How to cope forgive and get over what my boyfriend did.

[itstillhurts]

I have been in a relationship with a guy since I am 17. It started of a long distance relationship. He wooed me charmed me into believing this was real. Pretty soon I realized he had things going on on the side. When I confronted him about this he promised to keep it clean. That never happened I only got sucked in deeper into the mes while he continued to do his thing flirting with other girls creating profiles on various social networks claiming to b single and available.All this while himself being extremely possessive. He stopped me from talking to all of my friends. Cut me off completely from all social networks where i could have any interaction from any male friend. I found reasons to accept this behavior because I thought he was away and did not know me very long before we started dating. He moved to my city in a years time so we could be together. The time was blissful because he was my world by now. Completely closed off to the outside world. Meanwhile this got messy at home because of my parents opposition I continued this relationship at the cost of loosing out on my parents.

On one such occasion I knew he was lying I was so tired of it all I decided to take revenge and give him a taste of his own medicine. I went of to another guy but couldn't go through with it...I was hurt and furious but I loved him....we spent a few months apart and we got back together.

We spent the next 5 yrs in the same city with similar situations cropping up time and again. He couldn't stop his cheating spree at any point in the time we spent together. so there's no excuse that he was unhappy or he wasn't getting what he wanted. I was young and naive and not experienced. I don't know if he wanted more. But if he was unsatisfied he always had the option to walk off and continue with the several other girls he had. He never let me go had me as a spare tyre always. He became abusive physically and even emotionally. He verbally abused me and called me w**** for the smallest reasons possible. I have only been in this relationship and never been with any other guy before.

After we graduated he moved back to his hometown back to the long distance. I actually believed dat we were in a gud place in our relationship. I trusted him not blindly but after everything we had been through I knew that atleast now that hes is working, stable and not a kid anymore things would change and improve. I trusted him my mistake. IN December 2012 sometime I decided to end things because since my bday on and off I have to beg and fite cause he refused to give me his time or attention. He had to sleep early and when he had to go party wih friends he could stay up late. or he would promise to talk but fite and not talk anyway. It made me insecure and i believed there was another girl at his workplace. He denied there being another girl at all. But since I could not handle it anymore I decided its best to finally let go. Jan 2013 we hardly spoke except on a few occasions where he always maintained there is no other girl and he only still loves me and will wait for me. On 14th Feb 2013 I hopelessly tried to call him both his numbers were switched off. The next day he called me up to say he was out with a male friend as he was depressed and did not want to b alone. March April he spoke to me making the same promises he used to make before. We were more in touch and he as actually trying to communicate more ad make time for me. End f May 2013 he had another international trip planned with his family. he called me to ask what all I wanted I refused as I wasn't his gf anymore. But he said ur my wife I wont let anyone have u and brought back a lot f stuff for me. wen he got back by first week f June he was supposed to b home alone as his parents has extended their trip. he claimed as his wife i should be there to look after him and cook for him. Anyway by this time I had planned to suprise him for his bday end f June. So i cudnt prepone my trip.

He was shocked out f his mind to see me standing in his house. I told him to prove to me that whatever he told me over the last six months f being true commited and being away from his usual nonsense was true. That was the reason i decided to give this another shot. He couldnt prove it. He ran and hid himself in the bathroom and deleted whatever he cud from hid fone and all. Anway during that trip his parents had asked me if i want to get married to him and that i shuld ask him about taking the next step. I did and he said he wanted to. I spent the next six months blissfully luking at rings wedding gowns reception ideas. In June 2014 i spoke to one of his colleagues who told me that during the time that we broke up and my boyfriend claimed to b clear he was with another girl. I confronted my boyfriendd with this new information and he accepted but he said it was only restricted to friendship and strted only because we had broke up. I traced that girl and asked her for the truth because I knew my guy wud lie. She told me how it strted. Here goes....


He met her at the airport on an international trip in Jan 2012. He gave her his contact details and she promptly contacted him a few days later. He dint disclose any such information to me. (he wudv killed me if a guy wudv contacted me and wudv forbidden any such communication
) He asked for her phone number and they started talking on a daily basis. he told hr he was in a relationship but it was on the rocks and that it was not working out and he is not i contact with me. He wooed her and charmed her just the way he started with me. Lovey dovey messages care and concern the works. She got fooled into it too (she is 26 and he was 24 at the time). I dont know what i should be feeling at this point coz there was no reason why r relation ship was rocky I had no clue about this coz things were perfect. We had a gud thing going. The was a Valentine Day gift from him, A surprise bday photocake with a pic f us which I sent him. The girl luckily was from another city else i don't know what wudv happened over that one year. He planned to give me a suprise for my bday in Oct....the trip was not so good bcoz we fought but we made up quickly...before he left we fought agn...Things strted going downhill from there. we worked our way out through most of it. then he stooped wantig to tallk at all. He strted telling me I am too demanding. he dint evn try to wok it out. NOw i kno why.

He had already met this girl before he came to surprise me for my bday in Occt 2012 and he gave her the impression that he was broken up and done wid me for gud. The moment we broke up in dec he strted dating her. ON 14th Feb they planned a weekend trip and got physical with each other by April 2013 he went to meet her in her town stayed there together at a hotel for the weekend and slept together. In June 2014 the girl planned a 4 day tip the same time his parents werent going to be in town. The same time he had asked me to come and look after him as his wife.

He denies all of this hapening luckily the girl has proof f it all. he has promised tht it will never happen again and this time i front of his parents (they mean a lot to him) BUt i kno what he is capable of. I dont kno what to do I am stuck just thinking f things where i went wrong ho i couldv stopped all this from happening. i am troubled and distraught. i cant sleep eat focus on anything but this. it haunts me. it hurts everytime I brethe. I can imagine them togther all the time.

He proposed to me on 1st March 2014...I said YES....But I dont kno but I am still stuck at the past. He doesnt know boundaries or the meaning of the word commitment. how do I cope with the situation. He is the only guy Iv ever been with and loved. Will I hve to regret dis one day like I regret evrything I had with him. Will I ever heal? will the pain go away? i Have few friends thanks to my bf. and I feel alone all the time.even after this whole episode he doesnt want to give me time. why do we have talk evryday I have nothing o talk...It reminds me of the reason we broke up in the first place. I need help.....

[pcmaster]

Hes bored and stringing you along. Delete and block all contacts. You are just a kid for him, you cant trust this loser. He was doing bad things to you because thats who he is inside.

Check this guide.
loveforum.net/threads/85672-Guide-How-to-deal-with-breakup

And yes you will get over it once you find yourself again and met some nice guys you will see that there are 100 times better guys out there for you.

[michelle23]

You need counselling. Your self esteem must be seriously lacking to put up with this for so long. Being young and naive is not an excuse to allow someone to treat you like dirt. You should have ran from him years ago. You have wasted the best years of your life on him. And he will never change. To him your his perfect woman because your the ultimate doormat and he knows you will keep forgiving him no matter what. Soon enough he will either give you some nasty STD (if he hasnt already) or he will put you in the hospital or the morgue because if you marry this guy, the abuse is just going to get worse.

You need a fresh start away from him. Get counselling, get tested for STDs and join some hobbies so you can make new friends. This is your life and you need to step up and fix it. There are much better men out there but men only respect strong women who respect themselves. You have a lot of work to do before your ready for a new relationship-otherwise you will end up with someone just as bad as him again

[smackie9]

Good god when do you know when to walk away? You got some serious low self esteem to keep seeing a cheating, lying douche. And to say "yes" to a marriage proposal, that won't turn him into the prince charming you always wanted. You are an idiot. You have abused spouse syndrome (look it up) If you had any sense at the first sign of bad shit like lying going down, you end it. Get counseling because will all the bull shit this guy has put you through you still can't seem to get away from it.

[rest77]

Being young and naive is not an excuse to allow someone to treat you like dirt. You have wasted the best years of your life on him. And he will never change. To him your his perfect woman because your the ultimate doormat and he knows you will keep forgiving him no matter what. Soon enough he will either give you some nasty STD (if he hasnt already) or he will put you in the hospital or the morgue because if you marry this guy, the abuse is just going to get worse.

Get counselling, get tested for STDs and join some hobbies so you can make new friends. There are much better men out there but men only respect strong women who respect themselves. You have a lot of work to do before your ready for a new relationship-otherwise you will end up with someone just as bad as him again

Great advice.

- - - Updated - - -

You got some serious low self esteem to keep seeing a cheating, lying douche. And to say "yes" to a marriage proposal, that won't turn him into the prince charming you always wanted. You have abused spouse syndrome (look it up) If you had any sense at the first sign of bad shit like lying going down, you end it. Get counseling because will all the bull shit this guy has put you through you still can't seem to get away from it.

Am with you.

[itstillhurts]

Hes bored and stringing you along. Delete and block all contacts. You are just a kid for him, you cant trust this loser. He was doing bad things to you because thats who he is inside.

Check this guide.
loveforum.net/threads/85672-Guide-How-to-deal-with-breakup

And yes you will get over it once you find yourself again and met some nice guys you will see that there are 100 times better guys out there for you.

- - - Updated - - -

I don't know how to do that. Over the years I have lost myself. yes I do have a very low self esteem. I don't believe i deserved to be loved by anyone. Anyway I am so damaged emotionally broken and fragile I don't know if I can ever be loved again. For the longest time I was clean made no mistakes followed every rule he made. It got me nowhere. Even after having him my life is lonely. We must talk we he wants to and he never wants to. Iv been trying to break away for years with no result. I am scared to even try again. I just feel like accepting this sorry state as my fate and continuing to let him carry on like this. we are the same age. He is very immature and selfish. Iv always tried that he be a better man not just for my sake but for his too. Iv dreamed about us being a family I don't know how I can let it all go. I dot want to let it all go. I keep pushing myself hoping this will b the last time and now he will realize the value of my dreams. Iv held all too long and I don't want to give up after everything I have been through. I know my entire life my entire future is at stake here. Most days i wished I were deal instead f facing this ordeal alone every single day of my life. I only hold back because only my parents will suffer the consequences of my actions.

- - - Updated - - -

And this time around I am actually worried about the STD he refused to get himself tested. The other times i believed the cheating was restricted to flirting and never got physical. but this last time i know and I have proof.

[pcmaster]

Still, you said you have some friends thanks to him. Are they good friends? The ones you can talk about this? Maybe you have friends thanks to you not thanks to him? Do you have dreams on your own without him?

Do you still love this guy? Most important do you love yourself? Sometimes it is even harder not to love. But loving person that is bad for you is toxic. Just like drugs.
You care about your parents. Have you let them care about you? Does they know about this relationship and your pain? You need some emotional support a people you can talk to.

[4 ratties]

get a therapist. your acting crazy.

Sent from my SPH-L520 using Tapatalk

[rest77]

Sometimes when people in abusive relationship cry out for help (Mostly women). To some extent what they actually looking for is just some "Pity Party" or "Attention".

[Wakeup]

He proposed to me on 1st March 2014...I said YES....But I dont kno but I am still stuck at the past. He doesnt know boundaries or the meaning of the word commitment.

But you said "yes" anyway. And people wonder why the divorce rates are so high.

What is wrong with you that you'd say yes when you know all these horrible things (and in your mind think all these negative thoughts about him?)

Adding: Seriously: Do not marry him. Get the therapy through a professional councellor or through reading and improving upon yourself so that you have the courage to leave men that don't value you BEFORE you are addicted to their crap.

You need major rehab from this one, he's been damaging you psychologically for quite sometime now and it's going to be hard for you to go cold turkey withdrawl from him without some professional support or at the very least, with the love of good friends and family.

[moneyspills]

I have been in a relationship with a guy since I am 17. It started of a long distance relationship. He wooed me charmed me into believing this was real. Pretty soon I realized he had things going on on the side. When I confronted him about this he promised to keep it clean. That never happened I only got sucked in deeper into the mes while he continued to do his thing flirting with other girls creating profiles on various social networks claiming to b single and available.All this while himself being extremely possessive. He stopped me from talking to all of my friends. Cut me off completely from all social networks where i could have any interaction from any male friend. I found reasons to accept this behavior because I thought he was away and did not know me very long before we started dating. He moved to my city in a years time so we could be together. The time was blissful because he was my world by now. Completely closed off to the outside world. Meanwhile this got messy at home because of my parents opposition I continued this relationship at the cost of loosing out on my parents.

On one such occasion I knew he was lying I was so tired of it all I decided to take revenge and give him a taste of his own medicine. I went of to another guy but couldn't go through with it...I was hurt and furious but I loved him....we spent a few months apart and we got back together.

We spent the next 5 yrs in the same city with similar situations cropping up time and again. He couldn't stop his cheating spree at any point in the time we spent together. so there's no excuse that he was unhappy or he wasn't getting what he wanted. I was young and naive and not experienced. I don't know if he wanted more. But if he was unsatisfied he always had the option to walk off and continue with the several other girls he had. He never let me go had me as a spare tyre always. He became abusive physically and even emotionally. He verbally abused me and called me w**** for the smallest reasons possible. I have only been in this relationship and never been with any other guy before.

After we graduated he moved back to his hometown back to the long distance. I actually believed dat we were in a gud place in our relationship. I trusted him not blindly but after everything we had been through I knew that atleast now that hes is working, stable and not a kid anymore things would change and improve. I trusted him my mistake. IN December 2012 sometime I decided to end things because since my bday on and off I have to beg and fite cause he refused to give me his time or attention. He had to sleep early and when he had to go party wih friends he could stay up late. or he would promise to talk but fite and not talk anyway. It made me insecure and i believed there was another girl at his workplace. He denied there being another girl at all. But since I could not handle it anymore I decided its best to finally let go. Jan 2013 we hardly spoke except on a few occasions where he always maintained there is no other girl and he only still loves me and will wait for me. On 14th Feb 2013 I hopelessly tried to call him both his numbers were switched off. The next day he called me up to say he was out with a male friend as he was depressed and did not want to b alone. March April he spoke to me making the same promises he used to make before. We were more in touch and he as actually trying to communicate more ad make time for me. End f May 2013 he had another international trip planned with his family. he called me to ask what all I wanted I refused as I wasn't his gf anymore. But he said ur my wife I wont let anyone have u and brought back a lot f stuff for me. wen he got back by first week f June he was supposed to b home alone as his parents has extended their trip. he claimed as his wife i should be there to look after him and cook for him. Anyway by this time I had planned to suprise him for his bday end f June. So i cudnt prepone my trip.

He was shocked out f his mind to see me standing in his house. I told him to prove to me that whatever he told me over the last six months f being true commited and being away from his usual nonsense was true. That was the reason i decided to give this another shot. He couldnt prove it. He ran and hid himself in the bathroom and deleted whatever he cud from hid fone and all. Anway during that trip his parents had asked me if i want to get married to him and that i shuld ask him about taking the next step. I did and he said he wanted to. I spent the next six months blissfully luking at rings wedding gowns reception ideas. In June 2014 i spoke to one of his colleagues who told me that during the time that we broke up and my boyfriend claimed to b clear he was with another girl. I confronted my boyfriendd with this new information and he accepted but he said it was only restricted to friendship and strted only because we had broke up. I traced that girl and asked her for the truth because I knew my guy wud lie. She told me how it strted. Here goes....


He met her at the airport on an international trip in Jan 2012. He gave her his contact details and she promptly contacted him a few days later. He dint disclose any such information to me. (he wudv killed me if a guy wudv contacted me and wudv forbidden any such communication
) He asked for her phone number and they started talking on a daily basis. he told hr he was in a relationship but it was on the rocks and that it was not working out and he is not i contact with me. He wooed her and charmed her just the way he started with me. Lovey dovey messages care and concern the works. She got fooled into it too (she is 26 and he was 24 at the time). I dont know what i should be feeling at this point coz there was no reason why r relation ship was rocky I had no clue about this coz things were perfect. We had a gud thing going. The was a Valentine Day gift from him, A surprise bday photocake with a pic f us which I sent him. The girl luckily was from another city else i don't know what wudv happened over that one year. He planned to give me a suprise for my bday in Oct....the trip was not so good bcoz we fought but we made up quickly...before he left we fought agn...Things strted going downhill from there. we worked our way out through most of it. then he stooped wantig to tallk at all. He strted telling me I am too demanding. he dint evn try to wok it out. NOw i kno why.

He had already met this girl before he came to surprise me for my bday in Occt 2012 and he gave her the impression that he was broken up and done wid me for gud. The moment we broke up in dec he strted dating her. ON 14th Feb they planned a weekend trip and got physical with each other by April 2013 he went to meet her in her town stayed there together at a hotel for the weekend and slept together. In June 2014 the girl planned a 4 day tip the same time his parents werent going to be in town. The same time he had asked me to come and look after him as his wife.

He denies all of this hapening luckily the girl has proof f it all. he has promised tht it will never happen again and this time i front of his parents (they mean a lot to him) BUt i kno what he is capable of. I dont kno what to do I am stuck just thinking f things where i went wrong ho i couldv stopped all this from happening. i am troubled and distraught. i cant sleep eat focus on anything but this. it haunts me. it hurts everytime I brethe. I can imagine them togther all the time.

He proposed to me on 1st March 2014...I said YES....But I dont kno but I am still stuck at the past. He doesnt know boundaries or the meaning of the word commitment. how do I cope with the situation. He is the only guy Iv ever been with and loved. Will I hve to regret dis one day like I regret evrything I had with him. Will I ever heal? will the pain go away? i Have few friends thanks to my bf. and I feel alone all the time.even after this whole episode he doesnt want to give me time. why do we have talk evryday I have nothing o talk...It reminds me of the reason we broke up in the first place. I need help.....

The only way to try to forgive is to just forgive.