Would YOU be a little hurt/Insulted by this??

[MicroReaper]

My fiance used to be very prolific in the way she wrote me love notes, texts, letters. But, that has dropped off a lot. I guess we have both "settled' into the relationship or something. I am still very much a note/letter writer...I have always been very expressive, and I know i always will be.

I miss the little expressions of love that she would give me like that. So, in an effort to make my partner aware of my needs, i figured i would simply tell her that I’d like the occasional expression of affection, in that format that i loved so much….the written word.

She was home today, not much on her calendar, So, today I texted her this: "Every once in a while I'm gonna ask you to write me a note...a love note... It makes me Happy .....Like Chocolate...makes me smile....I'd LOVE one of those today, if you have the opportunity. Love U. Am I Cute or What?"

Now, that is EXACTLY what i wrote. Stupid and gooey, yeah I know…but I’m a romantic….lol…

I didn't hear anything for a while...I figured either she was taking a nap, or she was taking the time to write one of the long, beautiful letters that she used to. This was about noon....At 4:00, I got a text from her saying "love letter on it's way...lol..put on your headphones"....

I was ELATED, because not only was i going to get something that might have taken several hours to create, but it APPEARED that she was going to give me an AUDIO love letter, which is even better! So, I waited with Anticipation. I checked my inbox continually...FINALLY, i checked the Junk mail...and there it was!

So, I opened it....and looked for the note. There was none. I looked for an attachment...there was none. I looked back in the body of the email….and there was a LINK to a Song Lyrics web site, and to the Lyrics of “You are so Beautiful” by Joe Cocker. Huh?
There wasn’t even a note in the email saying something like “this is how I feel about you…”…Hell, she didn’t even bother to COPY the lyrics into the email…just a short line-link.

It took NO effort. At ALL. This is a woman who used to write BEAUTIFUL things, long, and quite constantly.

She just cut and pasted a link, kind of like “ok, here ya go…….can I get back to what I was doing now?”

Is it just me, or would anyone else feel kind of slighted or brushed aside by this? I wasn’t asking for a novel. Just a brief return to our beginnings. Frankly, I feel kind of pathetic for having to ASK for an occasional expression of her love in words….she KNOWS it means a lot to me…you would think that she would simply do it once in a while…but….I guess I have to ASK for it now….and now I guess it’s all cut and paste….

Any thoughts?

MR

[basilandthyme]

There's an app for that.

Saw this come on my FB news feed this morning thought it wouldn't be too long before I could recommend it. Didn't think it would be this quick! http://dangerousminds.net/comments/new_android_app_automates_attentive_texts_so_the_g irlfriend_will_think_you. Perhaps she could write to the designers and ask them to make a version where the messages are more male oriented.

Seriously though, if you want the relationship to stay like it starts out, you'd be better off being a serial monogamist. All that romantic mush is driven by a surge in hormones and adrenaline and doesn't last. What you are seeing now is the "real" her after she's come down from the rush.

[dem862]

The kind of expression you are looking for comes freely from the heart. It cannot be summonned. Maybe you should do something for her to incite that kind of expression.

[rest77]

If this did really make you feel hurt or insulted, then i do say you are asking a bit too much and it sounds like its all about You and how you want You to be happy.

Might be for her, the relationship has past the honey moon stage. And she is starting to get tired and bored of the constant writing of "love notes, texts and letters". I hope this is not the only thing that keep your happy in the relationship.

[AnErin]

Joe cocker "you are so beautiful". No wonder it ended up in the junk box.

It does suck when the romance fades in a relationship. It is weird watching how some relationships progress. It starts out where you are wanting and maybe aching to see the person all the time, every contact brings high emotions, maybe there is some insecurity like "I hope I do not get dumped, I want this to last...
But then some time down the road, it becomes, "Yeah, that is my partner, big whoop..." Maybe by that time there is resentment and boredom. Then one thinks, "Is THIS the person I used to lay in bed at night wishing they were by my side? The person that could knock my thoughts off center with just a smile?"

[surfhb2]

You act like a little sniveling, needy little girl. Do you always need this kind of validation?

I hope you didnt complain to her because you will be dumped (rightly so). Frankly you sound like an awful little prick and this girl deserves a real man....just my opinion. Bye!

[basilandthyme]

How about we get the root of the problem: What is happening to leave you needing this validation? Is the relationship on the skids?

[michelle23]

Look up the 5 languages of love. Some people give and recieve love in different ways. It may be helpful to you both to look it up together and do the online test. Then you will both know what the other needs in order to feel loved. Good luck

[Wakeup]

Asking someone to send you a love missive is about as exciting and romantic as stepping in dog s*it. Just what have you voluntarily done for her lately that would make her voluntarily want to send you her love in words?

Is it just me, or would anyone else feel kind of slighted or brushed aside by this?

I would lose attraction for you if you needed to ask me to send you a love letter. These things should come from the heart not be solicited like ad-mail.

Lets hope she's not lost attraction for you. If you're smart, you'll find out what SHE considers a show of love and you'll do that for her. Keep in mind that: Obviously love letters in your thing, not hers.
Stop holding a grudge though, whatever you do. That emotional response does nothing to keep a couple bond strong.

[sandybhardwaj50]

Thanks for the post...

[MicroReaper]

How about we get the root of the problem: What is happening to leave you needing this validation? Is the relationship on the skids?

Actually, there is nothing specific that is happening for me to "need" this "validation".

It's not a "need"...it is a DESIRE...big difference. and it is nt a "validation"....it was a regular ritual that we shared for the majority of our time together, and it simply dropped off on her end.

I'll accept the notion of the "honeymoon" phase having ended. And generally the relationship is very strong. However...in relationships it makes sense that we "do things" for one another. i bring her flowers because she likes them. I bring her coffee in the morning because she likes it, and I have since day one of our relationship. If I stopped doing that, she would wonder what was behind it. Or, to be more in line with my post, if i gave her the address of a store where she could get her OWN coffee instead of me bringing it to her, that would make her wonder, would it not?

I enjoy romance and "giving" very, very much. And, in the early days of our relationship, I thought she did as well. If she was doing this to "win me", knowing that it was not something she wished to continue (letters, notes, etc), I would think that she might have said something to that effect along the way.

Also...this is not something I would expect every day or even every week...just "on occasion"...that's all. It is a sweet loving thing for her to do...or it WAS, anyway. I am certain that SHE would be disappointed and have some concerns if I stopped my actions in this area.

So, it's not merely an issue of me being "needy" or insecure. It was something that had been a part of our relationship for years, i wanted it to continue, she apparently does not. BUT..."honeymoon phase" or not....when I'm in a relationship, i stay pretty much the same as i was when i started. I don't change my behavior, and If my partner has a change of heart about an action or situation, i think she should talk to me about it and simply let me know about it. You might think "they're just little letters and notes"...yeah, but they are small things that make my world a little more enjoyable. She knew that going in...she should have said something. That's all. And when I created this post last week, i was a little upset about the way she brushed it off. I still am, but it is something will simply accept and move on in the relationship.

SHE will continue to get flowers and letters....cuz I like doing it...it makes her happy. And when she is happy, I am happiER.....

MR

[surfhb2]

You'll get over it ya cry baby

[MicroReaper]

You'll get over it ya cry baby

Gosh, I'm glad you popped in with another pithy, insightful comment.

Thanks for sharing, cupcake.

MR.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

^^^He's right, though. You're being a bitch. She doesn't feel like writing the letters anymore. Deal with it, or go find a girl who wants to write letters.

[anc91]

You are not asking for too much in my opinion. I know exactly what it's like to want to do somethings you did in the old days, in the beginning. In this case, yes she could have put a little more effort into it, it seems one sided. Again you are not asking for too much. She seems to be getting a little lazy and not paying attention to your needs. You should talk more in depth with her about it and see what she says.