It happens to us all...and most of us more than once.

[Cerby]

The reason I came to this forum over 3 years ago was because I was dumped, hurt, and didn't know how to handle it. I was dumped in a harsh way and my emotions were all over the place. A few months later, I met someone new, and we have been together since.

In nearly three years, our fights have been countable on one hand. We share lots of commonalities, as well as lots of differences. We have been on some amazing vacations and had some amazing times. We live together and have for almost a year now and we have (seemingly) had no problems. And this is where this story turns sour...

Tonight, we ordered in and watched a movie. It was a quieter-than-normal Saturday night, but a nice relaxing evening. After the movie, she pours a drink and heads in to the bedroom. I head to the office to shut down for the night and get ready for bed. Out of nowhere, she walks in to the office as I'm writing an email and point blank says "I love you, and I respect you, but I am not in love with you, and haven't been for some time. I'm going to a friends for a couple of days to figure myself out". I realize she already has a bag packed and she is ready to leave. She starts to cry, gives me a hug, and then walks out the door.

I am completely shocked. I have no words for what happened or why, just that it did. I hope that in her time alone over the next few days she comes to a realization that three years in, the honeymoon phase is over and the long term relationship has begun. Perhaps she is mistaking steadiness with a loss of emotion. I don't know.

There is no question here, just letting those of you who are hurting know that it happens to everyone. Sometimes you can see it coming, other times it just hits you from the blind side.

[searock]

I'm sorry Cerby. Hope she comes around. Was this her first long-term relationship?

[basilandthyme]

(((hugs))) to you Cerbs

[vashti]

Aww, jeez. It's so awful to be blind-sided. Do you have friends/family nearby to keep you busy?

[KingZ]

I am completely shocked. I have no words for what happened or why, just that it did. I hope that in her time alone over the next few days she comes to a realization that three years in, the honeymoon phase is over and the long term relationship has begun. Perhaps she is mistaking steadiness with a loss of emotion. I don't know.

Man, getting blind-sided is so awful! I had a girlfriend pull this one, but without telling me. Just one night, she decided to not come home. Turned her phone off, no Facebook, no call, nothing. Left the dog outside. Scared me to death. Drove up and down the highway all night looking for an accident.

She ended up staying at a motel for a while, also to "figure [her]self out". You can rest assured that it's pretty much over. The damage done from suggesting breakup is nearly irreversible anyway.

Go buy yourself a nice pair of running shoes. Exercise will be your savior in the next 6 months.

Sorry to hear, man.

[haxan]

It's over, without a doubt. Probably some other guy already is emotionally if not physically connected to her. It sucks, but I'm sure that there were signs that you ignored or just didn't pick up on. "Settling in" isn't a good term imo. A great relationship always feels fresh to a large degree.

[Cerby]

Aww, jeez. It's so awful to be blind-sided. Do you have friends/family nearby to keep you busy?

Yea, they're not super close, but not so far that I can't drive out there or have them visit.

It's over, without a doubt. Probably some other guy already is emotionally if not physically connected to her. It sucks, but I'm sure that there were signs that you ignored or just didn't pick up on. "Settling in" isn't a good term imo. A great relationship always feels fresh to a large degree.

Emotionally maybe, but she has more integrity than that. Last long-term relationship that she was in she just "ended" it the same way because she didn't think it was fair to keep it going, not because there was someone else. This looks like the same situation. It's funny, only 6 months ago we were selling off all of her stuff in storage because she was convinced that we were set in stone. **Edit - In hindsight, some clues WERE there, but I didn't take them seriously. She asked a couple of months back if I wanted to see a counsellor with her to talk about our compatibility for the long term. I agreed, but she never brought it up again.

Heartbreak sucks, but this isn't new any more. No desperate drunken calls or pathetic texts, no begging or pleading, just reality. When she comes to take her stuff we'll probably talk it out and decide to finally part ways.

Go buy yourself a nice pair of running shoes. Exercise will be your savior in the next 6 months.

Yep, it is time to double up the mileage on my feet for a bit, maybe lose the 10lbs that I gained over the past few years.

[pcmaster]

Cerby why shouldnt you trow pride to the side and go to her to get this clear. Like does she went to someOne or shes alone? Does she know about loveforum? If so I can PM her and ask instead of you. What is your both age and previous relationship background before?

I remember you said she pays her rent share and dont do much with her life. At least shes not boss like you. Maybe reaching for her valet to pay rent was what made her pussy dry up for you.
Could you become lazy in relationship and stoped to do crazy things? If she havent cheated you could work harder and actually get her back.

[KingZ]

In hindsight, some clues WERE there, but I didn't take them seriously. She asked a couple of months back if I wanted to see a counsellor with her to talk about our compatibility for the long term.

I HATE this. There's that stage where you're going to overanalyze every aspect of the relationship and realize that the red flags were there. Then you feel really stupid for not seeing it before.

It's funny, how you always think you're the exception, and her break-up patterns will somehow stop with you.

[goodmorning]

That sucks. Strange that not fighting very often doesnt preclude a breakup. At least she was honest. If you are in love with her it might be time for her to hear that.


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[pcmaster]

And a new day will dawn for those who stand long,
And the forests will echo with laughter.

Cerby this story reminds storie from MensHealth magazine. Basicaly guy get dumped and he realized how far he had slipped from school rugby years so he got back in shape and got himself new fantastic girlfriend. Then he wanted to shake his ex hand cause his life went on so much better without her. Sucsess is best revenge.

[Cerby]

She came and went. We talked for about 30 minutes today about what is happening and where she is. This is the second longest relationship she has been in, and the most serious by a margin.

She just wants time to think. She is at a friends place right now and will be until she decides. She doesn't know what she feels, she was bawling and struggling to speak, but her message was clear - "Give me time to sort myself out, I'll let you when I know what is happening with my emotions. Don't wait for me, I don't know how much time I need."

She took a week worth of clothing and all her lady stuff. I walked her to her car, she said she "loves me" who knows how many times, and said that right now, she "just doesn't know if that is enough".

I'm not one to be left on the hook. I need time to figure myself out too. I didn't see this coming, so I missed something along the way. But reality can be a bitch, and I'll survive.

[pcmaster]

Okay in the end of the day girls are silly and you realy have to stay grounded. She might want you but once she got all of you she get bored. So chasing her wont do much good. Cerby, Best you can do is thank all the posts above and watch first video in my break up guide and then just go back doing things that used to give you strenght.

[Cerby]

Okay in the end of the day girls are silly and you realy have to stay grounded. She might want you but once she got all of you she get bored. So chasing her wont do much good. Cerby, Best you can do is thank all the posts above and watch first video in my break up guide and then just go back doing things that used to give you strenght.

Yep, I've been here before. Luckily the co-dependence factor isn't a part of the situation, I've grown past that. This is her making a decision that she needs to make, and she is mature enough to make the right one. *whatever it may be.

Thanks for all the input LF, I'll hurt for a bit, but I'll work past it and be stronger once I recover.

[HeartIsAching]

The reason I came to this forum over 3 years ago was because I was dumped, hurt, and didn't know how to handle it. I was dumped in a harsh way and my emotions were all over the place. A few months later, I met someone new, and we have been together since.

In nearly three years, our fights have been countable on one hand. We share lots of commonalities, as well as lots of differences. We have been on some amazing vacations and had some amazing times. We live together and have for almost a year now and we have (seemingly) had no problems. And this is where this story turns sour...

Tonight, we ordered in and watched a movie. It was a quieter-than-normal Saturday night, but a nice relaxing evening. After the movie, she pours a drink and heads in to the bedroom. I head to the office to shut down for the night and get ready for bed. Out of nowhere, she walks in to the office as I'm writing an email and point blank says "I love you, and I respect you, but I am not in love with you, and haven't been for some time. I'm going to a friends for a couple of days to figure myself out". I realize she already has a bag packed and she is ready to leave. She starts to cry, gives me a hug, and then walks out the door.

I am completely shocked. I have no words for what happened or why, just that it did. I hope that in her time alone over the next few days she comes to a realization that three years in, the honeymoon phase is over and the long term relationship has begun. Perhaps she is mistaking steadiness with a loss of emotion. I don't know.

There is no question here, just letting those of you who are hurting know that it happens to everyone. Sometimes you can see it coming, other times it just hits you from the blind side.

Oh man, that so sucks. I'm really sorry to hear this.

IMNSO, Hollywood has ruined another relationship with unreasonable expectations.