Can Anyone Help/Advise

[Caley]

Hi

My marriage, which I considered happy, until I've been told otherwise in the last week, of 28 years would seen to be on the rocks. My husband is telling me, after a period of what I'd describe as work related stress, says he is unhappy with his life, feels frustrated by work & at home and wishes time away on his own. I find this very hard to take as it has come straight out of the blue to me, the situation disintegrating rapidly over the period of a week - I am absolutely distraught. I love my husband, my family and our life together - he has never been anything other than kind, loving & supportive, until now. He is now someone I can't seem to reach, cold towards me (ok with others) will not let me reason with him over working together to improve things, just becomes increasingly frustrated by me asking questions & trying to get to the root of things - at points completely uncommunicative, silent.

I really don't know where to turn, I was 15 when I met him, he has been my life - the person I have relied on in times of trouble is now the cause of my upset. Can anyone help, I feel very desperate to save my marriage - I don't recognise this man, I feel quite afraid I will never get the same one back again - feel like I am grieving.

[smackie9]

You are grieving. You are grieving the loss of your relationship with your husband. If he won't communicate then there is no getting answers unless you do some detective wotk (snooping). It's usually considered as a no no to snoop, but with this situation, what other choice do you have? Check his phone, emails, bank and visa statements. Disheartning as it is it's possible he is having an affair. This would explan the rapid change in behavior and not wanting to work on the issues. Or you can just go right up to him and ask him :Who is she? and how long has this been going on.

If you truly need help seek out marriage couseling for yourself. This will help you unload some of your suffering and guide you on what to do next.

[Smila]

It is completely understandable that you are feeling these emotions right now (considering the fact that you have known him for a long period of time). A couple of things:

Have you noticed any strange patterns from him in terms of his movements (excluding his behavior towards you?). Is he late most times? Hanging out with friends more? There is a possibility that he may be seeing someone else.

While, trying to snoop around his stuff (phone, accounts) might seem like the instinctive thing to do, if he finds out, it would make matters worse (that is, if he is not seeing someone else).

My advice...trying to make him change his mind (on the fly) or make him commit to working it out with you will not solve the problem, but will prolong your suffering and pain.

Talk to him about his space. Advice him to go on a trip/change of scenery to clear his head and think clearly about it. This is the best way you can come to some finality.
The distance apart would help him think clearly and also prepare you for his decision (whatever it may be)

But you have to be prepared for the worse. I know you dread this, but maybe he wants to move on...and if he decides to do so, there is nothing you can do about this. The only thing you can do for your self is prepare.

All the best

[HeartIsAching]

I'd be a fair amount of money that he's met someone younger.