33 YO Male Virgin

[xMasochizm]

I have a guy friend who's 33 and a virgin. He doesn't put any effort into his appearance and insists on internet dating. He has been unsuccessful and is constantly bitching to me about how women are the whiners who complain about not finding love when he's the one complaining about how it's all a woman's fault.

It seems that every conversation we've had in the last few months has been all about his crappy dating experiences, and I'm becoming bored of the rut he's fallen into. How can I help him to understand that his lack of success is due entirely to his own laziness? He's a sensitive person, and this particular issue seems to rub him the wrong way often, I don't want to offend him. However, he has GOT to move forward because this is becoming redundant.

[HDBadger]

His lack of success is not due entirely to his own laziness. It sounds like his laziness is certainly a part of it, but the modern dating scene is atrocious, and women are responsible for about half of this climate.

My point is this: He should try to improve himself for him, and no one else. And you shouldn't chastise him for expressing very real frustrations with dating and relationships. If he isn't in the top 10 percent of guys (tall, good looking, wealthy, etc.), dating will be a brutal series of rejections that make the whole process not very much fun.

Instead of trying to change him or get him to stop complaining, you should show a little compassion. It sounds like you have no idea what dating is like for the average guy.

[pcmaster]

No way sane person will try to change him. Suggest him theraphy and tell him to stop whining to you cause you are not interested. It will take a lot of time and some knowledge to actually make him see/accept the truth.

[dickriculous]

Can't help someone who doesn't want help and when he comes whining to you all the time it's not because he wants help, it's because he wants sympathy.

To be honest I simply avoid people like that as much as I can. I'm not entirely without sympathy for them but I understand that for my own good and to get myself ahead I need to be surrounded by people I admire and it's hard to admire someone who makes himself out to be some tragic victim all the time.

People like this are toxic and if they're going to change they have to find it within themselves. If you try to pull him out of his abyss he's more likely to pull you in than you are to pull him out. Best to just let him wallow in his own self-pity, cry about how unfair society is (as if it's been any better to most of us but he will delude himself into thinking that because of one factor or another his case is "special"), blame the opposite sex for everything, etc while you worry about yourself and the people who can actually enrich your life in some way.

When he comes to you and asks "what can I do to improve my situation? Is there anything you can do to nudge me in the right direction?" that's when maybe it's worthwhile for you to try and help him.

Until then, if you want to be nice to him the best thing you can do is provide a listening ear, let him pour his heart out, etc. Seems that's what he really wants anyway.

[pcmaster]

Good advice from Dick again. But listening to your friend negativity will just bring you down to his level. Its not your job to listen to this, selfrespecting girls dont do that. More effective is give one warning and actualy simply turn back and walk away without saying anything once it starts again.

[Exeter19]

you'd think not wanting to be a 34 year old virgin next would be his incentive for change! he cannot be happy with himself and his life as it is that misery should be his motivator. is he sensitive or does he just not want anyone to discuss real things with him so then he can hide from the truth and never make any changes for the better? i'd tell him don't let the "too sensitive" stop you. time for this dude to get to changing his life and live.