My best friend

[Wakeup]

Here is the recap:

I have a friend I have chatted with online for over two years. Our relationship was "flirty" and he has said he wanted to marry me if my husband ever left, but he was probably joking. Anyhow, there is a mutual attraction. I have never met him in real life.

So back in November or so, he said he wanted to come visit me. I didn't really think he was serious so I mentioned it to my husband, who said "no way". I told my friend that my husband wouldn't let him come. So then, my friend just stopped chatting with me on IM.

I messaged him, asked him what was going on. He told me he was depressed and didn't like talking when he was depressed. He told me to call him, which I didn't. I felt like he should call me, since he was the one who seemed to not want to talk. I didn't want to invade his space.

He never called me. So here is the awkward part.

I asked him where our "relationship" was going. He said, "You are married with two kids. I can't be the cause of a marriage breaking up." Now listen-- I don't want to have an affair with him, I just don't want to lose my friend. I said, "Are we still friends?" He said "we're still pals."

So he has not chatted with me on IM since then. He did send me a message around Christmastime.

Today I finally broke down and texted him. He wants to chat tomorrow and catch up.

What I need to know is:

- Why did he want to visit me?
- Why did he stop talking to me on IM?
- Why did he say he can't break up my marriage? We are just friends.
- Is he in love with me??

Are you in grade 7, Blue?

[searock]

To clarify, I don't necessarily think that he wants just sex with her, but he definitely does want sex with her. Which is a good enough reason for them NOT to keep in contact. The fact that there is an emotional cheating situation going on just makes it worse.

[Wakeup]

To clarify, I don't necessarily think that he wants just sex with her,

I do.

He stopped flirting and talking to her the minute she said her husband said "No Way" That told him that she wasn't a goer and he's now set his beady eyes on another "chat buddy" that will meet him and have sex with him.

Blue, you're either a kid on spring break or you're totally naïve and foolish for carrying on "friendships" with men over the internet. What's missing at home that you need that kind of attention from other men?

[Wakeup]

.... bump ....

So, what's up that you need internet men's attention, Blue?

[blue102]

I met him on a forum about a hobby we share. We hit it off and have been friends ever since.

My husband knows I talk to him an he is not threatened at all. He doesn't mind us talking but he din't like the idea of him visiting, for obvious reasons.

My marriage is fine, and I would never have an affair. I just don't want to lose my favorite friend.

I don't understand what is going on in his head though. I don't think he is just out to get sex from me. He dates plenty of women.

But if it's like what a previous poster said, that he doesn't want to "just be friends" because he actually has a thing for me, I can respect that.

By the way, trollish and disrespectful posts in this thread will be ignored. Thanks

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Clearly, you don't respect it, since you think he should continue figuratively following you around like a lost puppy. Eat glass, cunt.

[searock]

But if it's like what a previous poster said, that he doesn't want to "just be friends" because he actually has a thing for me, I can respect that.

You do realize that flirting with another guy is wrong if you are married? Even if it's just online?

FRIENDS don't flirt with each other (the only exception is two friends in a relationship with each other). He is not your friend, he never was.

Flirting and mutual attraction means that he is sexually interested in you. What does he have to gain by keeping in contact with you? What's the point? It's just unhealthy.

[blue102]

OK so thanks to you people's wonderful advice, I have decided not to talk to him anymore.

I do think my marriage is missing something because this friend was so important to me. Think I will get a therapist and work on it.

Thanks

[Wakeup]

I don't think he is just out to get sex from me. He dates plenty of women.

You DO realize what a huge oxy-moron that statement is, right? He's a freaking PLAYA and when you were not allowed to play with him, he bolted.

But if it's like what a previous poster said, that he doesn't want to "just be friends" because he actually has a thing for me, I can respect that.

Yea, it's easier to accept that because that's what you want to hear. It IS much easier on the ego.

Stop playing with fire before you REALLY get burned by online players that gravitate to women like you who are naïve and missing something at home. Does it not resonate with you that he knew you were married but he still tried his schpeel on you anyway? That's one player/disrespectful douche who you're falling for, dear.

- - - Updated - - -

BTW: Its good that you're going to talk to someone about what's going on with you because if it's not this guy, you'll get inappropriately involved with someone else eventually. Well done that you're looking into why.

[IndiReloaded]

Here is the recap:

I have a friend I have chatted with online for over two years.
Our relationship was "flirty" and he has said he wanted to marry me if my husband ever left, but he was probably joking. Anyhow, there is a mutual attraction. I have never met him in real life.

He never called me. So here is the awkward part.

I asked him where our "relationship" was going.

LOL! The bold parts tell us all we need to know, kids.

Okay, now for your questions. They are moot, but since you are asking, and we're answering, feel free to send the forum a PayPal donation. Thanks in advance.


What I need to know is:

- Why did he want to visit me? -- FOR SEX
- Why did he stop talking to me on IM? -- NO SEX FOR HIM
- Why did he say he can't break up my marriage? We are just friends. -- HE MIGHT ACTUALLY BE A DECENT GUY WHO RESPECTS MARRIAGE?
- Is he in love with me?? -- NO

[blue102]

Sorry to bump this but I have an update.

I have been working on my relationship with my husband and it's wonderful. Decided to write off the online guy.

However, I got a little tipsy the other night and talked to him on AIM. I told him a bunch of stupid stuff like "I like you a lot" and "I miss you" and asked him why he quit talking to me.

He said he likes me too, and misses me, and he quit talking to me because he was depressed, but he's better now.

Asked him if it really was because I was married, and he said "maybe a bit". Asked him if he was upset that he couldn't visit, and he said "no no, I probably wouldn't have visited anyway". He told me to text him if I ever want to chat, and he'd get online.

I told him that some older guy was messaging me and he got pretty upset about that.

Then the next day I sent him a text saying sorry for the awkward conversation, it was the booze. He said "It's cool."

So: I will not initiate conversation any more with him. I feel like I said what I had to say, got it off my chest, and have closure.

I'm not sad about it, but a little embarrassed about the drunken episode.

[searock]

Why are you flirting with yet another man?!

[blue102]

Not flirting with him, it's a friend from the forum I'm on.

[searock]

So he isn't attracted to you?

[blue102]

No, I don't think so.