Did I scare him by giving him my timeline?

[summerbutterfly]

I accepted a once in a lifetime opportunity to work on a project that requires a lot of travel and being out of state for the next year. A guy I had met at one of these meetings, and I had been texting back and forth for a while. When I called him that I would be coming to his city to work on a project for 3 days, he texted me back that he would be away on a business meeting (it was true- his co-worker confirmed it) and could we meet up at a later date. I told him that I while I would be back in about 3 weeks, my project schedule would be tight, and then after that I wouldn't be back for ~ 2-3 months. I never heard back from him.

Do you think he may have gotten put off by my giving him a timeline and not a great one at that? Or is he just not willing to commit to anything given that I probably will be back in 2 -3 months time?

Thanks !!

Summer

[surfhb2]

Most likely

Who wants to date someone whos that busy?

[basilandthyme]

Why on earth would any man pin himself down to a date 3 months forward with a girl who he won't see for the best part of a year?

Have you no concept of a relationship being mutually satisfying?

[pcmaster]

Thats not your fault. You both are busy.

[basilandthyme]

Thats not your fault. You both are busy.

there's a difference between 'busy' and 'absent'. Though admittedly neither are conducive to a relationship.

[haxan]

You didn't scare him, you probably just weren't worth the hassle. I'm sure he'll hook up with you while you're in town. Those type of things are fun and passionate, without the schedules and commitment.

[summerbutterfly]

I didn't expect him to leave his schedule wide open just for me, but I thought I would at least get a "OK, as soon as you know you're coming, let me know so we can try to make plans" or something to that effect to show some interest.

Besides, to turn the tables, if it's a guy a woman really likes, she will try to find the time (of course, that may also give the impression she is a doormat).

I am also not the only one who is busy, he is too. Sign of the modern times, you know. We don't live in the 1950s.

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Thanks. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so busy, but it's a once in a lifetime opportunity and only for 9 -12 months. It does end at one point.

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That's true, but neither is smothering and co-dependency. I don't like a guy who has to be with me 24/7 and be a part of everything I do. I don't want to become co-dependent and dote and need him 24/7. If you're together all the time, you also don't grow.

But being "away" 24/7 isn't ideal either. Like I mentioned above, this opportunity is a once in a lifetime thing and is only for 9 - 12 months.

Still I guess I expected a little more interest.

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You didn't scare him, you probably just weren't worth the hassle. I'm sure he'll hook up with you while you're in town. Those type of things are fun and passionate, without the schedules and commitment.

Thanks. I guess I'll find out in 2-3 months if I am "worth the hassle" ...

[basilandthyme]

I didn't expect him to leave his schedule wide open just for me, but I thought I would at least get a "OK, as soon as you know you're coming, let me know so we can try to make plans" or something to that effect to show some interest.

Besides, to turn the tables, if it's a guy a woman really likes, she will try to find the time (of course, that may also give the impression she is a doormat).

I am also not the only one who is busy, he is too. Sign of the modern times, you know. We don't live in the 1950s.

Why would a guy make time to see a girl who's not around to have a relationship with anyway? A date with someone who's living OS would simply be a monumental waste of time. And no, you're not "busy". You're absent. There's a huge difference. Busy people can probably see each other once or twice a week - but you can't even offer this.

I'm not sure why you're surprised that he's not making time for you.

[summerbutterfly]

Why would a guy make time to see a girl who's not around to have a relationship with anyway? A date with someone who's living OS would simply be a monumental waste of time. And no, you're not "busy". You're absent. There's a huge difference. Busy people can probably see each other once or twice a week - but you can't even offer this.

I'm not sure why you're surprised that he's not making time for you.

But I am not even in the same city. Do you think people just get on planes and hop to the ends of the world because they just can? THere is such a thing as money, you know....

[basilandthyme]

But I am not even in the same city. Do you think people just get on planes and hop to the ends of the world because they just can? THere is such a thing as money, you know....

My point exactly. If you can't see each other easily and frequently, the whole thing is a waste of time. Too expensive, too much hard work...and nobody's needs getting met.

Leave your dating till you're back home. And then look for guys who are local to you. And only move forward if you're both in a position to see each other regularly enough to sustain a relationship.

[Nevio]

Based on what you told him, he is maybe waiting for you to contact him since you made it clear that you'd be busy for the next 3 weeks. Maybe you should try and contact him.

[smackie9]

I don't know why you are going on and on about seeing this guy when you will be away so often. You are best to just go out on dates other men in your travels. At this time in your life you are not in any position to be in a committed relationship anyways. Most likely you haven't heard from him is because he has met someone else who is more available.

[basilandthyme]

old thread

[smackie9]

Good god it is.....damn. well not really it's about a week old.