friend, Sam. I've known him about a year now cus we're in the same class(same college of course). At first, i rarely talked to him but months later, i felt so very close to him indeed. He's such a sweet boy, i gotta tell plus he's smart, gregarious and he really got a cute smile going for him. The more i get close to him to more my feeling starts to feel weird about him. Soon lately, i know that's not the right emotion that i used to have for him. Do i fall in love with him now?? i don't know, i guess it's not what we call love huh?? It's so confused to me cuz i try to deny that it's not a love. It's just a crush right?? You know, It feels so bad whenever seeing him talking to another girls in class and immediately i just get upset and tho i've tried to smile, it really tear me up on the inside. I just want him to care about me only. It wasn't until last week the time that we had to work together in a group for our assignment( with 3 more friends in the group tho). We were so close and we did many things , we worked, we smiled, we laughed and we had fun. By this time, i guess he knows that i've feelings for him and what surprise me most is hmm.. well 2 days ago, we chatted and he gave me signs that he wanted to be my boyfriend and asked whether i love him or not. I dare not to answer his question but feeling so confused again.
I think this story might drives you up the wall and ask me why don't i just accept him as my boyfriend and everything will be going on the right track.

Well, there happens to be this guy,Andy, whom i know from the net and we've known for a year as well. He's incredible and his words always makes me feel happy. We don't only chat online but he always calls me like 3 or 4 times a week. He's a japanese too but living in Italia. And i gotta tell, he's about 25 and he's reaching his master degree now. During the time i know him, i told myself that he's the right guy for me and i've been ignoring the other boys in class for him. The thing is that he's coming back to Japan today and of course to meet me.

What should i do now?? Do you think i should get over Sam? For me, half of my mind is wanting to get over him but another half is No way!!I really don't wanna ruin my friendship with him too and to tell the truth i'm afraid of losing him. What about Andy? I really feel close with him and of course i can't just ignore him for he crossed the ocean just to meet me. I know it's inappropriate to have two great guys at the same time. Am just being selfish, aren't I?

At the moment, i really feel so hurt.Don't know what i suppose to do and i'm just waisting my time, waiting for Sam to text message or drop me a line. I really have no one to share so please help me.!! I'm really looking forward to hearing your advice and so sorry for my boring story. It's the only way to do otherwise i'll only cry with my diary. I won't mind if you blame for being a bad girl but please don't leave me for i badly need your opinion.

Reina.

[Tone]

Well you have to decide which guy is better for you. Sounds like Sam is more of an infatuation... sounds like you know Andy on a bit more of a personal level. We can't decide for you, so you just need some time to think about which of the 2 you want to pursue.

Try to think of which one would be better for you in the long run. That charming smile Sam has might not be so charming after awhile if you find out he has personality traits that drive you crazy. I dunno.. it's all up to you. Just find out which personality you click with more.

[TAVS]

I dont have time for a detailed response so I'll just say Tone had good comments, consider them.

[shh!]

You are only 18, and so it is normal to find multiple people interesting. If you have made no commitment to either guy, you have done nothing wrong. Just be careful to avoid giving either guy the wrong impression about your intentions, and don't make any promises you cannot keep.

Personally, I think that at your age, you ought to be exploring your options and learning about what qualities you like or dislike about men in general in order to prepare yourself for choosing a quality mate later on, and should not be tied to any one person.

Also, a word of warning - I think it is kind of odd that a guy would ask you if you love him before you have even dated him. Be careful with that one.

[Reina]

Thanks you guys!! i really appreciate your comments, i completely know that I'm the only person who can make this decision. But, just to be honest, deciding which one is gotta be a huge thing i've never imagined myself doing. Sure, Sam is more of an infatuation plus my crush for him has just started while I really know more about Andy. Well, to me of course that doesn't mean that i should choose Andy. You know what, last night, after feeling miserable,lonely and posting my story here, one thing that really bring a joy back to my life. Sam's number appeared on my phone screen. That's right he called me; i gotta say that was the most excited moment liked ever now!! We talked about 4 hours on the phone, i don't know but we kept on moving on from this to that.. But the huge step was , you know, he actually confessed his love for me and said that he'd a crush for me liked 8 months ago. I really felt floating in the air back then, it was not me the only one who felt that. Sam is really getting deep down there in my heart and i'm sure you know what it feels like to have a crush on someone and he or she tells you that they want the same thing. He did asked me back about my feeling towards him tho i didn't give him my exact feeling. He ended conversation by saying "I'll dream of you my love as i always do, I love you." That bottom line of him is completely all over me.

If you ask me do i love Sam? i might not know how to answer, but if you ask me to let Sam goes away to other girl; surely i do have the answer for that.

I guess i should let time goes on first!don't you think? Sam and I actually will have a date tomorrow night, oh god!! i want to get to know him more first!! If i date 2 pp at the same time just want to find out the right person who i gotta choose! do you think it's ok?

[shh!]

If you are dating more than one person at a time, just be sure nobody is expecting that you are exclusive, and I don't personally have a problem with it. And again, be careful about the one claiming to love you when you haven't even dated...

[Tone]

Also - doesn't Andy live far away and he's just coming back to see you for a visit?

That would be enough to make my decision there. You sound like you're totally into Sam, he's there where you are, sounds like he's the one you're gonna go after.

[AdminOnline]

Thread moved to "Dating talk"

[MajorGlory]

Hey my lady you know it happened so many times, people chattin online and fallin in love till they meet and nothing is the way they thought. Fact is loving someone implies an essential physical knowledge so you can for sure have a wonderful mind tuning with a person met online but it could really dissolve when you meet them.
Moreover your netfriend lives far away.. frankly if youre still in time I would discourage him to come and visit, first because for you it will just reveal painful and even more confusing secondly because if he crosses the ocean to meet you hes expecting much from you my lady.
If you can avoid having him visit you in the nicest way possible.. I think net friends should just remain what they are unless they live next door. Its better for both believe me darlin.
As for Sam I dont see why to be suspicious if he claims to love you even though you two never dated. I mean you know since a year and go to the same class, why should he be lying? doesnt he know her enough to be in love with her?
Between these two guys the one to try is for sure Sam, though like everyone he could turn out to be a failure- but thats the last thing I wish you my lady. Just stay always up whatever happens, your so young and life will give you thousands other opportunities if this one wont work.
hug darlin